Film review: Game Night (2018)

We have cinema membership cards (Cineworld, Odeon, Empire - they all do them these days) which means that, apart from paying a fixed amount a month and then seeing as many films as we like, we also get invited to see previews of new movies.

This time the movie was Game Night, so without further ado, let’s review:

What’s this all about? Rachel McAdams (in fine comedy form) is Annie, married to Max (Jason Bateman - there will never come a day when I do not appreciate his wicked-dry sarcasm), two very competitive trivia / party game nuts. They have a weekly game night at their house and their three friends come - and one brings his girlfriend-of-the-week, while everyone tries to avoid the creepy next-door-neighbour who also happens to be a police officer. Apparently he was divorced by the ‘good’ gamer and they don’t actually want him to come any more. Cut to Jason’s brother - who everyone thinks is ‘so cool’ because he’s a high flyer and has the most amazing lifestyle - is coming to visit. He decides he’s going to up the ante on poor Max (as he has apparently done their whole lives) and instead of holding your average board or party game night, he’s hired a company that specialises in kidnappings / murder mystery events.

This is a story of misunderstandings, red herrings, clues - and fake clues - nods, nudges and twisty endings. Half of the characters aren’t who you think they are (and not even who they think they are), the set pieces are not there to accomplish what you think, and if you watch closely you still won’t have the ending right.

It’s fun and it’s funny - there’s no malicious intent here, and even the way they treat the neighbour is a lesson. I lost count of the number of times I laughed out loud (in a crowded cinema), or the number of the times the people in the same cinema had to bury their faces in coats / scarves etc. just so they could laugh but still hear the next lines on film. While some of the scenarios were predictable, the humour and the ultimate reckless, cheerful fun of the point of the film carried it through and in any case, the actors made it look effortlessly hilarious.

Shout-out to Sharon Horgan for being proper awesome, as was Kylie Bunbury. Billy Magnussen was a bloody treasure, and Lamorne Morris was excellent. In fact, everyone was so well cast in this it’s impossible to find fault with the acting. Rachel McAdams, who didn’t impress me much in True Detective II was brilliant in this (“Oh no - he died!”), and I applauded her Pulp Fiction reference about as much as Max (yes, I actually clapped while I laughed).

All in all, a very funny film that I know I will enjoy watching again when I’m able. Go for the slapstick, or puns, or wisecracks or sarcasm, stay for the actual plot and the ending - and the gratuitous moments when people get to s-m-i-l-e on film.

Verdict: 9/10; run, don’t walk to your local theatre for this one.

Hong Kong film review: The Bare-Footed Kid (赤腳小子) 1993

This film is 25 years old - 25. When you think of all the movies that have come and gone in that time you really have to wonder if this will hold up against movies of the same kind. Let’s have a sit down, have a nice cup of tea, and find out as we play buy it from iTunes and hope for the best. Full disclosure: I first saw this film about fifteen years ago, and I’m curious to see what time and distance have done to nostalgia.

Because I’ve tried to fit in as many screenshots as possible, feel free to click on them to embiggen.




First off, this is a Shaw Brothers production. That alone should let you know what you’re in for: some pretty amazing kung fu, lots of noble characters being fucked over by the bad ones, social injustice and people abusing their position of power, and gratuitous wewungwung. What is wewungwung? A term popularised in the pleasantly entertaining HK film And I Hate You So (小親親, 2000), wewungwung is the combination of noises that audio artists put on movie soundtracks when kung fu masters are facing off against each other - the sounds of metal blades on metal, of swishy feet doing slippery kung fu moves in the dirt, of general fighting and combat. In a word: wewungwung.

At its core this is a political thriller (and romance between the heavy weights) that shows you the impact bad politicians have on the little people. In order to do this, it draws on such stellar talent as Maggie Cheung Man-Yuk (who you may know from such films as In the Mood For Love 花樣年華, Hero 英雄, and a whole host of other high-brow movies) as the boss of a dye manufacturing company. Her colours come out so much better than everyone else’s due to a handed-down family secret, one that she can’t tell anyone. However, she does spill the beans to Ti Lung (狄龍)’s character (you may know him from 60,000 other Shaw Brothers films), basically because she’s trying to hint politely that she fancies him and he’s being much too gentlemanly about the fact that he already fancies her.

The conflict of the story is kicked off by a young lad, fresh from his own village, whose dad has just died. Before he did, he told his son to look up Ti Lung and claim some kind of fatherly gift. This son doesn’t know why his dad entrusted it to Ti Lung or even what it is. The young lad arrives in the village and immediately catches the eye of Lady Boss Maggie Cheung by getting thrown out of a food queue. It turns out he’s literally only got the clothes he’s standing up in without shoes - that’s right, you’ve just met the bare-footed kid. She takes pity on him and gives him food; he’s so young and naiive that he’s instantly touched by her kindness. This is interesting, as I wonder if this set him up for so many falls later on - the first person he met in town was nice to him. He’s a complete bumpkin and doesn’t understand things like lying, double-crossing or politicking. The side effect of this is that he's the happiest, most helpful person you’ll ever meet - and also dives right in to protect or stand up for someone if he thinks Bad Things are happening. And if you're already thinking that’s going to get him into trouble one day then you’re not wrong.

This adorable, charming little bundle of sunshine and helpfulness is played by Aaron Kwok (郭富城), and very well - you’ve never seen a smile so wide when he’s somehow helped or eyebrows so abused when he’s struggling to understand why people are arseholes. He bumbles along, trying to track down Ti Lung with just an address given to him by his father. He bumps into a bloke in the street and asks him to tell him where it is - unbeknownst to him, the young dude he’s just accosted is actually the ever-impressive Jacklyn Wu (吳倩蓮 - you may know her from such movies as A Moment of Romance 天若有情 I, II, III, Jiang Hu 江湖, etc.), who has dressed as a bloke to enable her to gad about town with her best mate.

A bit of a struggle ensues as she’s desperate to make a break for it before she’s found out - but poor Aaron is even more desperate to find out where Ti Lung is. He makes a grab for ‘the dude’s’ shirtfront and accidentally pushes her in the chest. When he realises what his hand is smushed up against, a look of childlike panic takes over his face and he lets go like he’s been slapped - and he very nearly is. Instead she runs off and he’s left kicking himself for being impolite to a lady.

He eventually finds Ti Lung and in doing so gets a job with Lady Boss at her dye factory. It’s not long before he has to sign an order form and that’s when the audience learns he can’t read or write. Undaunted, he finds a local school and tries to join - and you’ve guessed who the teacher is, right? Jacklyn Wu, now dressed as a woman, recognises him immediately (he has no clue who she is) and when he gushes about wanting to learn to write his name so he’ll ‘be somebody’, she calmly asks him what it is and then writes it out for him. She gives him the paper and tells him to come back when he can write it. Still none the wiser, he does just that.


When he strolls back into the school, carrying a gift basket of flowers for her and feeling accomplished, she asks him in front of all the little children to write his name out for them all to see. He does - and the kids nearly wet themselves laughing. He can’t understand why until one of the kids tells him he’s written ‘dumbass’ instead.

His face goes from happy-proud to betrayed-vulnerable over the course of 5 hurtful seconds. If you look closely you can actually pinpoint the moment when his heart breaks due to his sudden understanding of the word ‘gullible’. She’s grinning with vindictive revenge but when she sees his reaction it only makes her happier. Instead of being angry, he just comes at her like a shamed puppy, asking her why she had to be so mean to him when he was only asking for help - her being so ejamukated and all. He slopes off and she’s left feeling like the git she is - and then she discovers the flowers he brought her and feels even worse. She assumes she’ll never see him again anyway, as most people that come to the town are there for a martial arts competition and once they’ve made enough money they leave again. But hey, she could always find him and apologise, right? After all, he seemed like a nice enough lad, and maybe she was a bit harsh…

Meanwhile the local magistrate is Up To No Good and is betraying people left, right and centre so that he doesn’t get found out. A new government official arrives in town and wants to root out corrupt officials, so a cat and mouse game ensues that begins to have knock-on effects for everyone: Lady Boss’ dye factory becomes the MacGuffin that everyone wants to buy or steal from her, bullies turn up regularly to try to wrest it from her, and people get into deep water by promising things they don’t have. Fights break out, friendships are underestimated and just when you think someone might get out of this alive and happy, the rug is pulled out from under your feet.

Some great acting here from the heavy-weights, and Aaron is no slouch in the reaction-face department. He’s also pretty nifty on his feet (comes from being a gifted dancer, I guess) so you get some good close-ups of the fight scenes because they have no stand-in or stuntman to hide. The wewungwung is great and I have to say, this is one I will be watching again as the fight scenes are awesome - this is mostly ‘credible’ kung fu, so you won’t see anyone flying off to land on roof tops or tackle 20-foot walls like they’re nothing. What you do get is a lot of pseudo-wing chun, some epic elbow and footwork from Aaron, and the feeling that this movie really isn’t as depressing as it should be, given the subject matter. The ending is typical Shaw Brothers ‘hero wins but not how you’d like’ - for the fiftieth time I was hoping against hope that this pulled of a miraculous ‘gotcha!’ at the end. I won’t spoil it for you on that front. The ending song was sung by Aaron as part of his studio deal - Leave Me With Some Respect (留下句號的面容), and like a good Bond film, a melody of it was used well throughout.

All in all, this was a case of grief, that was better than I remembered instead of not-stalgia (where something is nowhere near as good as you remembered it to be). I’ll wait till tomorrow to skip to the fights and watch them again.



Verdict: 9/10; fantastic wewungwung, great characters, pretty solid plot and nice execution. Nice final words from a character too - very in your face, bitch!. In fact my only gripe is that this appears to be the USA DVD version, as it’s been dubbed into Mandarin (don’t get me started on the redundancy of doing that when you can clearly see people’s mouths moving in Cantonese). But if I’d been less careless and managed to keep hold of my original HK version, I wouldn’t have had to buy it from iTunes so it’s my fault really.

And that’s it from me today - I do still have Cold War II to rewatch and review. Best get on it, then.

Soopytwist.

Hong Kong film review: Cold War (寒戰) 2012

Yes I know this is 5 or 6 years late, but hey, I’ve only seen the film 3 times so give me a break.

First off, yes this a film review. However, it’s also an excuse to talk about Aaron Kwok (郭富城), Tony Leung Ga-Fai (梁家輝, not to be confused with Tony Leung Chiu-Wai 梁朝偉, the dude you know from such films as Infernal Affairs 無間道 and Lust, Caution 色,戒), and a cracking tale of Hong Kong films being Hong Kong films about Hong Kong - not countries adjacent.

Where do we start? In much the same way that the movie steam rolls across your attention and makes everything else unimportant for the next 2 hours, let’s dive right in. This is a police drama, but it’s no ordinary police drama. You think you’re watching a power struggle between the Operations arm of the HK Police and the Management arm, when suddenly a shocking crime is committed and street-beating bobbies are kidnapped for ransom. You think you’re watching a tale about being careful what you wish for, about public servants selflessly toiling away for the Greater Good, the burden heavy on their shoulders. You think you’re watching Aaron Kwok smoulder and glare his way through holding his own against ever-screen-present, impressive HK Film Awards Best Actor Winner Tony Leung.


And you’d be right.

In fact, you’re so caught up in watching these two face off against each other, and race to solve a mysterious crime so well-planned it’s downright scary, that you don’t realise what else is going on right under your nose.

It’s smart, it’s slick, and it doesn’t waste any time. In classic Hong Kong tradition, coppers will be tested, a country’s security will be set against its need for the truth to be transparent, and the police women aren’t here for your crap or your pity. It’s a damn fine slice of HK sign-of-the-times rebelliousness; you can forgive the cheesy speech that serial cameo-maker Andy Lau (劉德華, the dude you know from such films as… oh fuck it, at one point he was in the Guinness Book of World Records for making 9 movie concurrently, so chances are you’ve already seen him 6 times this year and don’t even know it) makes when being proud of Hong Kong’s ICAC (a cinematic representation of the very real Independent Commission Against Corruption) - because he’s right to. It’s one of the few things that the mainland has yet to attack about HK, which surprises me given what it is, but that’s a rant for another time.

Back to the film: thrill as coppers fight for their lives in car chases and shoot-outs. Hold your breath as Deputy Commissioners swing from enemies to allies to enemies to downright sneaky bastards. Grin uncontrollably as you realise what the characters are up to and how they’re setting the chess board. And then shout in frustration as the people you didn’t want to get away with it actually don’t (but not in the way you want) and the people you started out hating end up being the real heroes.

I have to say, this is one of the best films I’ve seen in the last 10 years in any language. It’s tidy, it’s clever, and it doesn’t let you take a breather until you think it’s all over. Spoiler: it’s not! I know the sequel came out in 2016 (and I’ll be reviewing that in the next few weeks, now that I’ve seen this one again) so things do progress, but for now it’s just a near-perfect example of a film that doesn’t faff about and accomplishes a hell of a lot on a relatively small budget. If you are able / can stand to read subtitles for the whole film, then great. If not, then I’m afraid you’re missing out on a real action / thriller treat (however I’m sure there’s a region 1 / USA version that’ll be dubbed into English. However this means you’ll miss out on the actors’ real voices, and that’s a crime).

This won an incredible 9 awards at the 32nd Hong Kong Film Awards (2013) - for Best Film, Best Director (Sunny Luk and Leung Long-Man), Best Screenplay (same), Best Actor (Tony Leung - Aaron was snubbed as usual), Best New Performer (Alex Tsui), Best Editing (Kwong Chi-Leung, Wong Hoi), Best Sound Design (Kinson Tsang), Best Visual Effects (Cecil Cheng) and Best Original Film Score (Peter Kam). It was also nominated for Best Supporting Actor (Gordon Lam), Best Cinematography (Jason Kwan, Kenny Tse) and Best Action Choreography (Chin Ga-Lok, Wong Wai-Fai). (It would be 2016 before Aaron Kwok would finally get a win as Best Actor, for Port of Call 踏血尋梅 - about bloody time!)

Did I fit in enough screen caps? No? Ok, here are a few more:

Verdict: Are you kidding? 9.5 / 10, and that’s the highest I go.

Now I’m off to dig out my sequel DVD.

Peach and frelling lube, people, peach and lube.

Film review: The Shape of Water and Den of Thieves

It’s a twofer! Yes, I’m even lazy when I’m being lazy. On with this week's film reviews:

The Shape of Water (14th February 2018)

Guillermo del Toro, Doug Jones, Michael Shannon, Sally Hawkins, Octavia Spencer - what could go wrong? Not a lot, as it turns out. This is wonderfully scripted, nicely turned out and a joy to soak up, if you’ll pardon the pun. The story is two-fold; you have your average secret government facility bent on making the most out of a river ‘monster’ worshipped in South America as a god, and then you have Elisa (Sally Hawkins) who has been mute since birth but is certainly smart enough to take them all on. Add in a Russian spy, some criminally unacceptable behaviour and you have the makings of a very good film. In fact, the only thing I didn’t like about it was the run time; it felt quite long, even if you didn’t know what to expect from the ending. There was no urgency once the main plot point had happened, and it felt like the climax was very far off. However, the characters were very enjoyable (even the ones you loved to hate) and well fleshed out - you even felt sorry for the bath tub at one point.

Verdict: 8/10; a Sunday afternoon movie that will grow on you.

Den of Thieves (18th February 2018)

Where do I start with this one? Hmm… This is one of those films that, in ten years from now, people will look back and say ‘were we still making these films in 2018?’ I don’t mean that it looked dated, or it felt like an 80’s flick. What I mean is, it’s yet another movie about men doing man things with manly men backing them up. It’s hard to relate to a movie when 51% of the planet’s population is ignored, or even worse, relegated to non-speaking hooker roles, or made the ‘evil, nagging wife’. I’m not surprised she divorced him; she probably wanted someone who wasn’t male to talk to once in a while.

The film itself is formulaic; a heist movie pretty much along the lines of something like Ocean’s 11 but without the humour or panache. However the details that are different are Gerard Butler’s character ‘Big Nick’ (because he’s tall or because of some kind of ‘inadequate penis’ joke? Make of it what you will) and his team of highly trained, don’t-give-a-fuck-for-the-rules gang of tough, manly cops against a gang of highly trained, don’t-give-a-fuck-for-the-rules gang of tough, manly robbers. The only wrinkle is a single character who doesn’t seem to to belong to either, and yet he’s interesting enough to evade every attempt the plot makes to kill him.

Not a fan of the ending; of course the ‘good’ guy has to win out, but come on - really? When you’ve spent the last 2 hours making Big Nick the worst fucking disaster of a human being you’ve ever seen pretend to care about anything that’s not work, do you really expect anyone to be happy with how you end it? The one saving grace was again the magic character who Would Not Die. I am happy he got out, but there again, they took pains to spell it out for you after the fact. I don’t need to to spoon-fed how someone masterminded something; I’ve seen and read (and written) a few twisty endings and I can work it out for myself.

But whatever - I’m getting worked up over a movie I may never have to be subjected to again, so I’m going to just move on.

Shout out to Pablo Schreiber for his performance that made you wish he would pull the whole thing off without a hitch by just being superior. Also to O'Shea Jackson Jr for his portrayal of piggy-in-the-middle that was not so middle.

Verdict: 6/10; while it’s true there’s nothing new under the sun, if you’re going to remake one of the 7 plots for the 50th time you can at least bring it into the 21st century.

And that’s it for this week.


Soopytwist.

Black Panther: a review

There were so many things to like about this film, but also a few things to make me think it was not the movie it was trying to be, and would have been better as something else.

First off - the pros. So! Many! Women! Characters! Being! Awesome! I cannot tell you how happy I was that women were the warriors, the royal guard, the tech geniuses, the confidants, the useful people. For any movie was an impressive number, but for a Marvel movie it was amazing. To date all they’ve had is Black Widow and Scarlett Witch, and they seem to be doing their best to turn them into Love Interests With a Side of Personality. HUFF. We had the villain being an idea, not a single person (although a protagonist brought that to the fore quite nicely). I liked that we had very very few White Dudes in it (and they weren’t missed) - go ahead and make jokes about the Tolkien white men in it. I loved the scenery and the idea of what a city would have looked like if there hadn’t been colonising, meddling, Shanghai’ing, and general fuckery back in the day. I loved the other tribes and especially the magnanimousness and humour of M’Baku - he may even be my favourite character. I loved that it was an African nation on their terms, without caring what outsiders thought of it - if the studio had done the same it would have been more of a movie, I think. It was good to see Sterling K Brown (A.K.A. Gordon Walker, for Supernatural fans) and Daniel Kaluuya (Get Out) in such prominent roles and Lupita Nyong’o and Danai Gurira were outstanding.

Now to the cons: apart from battle rhinos (really? Rhinos are waaay behind in the death toll caused by hippos, Africa’s deadliest animal) and the possible tactical failure of making a concept of separatism the villain of the piece instead of just an evil moustache-twirler getting too big for their boots, there weren’t many drawback of this film. However, the CGI fights (especially those on top of cars) were so flashy and so fast that I couldn’t really track them and therefore didn’t care. There are only so many incredible slow-motion back-flips you watch in media before you find them boring, too. The actual hand-to-hand fights were much more accessible and I enjoyed them a lot - Danai Gurira was excellent in every way and I hope we see more of her character in every Marvel movie possible. I’m not sure this should have been an action flick; part of me thinks it deserved to be more of a Captain America: the Winter Solder than trying to be another Avengers. What I mean by that is more a thinking movie and less of a flashy, effects-laden action film trying to keep action fans and Marvel fans happy.

And now to the elephant (rhino?) in the room: some reviews I’ve seen online did not think that this move was a landmark at all, and in fact found it boring and meaningless. However, after seeing Wonder Woman come out last year and being totally thrilled at seeing a film about women doing women things for other women (and it not being a fucking rom-com), I get what people see in Black Panther. Other people don’t understand what I see in Wonder Woman, and why I rate it higher than I actually think it deserves. It’s because of one single fact: the people who are tired of seeing the same characters on screen (and by that I mean Straight White Dudes) because they’re not one and can’t relate to them outnumber those who are one of them. And Hollywood has known this since before its sign went up on that hill but they’ve always run Hollywood for the good of the Straight White Dudes. Now don’t get me wrong, I like Straight White Dudes (“some of my best friends are SWDs”), but the world doesn’t revolve around them and I just want more choice in my movies. Yes, I want movies like Ocean’s Eight where it’s mostly women in the cast. Yes I want movies like XXX: Return of Xander Cage where you have a diverse cast who are 90% not SWDs. And yes, I want movies like Black Panther where you have plenty of roles filled by the kind of actors that Disney says it can’t find, when challenged over why they’ve whitewashed yet another character.

Black Panther ticked so many boxes; diverse cast, a good gender balance, role models, a bit of humour, a good ending where wisdom wins out over everything else going on. It also had a very, very powerful ending where a few hundred years of shit was referenced in a solid, easily understandable way. It was such a burn in fact that the audience I saw it with contained a few people that put hands over their mouths in shock at the brutal way it was casually worded. A very good moment, I felt, and a very good way to end hostilities.

I’ve also seen a few online reviews that said that the delivery or the way it was couched “didn’t come over well” and ruined the jokes. I can see their point; I think Benedict Cumberbatch was the wrong choice for Doctor Strange because he just isn’t Doctor Strange material, and his delivery of the let-down joke is so poor he massacres the punchline. However, I did not find that to be the case with Chadwick Boseman or any of the Black Panther cast. What I did get was a chance to get used to another way of people talking, another way of people expressing themselves. I’ve said it before and I’ve said it again; you don’t have to make everyone talk like a white American from an easily identifiable state in order to make them an important character. This has recently come to light in series such as Star Trek: Discovery, where Michelle Yeoh has kept her Malay accent and it’s been perfectly fine.

All in all, I enjoyed this, but if they’d cut out the CGI fights on top of cars and edited it together in such a way that the story flowed more easily, I would have given this a higher score.

Verdict: 8/10; for all the reasons above. You should see this - everyone should - so that people understand that audiences are bored of the Same Old Shit coming out of Hollywood. Also, the very end-end scene gives us clues about Avengers: Infinity War. Just sayin’.

And that’s it, I think. I have a course to go back to studying and telly to catch up on.

Until next time: soopytwist.

Star Trek Discovery - What if?

It’s time for some fanfiction. Because there was this time, and then there was this time…

Title: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Vulcan

Rated T/Teen & Up for some naughty language, some violence and conduct unbecoming, and maybe a frying pan.

Summary:
In the dying moments of S01xE15, the Discovery is ordered to Vulcan but gets side-tracked. What if they keep getting side-tracked so they have to keep their Acting Captain for the whole of season 2? Yes please! This is a series of one-shots detailing just that. SPOILERS for season 1 only. For those about to read, I salute you.

Disclaimer: 
I do not own nor make any profit from Star Trek in any of its forms, franchises or characters. This is all for fun, not for profit. Unless you add me to any favourites lists or leave reviews/comments.

Linky-link-link: HERE at An Archive of Our Own under my name TozaBoma (because they don’t re-edit your stuff later) and HERE at Fanfiction dot net under my name Mardy Lass.

If you even visit the page, I thank you.

Star Trek Discovery 1x15 - a season finale and a half

Warning! Danger, Will Robinson!
Here be SPOILERS for Star Trek Discovery series 1 episode 15!

Where do we start with this episode, Will You Take My Hand? Ceti eels, bread and circuses, Trills and Betazoids - it was all in here. Double-crosses - the first Prime Directive moment? - familiar actors, Orions, Qo’noS markets and dirty tattoo parlours. What didn’t this episode have?

I have to say I liked the twist to this. I honestly thought there was going to be a completely different ending - and no, I’m not talking about the distress signal. I know hundreds of people will be rushing to look up Captain Christopher Pike and find out what he was doing wandering around the Alpha Quadrant around the year 2255, but I’m more interested in how the only mutineer on the ship managed to have the backing of the entire crew to stage another mutiny right there, right then, if Admiral Cornwell didn’t back down from her desperate plan.

Also: giving the detonator to the bomb to the klingon prisoner was inspiring but also perhaps the best bit of Prime Directive I think I’ve seen on Discovery. Not interfering with the internal struggles literally on the homeworld of another race by handing over your weapon of mass distruction is basically surrendering and withdrawing to let them sort it out themselves. They have, of course, tipped the outcome in favour of L’Rell, but what choice did they have?

I loved the markets and the fact that, as Burnham says, this is life. It’s people getting on with it, whether it’s in the Orion quarter or milling around the free-flowing streets. It may have been filmed to look a little dark (literally - is it ever daytime?) and dingy, but the signs, the people, the things they were doing in the background - they were all fascinating. Maybe it’s a human thing to want it well-lit all the time and I should get over it.

I did notice the young (?) Trill lady getting her tattoos done and for a moment I really hoped it was Emony Dax. She didn’t really have any cause to be hanging around Qo’noS at all, never mind the Orion quarter, but I can’t help hoping it was. It’s very closed-minded of me - it could have been any one of several million joined or unjoined Trills, I know. I’m basically doing the same as every person who says ‘where are you from?’ and when you say your country they say ‘I know someone there called X - do you know them?’. But I just miss DS9 and while Discovery is excellent in every way, it’s still neck-and-neck with DS9 in my heart. I can’t help it.

There was a lot to think about with Burnham and her past with klingons; we were never told the exact details of how and why her parents came to be dead, but this spelt it out and the energy of the gaming place was infectious, even through a TV screen. I was not at all surprised that Tyler managed to insert himself so easily in a gambling den full of klingons - I was more worried that he wouldn’t leave. Well, worried is a stretch. More like hoping something in him would switch him with Voq and he would assert himself. I know that’s not on the cards, but again I held out hope. The fact that Tyler has now escaped a life of lab testing, of suspicion and pity from well-meaning Federation people is crafty. I know it’s a bit drastic, going into the heart of klingon territory and culture to avoid a few overly polite humans, but part of me thinks he remembers how Voq saw it and whatever part of him was Tyler liked it. I wouldn’t blame him if he just wanted a good old-fashioned klingon knees-up, to be honest. He needs it, with what he’s been through.

L’Rell - what now for the ‘nothing’ that nobody wanted? And now she has her pet human - sorry, ex-klingon - with her, how will she tighten the leash on the other houses and keep order? As long as she holds the planet to ransom, she’s good. But that makes her a target and it’s going to be hard to keep the planet spinning while at the same time using it as a bargaining chip to keep the houses in line. At least now her house can come out of hiding - if there’s anyone left.

I actually enjoyed the end speech at what I assume was Starfleet Headquarters. Nice that everyone got a medal - and Tilly finally an Ensign! YES! It’s about time! She’s been through a lot this series (not least of all getting high with the dude who was in the original series as Balok, as the dude under the stairs who helped Dax find her ‘pin’ in DS9, and one of the Ferengi hustlers in Enterprise. He certainly gets around) and it’s about time this was recognised. One final touch I really liked - a posthumous medal for Medical Officer Hugh Culber. Gone but not forgotten.

And so to the very end - the distress call from one USS Enterprise. Very interesting indeed - where have they been during the klingon war and how intact are they? As an aside; I know Commander Spock was First Officer of the Enterprise under Captain Pike in the original timeline but he can’t be in this one - if this is 5 - 10 years before Kirk gets the Enterprise in the Kelvin timeline (which this appears to be), then he couldn’t have been serving on the Enterprise at this time - he would have been at the Academy, designing the Kobayashi Maru and going through his own Starfleet training. But if we do see Spock, it has to be Zachary Quinto or it’s all off. After all, he’s the best not-Spock who ever Spock’d.

Admiral Cornwell mentioned that they were off to get their new captain (someone not on Earth, then?) before the distress signal went off. I hope that in season 2 there’s a running gag whereby every time they try to get to that captain to pick them up, they get side tracked and Saru ends up ‘acting captain’ for the entire season. That would make me happy.

Do you know what? This whole season has made me happy. It had a few dips here and there, and there were times I really wanted certain characters to die, but on the whole it’s been a rollercoaster and I’ve really warmed to a lot of characters. I’ve loved the twists and the turns, and I’ve enjoyed the way they crafted something so carefully that it never occurred to you to question it until it was too late. All in all, this has been a bang-up season 1 to any series, and to have it as our new Star Trek has been even better. To begin with I was just relieved it wasn’t shit - now I’m happily calling it my second-favourite series (although with time I don’t know how that will change).

It may have taken 14 years to get a new Star Trek on TV, but it’s here and I bloody hope it’s here to stay. If this cancel this now, we riot.

Peach and lube, everyone. Peach and frelling lube.

The X Files - season 11 so far

Yes, we’re only 6 episodes into the new season (apparently, the very last season, as Gillian Anderson is not coming back for any more) and already I need a rewatch. Not in the sense that this season has flown by (which it has), but I’m pretty sure you need to remember about 10,000 things from season 10 to be in the loop with season 11.

For example - was it me, or was 11x01 My Struggle III all about Scully seeing most of the end of season 10 through William’s visions? So has it happened or not? Because either the episode was very close to the end of season 10, or it actually was the end of season 10. And another thing - how has William been sending all this stuff to Scully - why? Why her? Does he know he’s sending stuff, and if he does, can he control to whom it goes? And if he can, how does he know to send it to her - does he know she’s his mother?

Anyway, moving on, we’ve had a some very solid episodes since. 11x02 This is reminiscent of some of the best tech episodes. It had some nice touches and I liked the fact that it kind of confirmed what we thought had happened to the members of the Lone Gunmen. It reminded me of the episode 1x07, Ghost in the Machine, where the high-tech building may have murdered an exec and may be trying to kill them (not the movie of the same idea with Paul Reiser, The Tower). There were hints that maybe Scully hangs out at Mulder’s place much more than previous seasons let on - is this because they know it’s the last series so they’re settling it how they want? Hmm. Anyway, Skinner and the Cigarette Smoking Man are also putting in appearances, and it seems now that CSM may have more than just his hands in what Mulder and Scully have been up to.

11x03, Plus One is brilliant. The supporting cast are spot-on and as the episode gets underway we have typically X-Files type shenanigans and you begin to wonder how Mulder and Scully haven’t tumbled to the cause of the deaths sooner, the amount of times they’ve had something similar happen to them or those around them. However it is a great little episode made all the more fun by the this time in-your-faceness of Mulder and Scully’s confirmed shagging antics. If the last episode hinted at it, this once just shows it onscreen for the sake of complete clarity.

11x04 The Lost Art of Forehead Sweat is hilarious and exactly what was needed. It almost could have come from Ben Edlund, except this being The X Files and not Supernatural, it’s from Darin Morgan, the man behind such stellar episodes as Mulder and Scully Meet the Were-monster (10x03), Jose Chung’s From Outer Space (3x20), War of the Coprophages (3x12), Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose (3x04), Humbug (2x20), and Blood (2x03). Every single one of those episodes is reason for celebration and a rewatch - apart from Ben Edlund, it’s hard to find another writer who I can say that about. Back to the episode; a tongue-in-cheek good old fashioned fun-poking, this also advances a few plots quietly in the background, while bringing all your favourite tropes with it. Bryan Huskey does a very good job of bringing us poor beleaguered Reggie Something - you may have caught sight of his FBI badge in a previous episode (and I do mean ‘caught sight’ - blink and you’ll miss it). The episode deals with false memory, and in doing so clarifies how current society in the west uses and abuses real facts. Very pertinent, especially now, it goes on to explain how if everything Mulder is seeking to expose actually were revealed it wouldn’t make a difference - I’m reminded of a line in a Del Amitri song: the Martians could land in the car park and no-one would care.

The last act is genius and I could not stop laughing, even through the rather sober thought that it’s cutting close to the bone for a lot of viewers in the USA. But what the episode wanted to say had to be said, and go down in history as one of those times a writer said to themselves I dunno man, is this social commentary too much? I mean… No wait - fuck it. If people in charge can get away with what they get away with, then I’m allowed to do what I’m about to do. And he was right.

11x05 Ghouli felt like a Supernatural episode to me, and in fact for the first two acts my mind was splitting the episode off, Sliding Doors style, to follow what would have been happening if Sam and Dean had been the (fake) FBI agents on the case instead. But then it does reclaim the episode for X Files lore - the case is not what it seems and in fact has some very personal consequences for Mulder and Scully (I have to say, more Scully than Mulder. I mean, what did he ever have to do with William? He must have met him what, twice? When he was in nappies?). It had a great ending and I was looking forward to more on the subject, which was a surprise for me because up until now it’s not been the most exciting of topics.

11x06 Kitten featured Haley Joel Osment looking all grown up and able to handle two roles very well. A very good tale, a good way to bring in Skinner and also to bring home to Mulder and Scully just how many times he’s stepped in, protected or covered for them. More than a simple thank you is in order, but I think this episode deals with it well.

I think that’s us up to date - just have to wait until next Thursday for the next instalment. I refuse to look at spoilers, so I will wait and see what we have coming.

Soopy twist.

Going to the Pictures (XI) - Winchester

Film review time!

Winchester (6th February 2018)

I’ll start by saying that yes, the first time I heard about a creepy film about possible ghosts, and that it was called ‘Winchester’, I immediately thought of Supernatural. Wait, you mean you didn’t?

The story centres around the real life mission of Mrs Sarah Winchester (played by Helen Mirren), owner of the actual Winchester Repeating Arms Company, to keep adding rooms to her already huge house. The men back at the company offices suspect she’s bonkers. In an effort to have her declared unfit so they can swipe her control of the company, they send in Dr Eric Price. Promising him money and comfort if he can pronounce her unable to keep control, they send him off to San Francisco safe in the knowledge that they’ve snaked her company out from under her.

In the film however, once he gets there he’s cut off from his comforts; no drink, no laudanum (something to which he’s become addicted) and no snooping around the monstrous house. One wing in particular is announced off-limits, only piquing his interest.

It turns out she isn’t completely off her rocker; the reason she keeps adding rooms (that are then torn down and replaced) is that she’s in the process of atoning for all the souls taken by Winchester guns or rifles - something of an ongoing battle. I won’t reveal how or why as that would spoil the movie, but basically it’s something only she can do. Dr Price slowly begins to realise what’s going on and any thought of selling her out to the company is lost in the struggle to survive.

A few good jumps and scares (not a horror by any stretch of the imagination), this is an atmospheric and successful creeper - not a slasher or screamer flick. You expect to see things jump out from behind people, or the wall, or thin air. Whether they actually do or not you’ll have to see for yourself.

Helen Mirren is always good and Jason Clarke as Dr Price is cast against his usual soldier type, and he does well. The build-up to what you think is coming is a good one, and you may be surprised by the ending. I did like how some of the climax was explained, and I liked how it ended up.

Verdict: 8/10; solid, creepy, edgy, and not what you think.

That’s it for now. The next movie we have tickets for is Black Panther, which I’m trying not to get excited about so it’ll be much harder to be disappointed.

Soopytwist.

Star Trek Discovery 1x14 - Don’t Care Was Made to Care

Warning! Danger, Will Robinson!
Here be SPOILERS for Star Trek Discovery series 1 episode 14!

Let us climb down from the heady heights of episode 13 for just a moment: Mirror!Lorca is dead, Cornwell is convinced Prime!Lorca was probably killed shortly after ending up in the Mirror Universe, and Emperor Pippa has been kidnapped and taken to the Prime Universe. In what is basically Farscape levels of holy shit how are we not dead?-ness, the Discovery is intact, most of her crew are too, and they’ve got intel needed to help defeat cloaked klingon ships. The fact that they’re 9 months late getting back and most of Starfleet has been decimated is like that moment when you think Monday is over and then a catastrophe happens and abruptly - and rather rudely - you can see yourself putting in 6 hours of messy, horrible overtime just to avoid Tuesday being your worst nightmare.

First off, what are we grateful for? Tilly. Tilly continues to be awesome. She’s doing her job and is very good at it, while at the same time spreading peace, love and understanding wherever she goes. She’s still the awkward, shy person who talks too much, but now she’s listened to. Because people know she’s awesome. Can she finally have a field commission to Ensign now?

We’re also grateful that Emperor Pippa has crossed over - oh yes. Who else to command a ship to go to war? I can see the fact that Admiral Cornwell has lied to everyone - blatantly - by introducing her as Prime!Georgiou is infuriating to both Acting Captain Saru (does he go back to being Number One now?) and Specialist Burnham - the only two who know her real identity apart from Cornwell and the random cool-haired dude running the transporter room. Emperor Pippa is devious, must have an ulterior motive, and ready to shiv the first person who says no to her - what’s not to like? Weyoun is alive and well in the writer’s room and it makes me smile.

Ash Tyler. Hmm. Not really feeling it. He’s a bit of a non-entity to me and especially now as he’s trying to find if he actually is anyone because Voq’s ‘gone’. Do we believe he’s really gone? I’m 50% sure that I’m not sure on that one. The thing is, I don’t care to try to trust Tyler because I just don’t find the character compelling. Sorry, Tyler fans. He should be epic - first an MIA officer who busted out of a klingon prison with a random Captain, then a spy, then a really deep undercover spy and love interest… But something in me just Does Not Care. I don’t know why.

Species re-assignment surgery - how do we feel about that? It was described as voluntary, but the ‘re-assignment’ word makes my skin crawl. I don’t know why - maybe it’s politicians in our world going on about re-assignment to ‘help’ people be something less than they are, like not gay or not needing to transition to another gender. I think that’s the connotation I place on it - something meted out by the dictatorship of an all-powerful, closed-minded government. The way the klingons seem to use it is different though - there’s a lot to be said for them mentioning it was ‘voluntary’. It wasn’t made out to sound particularly pretty, and it certainly didn’t seem it. Tyler talking about some of the procedures done to ‘him’ as Voq were harrowing, but it makes me wish Voq had survived, not Tyler. I know the sci-fi ‘what is the measure of a man? thing with human-looking Tyler actually being an ex-klingon in a human meatsuit is exciting and can be milked for a lot of metaphors. However part of me really wants Voq to re-emerge and assert control, only to find in the end that he’s better off biding his time and then taking the klingon houses by storm, conquering all of them and becoming the Chancellor in charge at last. And when it comes down to it, he won’t destroy the Discovery and everyone aboard because it was where he was able to execute his plans - and he has the humans to thank for his shelter as he worked on his top secret plot with L’Rell.

I do agree with Burnham saying she can’t forget how he tried to kill her - no matter who was ‘in there’ when he was trying it. I also liked Stamets’ face as he confronted Tyler in the corridor. I thought Stamets took Culber’s death too easily, but I see now he’s just being very professional. However, I would not leave those two in a locked turbolift for any length of time. I get the feeling Stamets would start talking until Tyler just leapt out of a window. Which wouldn’t be the worst thing.

Poor L’Rell in confinement is still getting over losing Voq, it seems - or is she? She learns that klingons have pretty much floored the Federation and she gloats for a little, but how much does she want a disordered, competitive bunch of scrapper clans warring it out instead of a mighty Empire? She’s already proven she will go to great lengths to get what she wants, so how will she spin this to get free and somehow influence what the klingons around her will do? It seems she doesn’t care either way what happens to herself as long as the humans see her laughing as the puny things die - but is that really how she feels?

I like that Admiral Cornwell gets to stand on the bridge and say FIRE, but it’s to launch terraforming pods that will trigger a spore bloom, not to destroy anything. I think Picard would have enjoyed being there. For her, I guess, it’s a reversal of the past 9 months - something is being created instead of destroyed. As she’s the only one, bar Emperor Pippa, who has had recent and harrowing dealings with full-blown war, it must be something of a life preserver to see something being created at last. After 9 months of fighting and blood and losing ships and starbases, here's something she can care about - new spores in a lovely shade of victorious science.

I like the teamwork we’re getting now that Lorca is gone; it’s like his my way or the high way style of command has gone out of the window - or should I say through the floor - with him. Saru’s style of asking and thinking about it, of co-ordinating the team instead of keeping people in the dark - it’s much more Starfleet. I like the dynamics of the ship now - (Vice) Admiral Cornwell, Specialist Burnham, Acting Captain Saru, Lieutenant Stamets, Lieutenant Keyla Detmar, Lieutenant Rhys, Lieutenant Commander Airiam, Lieutenant Owosekun, “random communications officer man” Bryce - find me a straight white dude in there. I’ll wait. Oh look what they did! They made people interested in the story, in the characters, without needing more than 1 of them! I’m not saying get rid of them like they’re a bad thing, I’m just saying it makes a nice change to look around a bridge and see people who are not straight white dudes. I haven’t seen such a divergence from the Kirk-Spock-Bones, Picard-Riker-Data triumvirate since the Sisko-Kira-Dax of DS9.

But I digress. Now we have a battle plan with a possibly double-crossing Mirror Universe Terran as the Federation’s last hope to either win the war with the klingons or at least bring it to a stalemate. To be honest, I like Emperor Pippa’s chances; she’s ruthless, she’s in it to win, and she knows how to beat down a bigger opponent. She has little wiggle room here - but, lest we forget, though she be but ‘little’, she is fierce. I’m not mad about Cornwell going off the res by parading her as Prime!Georgiou, but Needs Must - something she may be learning from Emperor Pippa herself.

Quick shout-out before we go - I like the statement that Captain Archer and the crew of the NX-01 Enterprise were the last Starfleet people to see Qo’noS a hundred years before Discovery. Like it a lot.

If only the next Star Trek film could sway the timeline back to its original path (“Time has an elastic quality, after all” - as Harvey/Scorpius once said) so we can then bring in something of DS9, that would be epic.

I think that’s all I’ve got, so I’ll love you and leave you.

Peach and lube, people. Peach and frelling lube.

Flights and Compensation

If like me you get on a plane in order to go on holiday, and then sit with barely restrained excitement whilst they do pre-flight checks and it feels it takes entirely too long to actually lift off and leave the country, then you may be sympathetic to my cause in this post.

My sister and I had been looking forward to a cruise holiday, a Star Trek cruise holiday at that, for around a year. We each booked flights, checked our passports and ESTA waivers were still valid, packed up uniforms, holiday essentials and tiny wee instant printers for door decorations and drove off to dingy, expensive Heathrow airport. (Incidentally, I didn’t pay for my flight - I used all my air miles to get a free seat, then only had to pay the airport taxes. This alone came to £250, so thanks, Heathrow, for being the most expensive airport for passenger taxes in the world before they even choose a flight.)

Anyway, we get on the plane and everything seems to be moving in the right direction. To the rest of the passengers the plane is apparently really hot - for me it’s comfortably warm (and I was still wearing a fleece). As the pre-flight checks go on it becomes apparent that we have no air-con. The pilot comes over the tannoy and tells us that we can’t take off without it, and that we’re waiting for an engineer to arrive. 20 - 30 minutes should do it, he says, and then we’ll be off.

An hour later we’re still on the tarmac, still in our seats, because the engineer has been out, seen that something needs a new part, and has no gone off to find the new part. The pilot tells us that he should be back in about 20 - 30 minutes, and then we’ll be off.

An hour after that, people are complaining and getting up and walking about, checking their travel insurance, checking connecting flights, and basically freaking out. This whole time, to distract myself from climbing the walls because OH MY STEPHEN FRY PEOPLE ARE OBNOXIOUS AND JUST FUCKING ANNOYING AND WHY CAN’T WE TAKE OFF ALREADY BECAUSE WE’RE LOSING HOLIDAY TIME, I’ve been playing games on my iPhone with my wireless headphones in (Jabra, not Apple). I’ve been on ‘airplane’ (AEROPLANE) mode for the whole thing, apart from posting an update to Facebook to tell people who were eager to know about the start to my holiday how shit the beginning was, so that had saved a bit of battery. However, as the HOURS dragged on I realised I was down to about 40%. Not urgent, I thought, as we’ll be taking off soon which means I can plug into the power socket anyway. I’d just have to wait until we took off.

The pilot tells us that the engineer doesn’t have the right part so he’ll have to go get one. But not to worry, because it’ll only be - you’ve guessed it - 20 - 30 minutes and then we’ll be off.

Another hour goes by and now they’re handing out tiny bottles of water and snacks that they’ve had to get from a catering truck on the tarmac, seeing as they can’t dig into our flight reserves. People are still complaining but the cabin crew are being really nice to everyone and managing to remain cheerful and optimistic (no small feat considering people are getting arsey - as if cabin crew can do anything about air-con not working at a moving-parts level anyway). It’s fast approaching 4 hours’ delay - and my sister (who used to be an insurance broker for a living) has been Sam Winchestering the internet for compensation guidelines. The snooty couple across from me have been whinging at the top of their voices about how they’re going to be late for their summer home in Miami - the housekeeper turned the pool on two days ago, you know, and now it’s the right temperature, and she’s also stocked the place with food and booze and their first pool party guests are expected to arrive on time and they can’t be late…

Uh-huh.

Anyway, turns out that there’s this little EU regulation called EU261/2004 EC - otherwise known as the Denied Boarding Regulation. This states that if you take off from an EU airport and land at your destination late by at least 3 hours (4 hours for long haul flights), then you are entitled to claim compensation to a maximum of €600.

Nice.

Guess what we did after finishing the holiday and getting back to Blighty? I wrote a letter to Virgin (using the template that Which? give out) and waited. They responded the next day, asking me to use their web-based claiming system instead. This I did, and I received an automated acknowledgement of my claim. Skip to barely a week later, and they send me an email offering me €600 in compensation, and asking me to provide payment details. I’ve done this too - the rest could take 10 working days. However, it’s money well earned by getting the holiday off to a bad start; once we did take off the power sockets didn’t work. And there’s the little matter of my sister trying to watch Kingsman: The Golden Circle and wondering why Tom Cruise appeared to have a 20-odd minute cameo based somewhere in the jungle. When I explained it was American Made and not Kingsman, she tried again. However, it didn’t matter what you chose to watch, all you got was American Made. I didn’t realise how bad the problem was until I got up to go to the loo, and on the way back spotted the same bloody film in varying stage of running time on each screen for every passenger still awake.

That aside, the compensation has been one good thing about the entire debacle. For me, it’s the first time I’d had a noticeable flight delay; luckily we had no connecting flights, and we hadn’t missed our cruise ship because we opted to fly in the day before - precisely for the reason of avoiding problems. So that went well. My sister however was not amused as she has had a history of delays and problems with Virgin. All I can say is I hope this is the only time I’m delayed by 4 bloody hours.

If you do run into the same problem, make sure you claim. I think it’s more psychological than financial; the feeling that you’ve somehow ‘got something back’, when in fact you haven’t at all, does cheer you up.

And that’s all the shit that’s fit to print. Enjoy the weak winter sun while you can and I’ll be back soon with more random stuff.

Soopy twist.

Going to the Pictures (X) - Early Man

After a lot of arsing about, we’ve finally got back down the pictures this week. We saw:

Early Man (30th January 2018)

An Aardman animation film, this heart-warming tale of allegedly Stone Age people fighting a war in the shape of a football match (as in, a UK football match) against allegedly Bronze Age people was in turns very funny and a lot of fun. This is not historically accurate and has no intention of being: part of the opening shows dinosaurs and people right next to each other, for example. But hey, this is here just for the puns and it shows. I’m not kidding - pay attention to the names of the football players, the shop fronts in the Bronze Age village, and one of the most contrived but also most fun uses of the word ‘balls’ I’ve heard in a while.

Voices were spot-on - Timothy Spall as the ‘old man’ (“I’m 32! I’m ancient!”), Eddy Redmayne as Dug, Maisie Williams as Goona (yes, Goona!), Tom Hiddleston as the dastardly Lord Nooth (with his most hilarious French accent), Rob Brydon playing nearly every other voice (his commentators were comedy gold), and even Miriam Margoyles in a show-stopping role.

The music was uplifting and fun, the sidekick Hognob (not to be confused with a biscuit) was ace and I have to admit I never get tired of watching stop-motion of this quality. It may have turned out predictable toward the end, but to be honest it was so much fun I really didn’t mind.

Verdict: 8/10; kids will love this, adults will smile or chuckle all the way through, and it’ll make you want to go outside and kick a ball.

That’s it for this round - more coming next week.

Soopy twist.