Sir Gene of Hunt, the Eminently Quotable


We’re up to episode seven in series two of ‘Life On Mars’ now, right? So just one more to go… Actually, I’ve just finished episode six, I have seven but just haven’t had time to watch it. More on that in another post.

So, quite a while ago (March of last year, I believe) I had a post about the many varied and amusing sayings of Gene Hunt, or the Gene Genie, from series one. ‘Huntisms’, if you will. A few classics from series one:

“There’ll never be a woman prime minister so long as I’ve got hole in me arse.”
“It’s whiter than a ginger bird’s arse!”
“It’s 1973, almost dinnertime. I’m having ‘oops!”
“Anything happens to this motor, I’ll come round to yer houses and stamp on all yer toys!”
“I’m not catholic myself but doesn’t it say ‘thou shalt not suck off rent boys’?”
“If me uncle had tits he’d be me auntie.”
“This is Salford. You’re more likely to find an ostrich with a plum it’s arse.”
“Bloody ‘ell, I’ve seen road accidents look more cheerful than you.”


It’s occurred to me that, since we’ve had series two, I’ve not made owt of his further tirades, quips or straight one-liners. So here we go, a few from, I think, episodes one and five (who doesn’t love the Camberwick Green moment?)

Sam: “Well, going on the fact that you broke my door down, I take it it’s [the case] is big?”
Gene: “Like Shelley Winters’ arse!”

“That’s faker than a tranny’s fanny.”
“Black suits you Eddows, do you want an eye in the same colour?”
“Good work Raymond-o, I’m bumping you back up to DS. Only this time, make it stand for Detective Sergeant and not Dog Shit.”
“Sounds like a vendetta. Tell me, was he boffing your mother up the Harris and eating all your cream horns while he was at it?”

Gene: “What’s up with you?”
Sam: “I’m dying.”
Gene: “Rubbish, I look like you do every Sunday morning.”

[Chris farts in the van] “What’ve you been eating, Pedigree Chum?”


And one of my personal favourites (knowing of the Gene Genie’s penchant fer supportin the Blue Mancs):
“You great soft-sissy-girlie-nancy-French-bender-Man-Utd-supporting puff!”

Class. But let’s not forget Sam. He’s been learning from the guv, and no mistake:

Gene: “We’ll get the Doc in here with her big –“
Sam: “BASTARD big!”
Gene: “Bastard big sedative…”


And THEE classic line from episode five, otherwise known as the ‘Sam Does Speed / Camberwick Green’ episode:
“Listen you! I can just about handle you driving like a pissed-up crack-head and treating women like beanbags, but I’m going to say this once, and once only Gene: stay out of Camberwick Green!”

Don’t worry, I’m not posting any spoilers here. I have enjoyed the new series so far, but at times it’s felt like they’ve tried too hard to make everyone caricatures o what they were from series one, wi the notable exception of Annie Cartwright. Big eyes, bouncy hair, and not a complete plonk after all. Although sometimes I wonder just what Sam’s unleashed, making her a DI… Her standing over that matey, having chained him to the bed, brandishing a leather whip had me in stitches ~ “he were just about to talk, guv!

And the casino / intensive care murdering one. Hmm. I were watching, thinking, I know that matey, that blokey called Tony Crane. I’ve seen him just this week, I’m sure I have… Now, where would it have been… What other BBC stuff have I been watching just -.
Ah. ‘Doctor bloody Who’ strikes again. Mr Marc Warren, if I’m not much mistaken, the lovely Elton character from ‘Love and Monsters’ – yeah, the episode famous fer Peter Kay's absorbablob-thing, and of course the Doctor’s Dick Van Dyke rendition of “Elton! Fetch a spade!”

Yep, that’s the lad, Marc Warren. Not to be confused wi the local nonce-master Warren, who had the nightclub and was gay “as a bloody Christmas tree” in series one. Curiously enough, I were sitting, thinking about summat completely different (always the way, right?) and I realised that Marc Warren was none other than Captain Rymer, from that ‘Sharpe’ episode about him climbing the walls (literally) to get into Badajoz before his sorry excuse for a slice o the British Army got in there and started divvying up the local birds – one of which was Teresa Moreno, lookin after their wee girl Antonia. So this matey Marc Warren’s been in pretty much everything, then. The Kevin Bacon o UK TV’s Six Degrees games, you could say. Hmm…

Well, I think that’s me done. I’m keeping a sharp ear out fer more from the Gene Genie, cos he does make me laff an spit out me tea when he comes out with them one-liners so fast, and lookin like it’d be rude not to.

So, waiting fer tomorrow night… BBC 1, 7pm… Shakespeare! Shakespeare! And according to Russell T. Davies, he’s kinda like one o the Gallagher Brothers. Except, I’m betting, he dunt have a Moss Side accent. Can we can hope fer another "Judoon platoon upon the Moon" moment, too? “Weeell…” as the Doctor would say…

Peach and lube then. See you ont other side.

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