Film review - Solo: A Star Wars Story

Where to begin. Oh, I know:


Warning! Danger, Will Robinson!
Here be SPOILERS for Solo: A Star Wars Story!

Let’s get one thing straight: without Harrison Ford, this movie was going to be a tough sell. Having said that, the only thing better than having Harrison Ford is having a 1970s Harrison Ford, and we can never have that again, so it’s time to just suck it up and move on.

Alden Ehrenreich does a good Young Han; not all the mannerisms are there but then we’ve only got Older Han to go on, so perhaps he just hasn’t grown into himself yet. Plus there are enough of the looks, moves and nods to make you believe enough for now. Joonas Suotamo is donning the gigantic Wookiee outfit this time, and he looks and moves like the Chewie we know and love - and the original sound effects don’t hurt at all (yes, he still does The Laugh). Paul Bettany is a suitably dastardly villain, complete with Bond villain facial differences that make you wonder what his backstory is. Phoebe Waller-Bridge is a brilliant L3, although I actually could have sworn she was Gwendoline Christie. I loved the conversation she has with Qi’ra in the cockpit of the Falcon. However this is turned on its head later on in a spectacular moment of Mood Whiplash that will haunt me for a few days yet. Poor Lando.

Speaking of Lando, Donald Glover is a perfect choice and I thought he was ace - just the right amount of swagger and young-boy bravado, thinking he could cheat or talk his way past anyone and anything. I’m pretty sure he had Qi’ra pegged from the get-go, and I hate to say it, but he also started as he meant to go on - and by that I mean backing down from all deals and just taking what he’s bargained out of. Will that man never learn how to say a deal is unacceptable?

Qi’ra (Emilia Clarke) was a worthy character but I felt she never really clicked for me - I felt like there could have been more from her, as in more reaction or something that revealed more of her background dealings. All we hear from others is that she’s done ‘many bad things’ and ‘such awful things’ - like what? To whom? When? How come none of the other smugglers had heard of her? How come she doesn't have a code name like Black Widow or something, so that other people get a look on their face like ‘oh shit’ when they realise who she is? A wasted opportunity, perhaps.

But then this movie is supposed to be about Han. And it is - he’s in every scene, it’s all about how he learns to double-cross people, that he can speak Wookiee very very poorly, how he learns to dump cargo, how he gets his Indy Hat - sorry, his iconic blaster - how he meets Chewie, and of course most importantly, how he learns to always shoot first. (THANK YOU.)

The rest of the film meanders a little. Taking a cue from films like Ant-Man or Guardians of the Galaxy, it tries to have a normal heist-and-gangsters type film that happens to have Han Solo in it, but the plot loses its way as it tries to cram in all the iconic moments we need to see in an origin story. How does he get off Corellia? How does he end up soldering for the Empire? Why does he want a ship? How does he meet Chewie? How does he get the Millennium Falcon? All these questions are answered but it feels like the film is checking them off one by one.

It is fun though, and it does distract you from the running time and the ambling gait of much of the film. Yes, they have a mission and a ticking clock, but I didn’t feel urgency to it, and I wasn’t sure what they had to achieve in order to finish the movie. The twist of the coaxium refining place was a good one, but that again was a little wasted as they chose to show more of Woody Harrelson showing not telling than giving you people you could feel for.

One thing that has plagued me for 35 years though - how can you do the Kessel run in only 12 parsecs, when that’s said like it’s fast but parsecs are a measurement of length? Well this film explains that too. That alone is worth points.

There were nods to the original films as well as the newer ones, but one thing that irks is that they’re trying to make Han’s mysterious golden hanging dice A Thing. As far as I know they were some kind of background prop in the original trilogy - I grew up watching those every Christmas on UK telly and by the time I was 10 I could recite all 3 movies without the need for a soundtrack - but I’d never seen them before the most recent films. Now suddenly they’re important and he’s always hanging them on something, giving them to people or keeping them in his trousers. Whether this is to sell trinkets at Disney stores or not I don’t know, but I don’t like people trying to retcon me into believing something when I was there and it wasn’t.

Anyway, that aside, this was a fun romp for most of it, but something seemed to be lacking. It wasn’t the funky, joyful drama of Thor: Ragnarok or the punchy, exciting countdown of Rogue One, but it was enough to make us laugh a few times. Unfortunately a lot of these times were when a famous line or moment was alluded to (“I hate you.” “I know”.) or some tiny prop was shown to be the shiny new version of the old battered one we grew up with in the original trilogy.

Verdict: 8/10; good enough but not an instant hit with me, I’m afraid. And some of those points were mined from my nostalgia, not for the film itself.

That’s all for now - there are more movies coming soon but for now I have study courses to finish and a big weekend in Manchester to prepare for.

Soopytwist.

Convention Comparisons

I’ve been to a few conventions in my time - good ones, bad ones, mediocre ones. I’ve just got back from a cruise convention (yes, an actual convention on a ship), and the discussion between people now taking stock of, for some, their first go at the convention circuit, has been very interesting to say the least.

First of all, a quick run-down of some I’ve been to and the experiences I’ve had. We’ll start with the worst and work up to my best experiences, I think.

5. Creation Entertainment - Supernatural

Link: HERE
Cost of entrance: $950 for the top-level entrance ticket alone (other levels are available) - not including flights (to LA for this one) and hotels.
Cost of autographs / photos: $80 and up for single photos, anything up to $150 for ‘sandwich’ photos. Autos from $50.
Organisation: They made an effort. But hey, when you pay for front row seats, I expect those seats to curve so everyone can see - and I expect the help to stop queueing question askers in front of you - whilst you’re still seated - and obscuring the guest artists on stage.
What’s On: A good range of short guest panels and talks, a karaoke night hosted by guests, maybe a party if you’re into dancing and drinking between school chairs set out in rows.
Cosplaying: Less than 15% of the approx. 5,000 attendees.
Atmosphere: Odd. Half of the place feels like they want to high-five everyone with a cool fandom t-shirt, while the other is there to whoop and cackle and scream at people on stage (with adoration, not anything else).
Overall enjoyment factor: Would have enjoyed it more if our horrendously overpriced tickets had afforded us an actual decent view, and if the parties had been… partier. All in all, I felt like I’d been very smoothly fleeced of at least $600.

4. Rogue Events - Supernatural

Cost of entrance: £110 (approx. $150)
Cost of autographs / photos: £50 and up (approx. $70) for singles
Organisation: Poor. Very poor. As in ‘people desperately tweeting each other to find out if anyone else at the con knew where anything was’ poor. Also, people waiting in queues while playing Twitter and Tumblr games to pass the time and to stop everyone going nuts.
What’s On: A full two days of guests on stage in a large, drafty hall. If you saw them all Saturday, on Sunday you could see them all again - in different duos or at different times. And the good thing was, if you didn’t have photos or autos then you didn’t have to keep getting up and running out of the hall to queue up to 2+ hours to get them. All the guests were entertaining, too.
Cosplaying: Nearly none, except for the ‘disco’ night. If you could find it.
Atmosphere: There’s something about a UK Supernatural convention that makes everyone feel just glad they’re at a con where their phone still works because they’re still in their own country, and they can use power points to charge their phones in the hotel (for the same reason), and they look around and see that 75% of the audience is also from the UK. It’s much more relaxed than a US convention (there’s no Beatlemania screaming and we don’t throw things on stage), but everyone seems to want to have a good time.
Overall enjoyment factor: The ruinously bad organisation distracted us a fair bit; unless people were speaking on stage, we were mostly searching for where we were supposed to be or racing to get food between sets. We have had more fun, and often. At least it was sunny in Blackpool in 2017.
Interesting note: Rogue Events closed down in 2017. Make of that what you will.

3. Star Trek the Cruise

Link: HERE
Cost of entrance: $900 per person, depending on the cabin (which is included). This does not include flights or hotels either side of the cruise itself.
Cost of autographs / photos: Surprisingly affordable - from $40 per auto and $50 per photo.
Organisation: Not too bad. Apart from switching times of when to pick up printed photos, or our main show event, or changing times so that suddenly they happen to clash with photo or auto ops, they may have been pretty dire at organising their way out of a paper bag, but at least they hadn’t charged as much as Creation Entertainment. However, there’s the small matter of the photo I took with Nana Visitor that I never got to collect. Thanks, ECP Ltd.
What’s On: Quite a full programme for the days you’re at sea. Obviously there’s less on when the ship hits the shore leave destinations, but what do you want? Main dining was good and the unlimited beverage package is well worth it at $500 - all drinks (except bottled water) and all tips are included. You know exactly where you stand with your bar bill at all times! They put on special Star Trek cocktails and changed menu names, etc. to make it feel themed. A bit more effort could have gone into this but it was at least better than 2017. Parties every night that went on till 2 or 3am, pool parties, 70’s discos, karaoke - lots to do for night owls.
Cosplaying: A lot. At any one time it felt like nearly 50% of the 1,900 guests on the Norwegian Jade were in uniform, or costume, or something along those lines.
Atmosphere: Mostly very good. No in-fighting amongst fans of different eras (at least not in public), not a lot of overheard grumbling. Some is inevitable, but it felt like most people where there to have a good time.
Overall enjoyment factor: Hmm… Pretty good. Apart from the cruise line getting our packages wrong, and our wi-fi allowances, and us not getting our picture with George Takei (because they didn’t tell us we had one, which we found out the next day from other passengers), and them switching things so we couldn’t see panels we wanted, it was still a cruise from Miami to the Honduras to Belize to Mexico. Not bad. And all the entertainment plus the cabin for 6 nights was the same price a gold ticket to Creation. Just sayin’.

2. Destination Star Trek

Link: HERE
Cost of entrance: €300 (approx. $370)
Cost of autographs / photos: €25 and up (approx. $31 and up)
Organisation: Pretty good. Three stages, well-documents timetables on their website a few days in advance of the event, helpers in English and the native language of the European city they’re in at the time, lines taped on the floor, wristbands to help you queue-jump if that’s what you’ve paid for - at times they could have adhered to this better but overall it was a monumental step up from Rogue Events.
What’s On: Two to three full days of panels, programmes and some quiet evening parties.
Cosplaying: Hmm. I’d say about 50%. It’s not exactly spot-on replicas or impressive Klingon foreheads, but it’s a start. And the heart is there.
Atmosphere: Again, European conventions seem to have the same dampening effect on jubilance as UK conventions. People want to have fun, it’s just that they’re a little reserved. Still, they came out in droves and the fact that one stage is just for fan panels and was always full tells you a lot.
Overall enjoyment factor: Not bad, I have to say. More fun than a Rogue Events con and a third of the price of a Creation Con, but still not quite all it could be.

1. Dragon*Con

Link: HERE
Cost of entrance: $90 - $100 for 4 days
Cost of autographs / photos: $20 and up
Organisation: They have their own app; it tells you what’s on and where, and how to get there, and alerts you ASAP if something is cancelled, postponed or moved. They’re spread over 6 host hotels (3 of them connected by ‘sky walks’, A.K.A. tunnel walkways between hotels), they have over 2,000 volunteers each con, and last year they bussed, shipped, fed, sold to, amused, entertained and kept safe over 80,000 attendees - not counting over 250 guests.
What’s On: So much your head spins. They cater to every kind of multimedia including films, tv, comic books, computer games, table-top games, D&D, music, and apps. There are always at least 5 things on every hour - 2 of each you’ll want to line up to see. There are 6 massive parties every night, one in each hotel, each with a theme.
Cosplaying: Yes. Oh Stephen Fry - yes. Last year out of the 80,000 people who actually turned up, 72% were in uniform or costume or similar. You know when you see photos of people at Comic Con and they have a perfect costume - and no-one else in the background is doing cosplay? Well when you take a photo at Dragon*Con, most people walking past in the background are also in cosplay. And don’t forget the opening parade - you sign up and they organise you into sections (fandoms) to march you around Atlanta during their peak tourism and showing-off season.
Atmosphere: PARTY HEARTY MARTY. I mean it. Everyone is there to show off their cosplay and congratulate you on yours. If you lose your friend dressed as Leeloo Dallas, do not stand on a chair and shout ‘Leeloo Dallas’ to find them, because that single hall containing over 5,000 people will shout ‘MULTIPASS’ as one and you’ll still be none the wiser as to where she is. People will high-five, others will drink, others will take photos - and then a ThunderCat will run past you, a Stormtrooper will go into the hotel Starbuck’s with a Farscape Peacekeeper, Batman will be buying an ice-cream for a tiny Ewok child, a Starfleet red shirt will back away from a Colonial Marine straight off the USS Sulaco, Sailor Moon and Daredevil will squeeze past you, Mulder and Scully will be caught chatting to Richard Castle and Kate Beckett, klingons will be at the bar toasting each other, Killjoys from the RAC will be trying to take photos with the Scarback Monks, the Doctor (9th or 10th) will be laughing with the Doctor (2nd or 4th), Tony Stark and a male Starbuck will be sharing a drink and Wonder Woman will be holding the door open for Leia Organa.
Overall enjoyment factor: Are you kidding me? This is Utopia. After 4 days you will never want to leave.

And that’s why Dragon*Con is my all-time favourite. They invite every guest they can get their hands on, 2017 was their 25th anniversary year which means they do know what they’re doing, it’s 10th the price of a Creation convention (have I mentioned how expensive they are yet?) and you will never, ever, be short of things to do. I’ve already blogged about it enough, so all I’ll say is I’ve also already mentioned the uniforms I had. And now I swear I’ll stop going on about Dragon*Con.

That’s is. It feels like I’m still jetlagged but I landed last Friday and it’s now Wednesday night, so I can’t be. Anyway, that’s my convention whinging out of my system. I’m sure next time it’ll be something much more exciting.

Soopytwist.

Going to the Pictures (VIII)

Nearly time for me to head off on a well-deserved holiday, but before that, there’s the pictures. As with all my movie reviews, let’s dive straight in:

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (Unlimited screening, 2nd January 2018)

Great cast, charming, wickedly funny and a polarising story - this was a surprise hit for me. I hadn’t even seen the trailer before I booked tickets; with names like Frances McDormand, Sam Rockwell and Woody Harrelson, I didn’t really need to. A very black comedy theme runs through this, an otherwise deadly serious tale about those left behind when family members are lost. Pointing out just how parochial some rural places can still be in America, while at the same time showing how normal, decent people can be better than you ever thought, it’s barely 2 hours of giggles and surprised gasps. The cast was amazing, with no characters wasted.

Verdict: 9/10; watch this at your local when you can.

The Greatest Showman (3rd January 2018)

Hugh Jackman going back to his origins in a show-stopping musical based loosely on the early life of P. T. Barnum (yes, he of Barnum and Bailey fame). No Bailey in this, just song after song of wonderfully choreographed, well costumed, flawlessly acted fluff. Unfortunately that is not what I’m into, so while it was all arranged and executed well, I was a bit bored. Still, others will enjoy this.

Verdict: 6/10; most of it was lost on me, I’m afraid. I’m more of a Moulin Rouge! kind of person.

Molly’s Game (4th January 2018)

Superb; Jessica Chastain excels as Molly Bloom (not the one from the James Joyce novel), an ex athlete with a strict father who decides she can succeed at anything she wants - making piles of money from underground poker games included. Witty, sharp, engaging and not as depressing as the subject matter should dictate, this is a slick, fun yet straight view of iron will and refusal to be held to other’s opinions of you. Idris Elba also shines as the lawyer who never wanted her case.

Verdict: 9/10; go watch this. Run, don’t walk.

Star Wars VIII: The Last Jedi (8th January 2018)

Warning: this review contains SPOILERS.

Well I’m certainly glad I didn’t pay for a ticket to this reboot of Return of the Jedi as an individual film. The fact that I pay one fee a month and see as many films as I want definitely helped in this situation. It wasn’t a bad film at all - it was well crafted, it had some humour (although it didn’t seem as if the audience I saw it with realised it was supposed to be funny), and the effects were of course amazing. But it felt like there were too many characters and too many stories going on - and I was bored after about 90 minutes. When I was thinking perhaps something was about to happen - what were we waiting for again? - another story started and I looked at my watch. It felt like about 6 hours had elapsed when really it was only about 2 and a half. I like long films when they have a point, but this belaboured the emo-ing out over the good / Dark Side thing far too much. Lots of stories were overlaid when they didn’t need to be there. A young brash almost-Jedi, hoping to turn the once-good but now Dark Side Jedi back to the good side with the Emperor looking on, taunting and coming very close to recycling the same lines? Please. I’m not sure whether it was supposed to be a ‘homage’ or whether they really couldn’t think of anything else to do. Luke spending most of the movie on an island in Ireland was not exactly spine-tingling, and to be quite frank I was hoping for more Leia than Finn (why was he in this movie again?).

But anyway. I’m sure a million fans are rewatching it and having fun - and I’m happy for them. However, for me it wasn’t a patch on Rogue One and fell short of even the Episode VII rehash of Episode VI.

I think I’m done with people passing off unoriginal rehashes as derivative stuff with ‘nods to originals’. Can we have something new please? Star Trek Beyond was ten times the film this was.

That’s it for films this time round. I’m getting on a plane in about 12 hours to head off to a Star Trek cruise. Do I ever need it.

Soopytwist.

News update



Apparently, according to my group of Form 2 students who attend various Hong Kong secondary schools, only people in big hats are in charge. They cite the Pope, chefs in any swanky kitchen, ‘that bloke who got shot in America’ (A.K.A. Abraham Lincoln), and, of course, the Fat Controller from Thomas The Tank Engine and Friends.

Also, from a particularly pants-wettingly funny crack!lesson* including a dangerous mix of P5 (ten-year-old) students and myself high on green tea (hey, don’t knock it till you’ve done it), ninja monkeys are equipped with lightsabres that have had their power units swapped out for fruit (read ‘herb’)-based sugar sources to produce blistering moments of naturally beneficial squirtiness. Yes, you’ve guessed it - bananasabres.

According to the same sources, Doctor bloody Who’s ‘running music from season 3’ (officially known as ‘All The Strange, Strange Creatures [The Trailer Music]’ by Murray Gold) now trumps the Indiana Jones Theme as the ultimate Monday morning get-your-arse-out-of-bed music. However, it’s a toss-up between ‘Boe’, also by Murray Gold, and ‘Labour Of Love’ by Michael Giacchino (from the Star Trek XI soundtrack) as to which plucks at the heartstrings more.

On a completely unrelated note, the first two attempts to graft Snow Leopard 10.6.3 onto a clean Eee PC 901A have not met with success. However, NetBookBootMaker et al is being shucked in favour of Chameleon, so hopefully by this time next week we’ll be victorious.

That’s about it.

Soopytwist.

* Crack!lesson:
Named after the drug to imply that the tone of the lesson can only be the product of a deranged mind, crack!lessons can be identified by their absurd, surprising, or ridiculous premise. Generally they are full of fall-about laughter, puns and in-jokes.


Tags:
~ Hong Kong ~ Doctor Who ~ Star Wars ~ Indiana Jones ~ Star Trek ~ Hackintosh

I can has muppets nao?

It's the 100th episode of Supernatural!

And so, ineluctably, it fell to me to do another LOLcap. It was my PLEASURE.

1. It’s a LOLcap, like the others I’ve done.
2. None of the people, characters, plots or owt belong to me. It’s all The God Who Is Eric Kripke’s, baby.
3. Your Mileage May Vary regarding the humour and/or motivations of characters herein. Please comment if you feel the need.
4. It’s close to 135 caps, so yes, IT WILL EAT YOUR DIAL-UP.
5. Distribute, disseminate, share, RT and generally pimp the link to this page wherever you want - but please do not nick my icon or pretend you made these macros. Each episode takes me nearly five hours - for a short recap. And this one was looooong. (If anyone wants raw caps, just ask and I'll send them.)
6. There is no number 6.
7. Most of the fangirl-flailing was caused by Ackle-eptic fits. (Damn you Jensen Ackles! Just pick up your Oscar and stop making me cap twice as much as I need to!)

On with the show!

Don’t click the pic if you don’t want to be completely and in every way spoiled for episode 5x18!







Tags:
Supernatural ~ LOLcaps

Conversations of the week

Student: Teacher, I saw a toy of Mr Potato, and he was a Transformer!
Me: Mr Potato Head? Oh - Optimash Prime, right? With a red and blue head?
Student: Yes! It is so cool - I want one.
Me: Do you know they make others, too? Like Darth Tater?
Student: Darth Vader?
Me: It’s a Mr Potato Head but he’s wearing Darth Vader’s black helmet, yes.
Student: Waa! And some more?
Me: They make others, like Artoo Potatoo and an Indiana Jones. I’m sure they must make tonnes of other cool ones, but I don’t know what they are.
Student: They could make… Doctor Who!
Me: What, and call him ‘Doctor Spud’?
Student: What mean ‘spud’?
Me: Potato.
Student: Oh. No, they can make Dalek Spud! Like a Mr Potato but no leg, only the big dalek thing - skirt.
Me: I like it! And a melty Davros face!
Student: Yes! And he no have a gun, just a kitchen thing that takes off potato skin!
Me: *rolling around with laughter*
Student: And a new toy - a Terminator spud!
Me: A Spudinator?
Student: Yes! With a bite hole for no eye and a red light there, like the old movie!
Me: *speechless with laughter*





Student: Teacher, I saw a comic and it had zombies.
Me: Cool. What was it about?
Student: Well… There have some people, and they are munched on, and they are now zombies.
Me: ‘Munched on’? *rolls round laughing* Munched on. Yeah, I like that. Munched on. Sorry, carry on.
Student: But I don’t know one thing.
Me: What’s that?
Student: Well if a zombie you can kill it with squishing his brain, what happen if a zombie attacks the man and eats his brain? Does he becomes a zombie?
Me: That would be hard with no brain. No, I don’t think he does.
Student: Oh, ok. So… how do you know if you eat the brain?
Me: Oh conkers - brain, ice-cream, brain, ice-cream - I always get those two mixed up.
Student: *laughs* No no no - what does a brain looks like?
Me: Like a brain.
Student: But like what?
Me: Uhm… scrambled egg. In grey.
Student: Oh.
Me: What?
Student: McDonald’s scrambled egg? Or real scrambled egg my mother makes?
Me: [Moment where I control myself and try not to laugh] I think probably real scrambled egg. McDonald’s scrambled egg isn’t really…
Student: Scrambled?
Me: Exactly. Yeah, definitely homemade scrambled egg.
Student: Then I don’t want breakfast.
Me: You could have boiled eggs.
Student: *quietly, thoughtfully* They look something like octopus eyes.
Me: And?
Student: I don’t want to eat eyes.
Me: You eat fish eyes, right?
Student: Sometimes.
Me: Same-same. But larger.
Student: Oh yeah.


Tags:
Hong Kong ~ teaching ~ Mr Potato Head ~ zombies