Saturday, 4 July 2009

Conversations of the week

Mate: Michael Jackson’s dead.
Me: And?
Mate: Well... he’s dead.
Me: So you said. So I said, ‘And?’
Mate: Just thought it would be something you’d like to know.
Me: How does it affect ‘Doctor bloody Who’, ‘Supernatural’, ‘Burn Notice’, ‘Enterprise’, writing / reading / beta’ing fan-fiction, government tax rebates, the price of vodka, the price of a new iPhone 3G S or the monsoon weather we’re experiencing right now?
Mate: It doesn’t.
Me: And there’s the definition of something that would not interest me.
Mate: Gotcha.

Mate: I reckon Michael Jackson’s not dead, you know.
Me: What?
Mate: I said, I reckon Michael Jackson’s not dead. He’s done a bunk, living like Elvis. And Lord Lucan. And Sooty.
Me: Didn’t we have a conversation whereby I elicited your explanation of why news about Michael Jackson, and thoughts thereon, did not interest me?
Mate: Oh yeah, sorry.
Mate: But what if he was dead and came back as a zombie?
Me: Would anyone notice the difference?
Mate: That’s not nice.
Me: Most true things aren’t.

Me: I swear to Sod, if one more person pokes me in the eye with a fucking umbrella, I’m going to start kneeing people in the back of the leg. At a zebra crossing they’ll go down like dominoes.
Mate: That’s a bit excessive.
Me: It’s a bit bloody rude, is what it is. Why can’t people realise there are others walking on the same fucking pavement?
Mate: Ah. You forget that Hong Kong pedestrians have the spatial awareness of a leaf falling off a tree.
Me: So I did. I’ll just start swiping the spikes from my field of vision. It’ll make me laugh to see the water slide off and onto their heads as the brolly gets knocked to one side.
Mate: That’s the spirit.

Student: Teacher, did you see ‘Transformers 2’?
Me: Not yet. Have you seen it?
Student: Yeeess! I very like! So exciting!
Me: ‘I really liked it.’ What was your favourite part?
Student: When Oktimush Pime died.
Me: Optimus Prime.
Student: Yes, I say already. He dead but Sam plug in the power, and he not die.
Me: Riiiiiiiight. So he was dead, then he wasn’t. Are you sure he was really dead, not just resting?
Fellow student: Or Jesus?
Me: Pardon?
Fellow student: Jesus. If he was died, then he no died again, then he maybe is Jesus.
Me: A cyber-Jesus?
Student: Woss mean ‘cyber’?
Me: Like... robots, or made of computer brains.
Student: Yes! Oktimush Pime is the cyber-Jesus!
Me: I like it.

~ ~

1 comment:

Yum Cha said...

Another iPhone? What ya gonna do with Dixie Dax? Have u even told her (scary) that she's (double scary) gonna get bumped off?

I mean, how would yow like it? There you are, being perfectly good at yer job with a fair measure of loyalty thrown in for good measure, only to get faxed off by a new model... or.... erm...

hmmm...sorry about that

Anyway...c'mon, have some feelings, save some money, save the earth, and don't be such a useless upgrade junkie.

Oh yeah, send us an sms 'cause I don't have your number anymore...nor nearly OTH Dave's. Monsoonerised my phone. Found out it's not that waterproof afterall. Ta.


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