Fucking useless bastard thing!


It’s Sunday, right? So I should be sat here wi a big hyowj mug of soldier tea while I settle in to watch last night’s ‘Doctor bloody Who’.

But no.

Cos I don’t even have a copy yet.

And I’m never going to get one, the way this is going.

Far be it for my net service provider to actually provide me wi a service. So again, just 36 hours after the man came and ‘fixed it’, I’m cut off. (I've called on my trusty sidekick geek-toy, iPod [Touch] Bob III, to get online and post this. Do not think for one moment that there's been a slip-up in their perpetual ineptitude and I actually got online at home).

Why do I bother? I’m checking on Jarvis II's built-in ethernet stats and then calling Netvigator and telling em where they can stick their fucking useless piece of black plastic shit that pretends to be a wireless modem.

Wireless modem? Wireless modem? Fucking horrendous waste of space and resources is what it is. In fact, I think it doesn’t exist. It Isn’t. Cos it dunt think, so therefore it ain’t. It just sits on the windowsill, with that stupid smug shine on its plastic surface, taunting me wi dreams of being connected, when in actuality it has no intention or in fact the capability to do so. Fucking smartarse. Let’s see how fucking funny it is wi my boot up its bloody shiny plastic arse.

So my experiment in joining the up-to-date people and getting wireless didn’t work. I blame myself. I knew it could never have been that easy - I mean, trusting a company to actually deliver one modem, connect it and keep it working? Sheer fantasy! Where was my brain that day? Why did I believe any of that could have been possible? So here I am, slapping myself for being so naiive.

It’s Jarvis I feel sorry for. He’s sat here, all raring to go forth and commit amazing acts of derring-do left, right and centre, Tinternet-wise, and he can’t do a bloody thing. It’s unfair. It’s appalling. It’s like keeping a lion in a small cage. It’s rude.

I really am kicking meself for thinking that I could ever have trusted someone with my net connection. What the fuck was I thinking? Why did I do that to meself - and Jarvis? Will he ever trust me again? Will he ever believe I will again be able to provide for him? How can he look at me the same way again? I’ve failed him, I know that. And I know that saying ‘it’s Netvigator’s fault’ really, really don’t cut it. I was the one who called them to trial the new wireless modem, I was the one who made them install it, I was the one who thought one little hiccup and being cut off for three days was a minor problem (see previous post), and I was the one who believed them when they said they would fix it. And now I’m the one sitting here trying to convince myself I can make it up to poor wee Gladiator Maximus Jarvis by arranging for the old cable box back as quickly as possible. I did this. But at least I can do summat about it now.

I’m going to make meself some soldier tea anyway, and then calm down long enough to make a few calls. Who knows, I might even get on the net later to post this!

Woah, easy Tiger! Get on the net? Pssssh. That’s fanciful talk.

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1 'aye's:

* (asterisk) said...

I've yet to succumb to the whoe wireless thing. I'm scared of it. Working from home full time, it's imperative that I have as little internet down time as possible, and I fear the wireless thing is unstable. You've done nothing to reassure me...

So, you haven't seen "Midnight" yet?

I liked it.