Friday, 5 October 2007


I’ve been sick this week. Not proper sick, just another infection brought on by not drinking enough water and having Coke wi me vodka and not orange juice. Orange juice still counts as a fruit, right? Goes through the body like food, so bloody well should do.

Just a quick old-Virgin-Radio-Chris-Evans-breakfast-show-type HELLO! to everyone I’ve ignored this past week:

To Fiat X1/9 Man, who actually flashed his lights up and down at me as I crossed the street this very night: ‘Ow do.
To Restaurant Carry-Oot Lady, who always bawls a 'good evening' at me across the street: Hi.
To our alternating security guards, who always press the correct lift button for me when I get int building of an evening: Ta, and how’s yerself?
Johnny Behind-the-bar: I’ll be back next week, soon as these anti-biotics are safely out o me system.
To me big sis, who’s handling Important Matters of Family for everyone like a trooper: Alright?
To me wee sister, who’s always scouring local shops fert ‘Doctor bloody Who’ crap to send me: ‘ello poppet.
To me other wee sister, who’s turning her nose up at ‘Doctor bloody Who’ and being normal, to set an example for me: what’s wi’ the Nissan Bluebird?
To Granny W, who’s on holiday and hopefully having a great time in Crete, or Cairo, or Cardiff, wherever it is she went (hey, they all begin wi’ C, they’re easy to mix up, alright?): Hi baebe.
To me students: no, this int me and yer not to repeat the naughty language you see here.
And everyone else who knows me. Ta.

And now for summat completely different: the Haynes Manual on Setting Up IDD Calling Ont Mobile Phones (Especially 3G) in Hong Kong.

Step 1:
Call the 3G helpline and find there are no real people attached. Press any button wrongly three times and get put through to the only actual live person int building.
Step 2:
Ask them to set up IDD calling to foreign lands far far away. Get told to set up an AutoPay (DD) first.
Step 3:
Go to the 3G shop int high street and attempt to set up AutoPay. Get told to take a form to the bank to do it.
Step 4:
Take form to bank. Get told numptie int shop hasn’t filled in the consolidation code int bottom corner.
Step 5:
Take form back to 3G shop. Ask for missing code number. Get told you don’t need one cos yer not a corporate customer.
Step 6:
Take form back to bank and assure Nice Lady yer absolutely and positively sure you don’t need a corporate consolidation code, and if it dunt mean owt to the bloke in the 3G shop, it dunt mean owt to you, neither.
Step 7:
Sign form and then get told it takes FOUR WEEKS to implement AutoPay.

Four weeks? Four weeks? Are you shitting me? What does it actual involve, setting up a direct bloody debit? Trekking across the Sahara? Physically walking backwards and forwards from’t bank to shop wi little chits? Well I’ve done that, all in half an hour, so don’t come that. It absolutely staggers me that the same bank that can send money to another country within six hours of receiving my form takes four weeks just to set up a direct debit from a Hong Kong company whose head office is only in Kowloon anyway. I could walk BACKWARDS and swim myself across the harbour, and still have it stamped and sorted before tomorrow.


I need more tea, obviously. In the absence of any alcohol, it’s the next best thing.

That’s yer onion. No, shallot (ba-doom-boom-tsshh!). Have to battle on through ‘Doctor bloody Who’ fanfic number 10, which is giving me trouble like you wouldn’t believe. Mostly cos it just keeps becoming more and more epic in proportions. Seriously dude, 32,000 words already and still no exciting climax in sight? This is going to end up a novel, I can see it coming.

Anyway, I’ll love you and leave you wi’ the newly updated Wallpapers of the Week, and go back to dreaming of November ~ Aaron Kwok concerts, Doctor bloody Who’ series three on shiny new DVD, and the music too, and of course, one whole month closer to Chinese New Year, and me sojourn to the beaches of Boracay.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


weenie said...

Hope you're feeling better!

And yeah, orange juice counts towards the 'Five' that you need to have every day.


Get better soon - vodka and antibiotics is a good mix. Trust me. I know these things.

ok I tried to climb out of my bedroom window last time I tried it but I felt better quicker (after Caz tied me to the bed)

oo-er kinky flu eh?

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...