Boredom. Not just bored, but full-on raging apathy, if that’s even possible. Work is so mind-numbingly dull I can’t fully describe the new rents I have in my attention to the world in all its annoying glory due to the monotonous soul-destroying sameness. Home is ok, except by the time I’ve side-stepped everyone that I want to punch in the head for walking too slowly, I’m really not in the mood to do anything but find some good telly and park myself in front of it with some whisky, in the vain hope that something will inspire me. And even that ran out last night, so it’s good tea and staring at the wall, wondering how I could magically get another job.
I have actually applied, but people don’t seem to want me. Maybe it’s the lack of up-yer-arse degrees or snooty suit-wearing behaviour. I can’t be sure. But basically, this is the first time in fifteen years that I’ve wanted out and haven’t been able to do it on the spot.
Yes, I’m being childish. Yes, I’m throwing my toys out of the pram. But yes, I have to try to find reasons to get out of bed in the morning - and I’m not even close to joking. Yes, I spend my bus ride to work thinking about how I could find some way - any way - of being in some other job by next month. Trouble is, it’s not really coming together.
Fuck it. I could call in sick tomorrow - again. Only I think they’re going to notice the eighty-eighth Thursday I’ve taken off this year. I’m just tired of stiff-upper-lipping my way through the same old routine and faking Vulcan-like patience with something that is so old it hurts.
I can’t even find anything to write about for my journalism course. 1,500 words that I can sell/donate to a magazine to show I can get my name in print? Please. If I could find any magazine still running in English that I could make up something to fit inside, I’d do it now and bloody well blag a sick day tomorrow. But I can’t seem to find anything. Everything escapes me, and everything is dull and sheenless. The effects of my job have pretty much ground the shine off everything I think and do. I’m amazed I managed to put this post together, to be honest.
That’s it. I’m off. Bed, pretend to sleep, then plough through another soul-rotting Thursday. But hey, there’s the weekend to look forward to - Sunday and Monday off, due to HK’s handover day. Watch me do cartwheels across my front room in uncontrolled excitement.