Monday, 18 December 2006

Word is shite

This is probably going to be the foulest, most potty-mouthed post I’ve ever submitted (even including the one I vaguely remember being called ‘Fucking Fuck Fuck’).

Microsoft Word.

You want to talk about shit? About complete and utter fucking arse-gravy? I am so incredibly incensed by this fucking shocking bit of maddeningly crap software, I am seriously considering throwing the whole fucking ‘Office’ ‘suite’ out the fucking window.

I don’t have time to waste my life trying to re-format 40 fucking word documents. I don’t have time to waste trying to locate that secret little hidden dialogue box - the one place you can switch off some fucking stupid rule about formatting, that still persists in fucking up all yer paragraphs and spacing even though EVERY OTHER FUCKING DIALOGUE BOX says it’s not doing it.

Well blatantly you are, you pathetic fucking excuse fer a programme (WITH TWO ‘M’s AND AN ‘E’!), cos some James Blunt’s* fucking up the spacing and paragraphs, and I’ll tell you this fer free: it int me, my friend!

Why in the fucking present continuous hell do you have to be so bloody perverse? Were you not smacked fer this kind of behaviour as a child? Did no-one ever tell you to stop being so bloody contrary and just PLAY THE FUCKING GAME NICELY? Why do you have to go about everything causing the maximum amount of annoyance to everyone you meet? Why am I even bothering to use it and not WriteRoom instead?

And Blogger / Google ~ sort yer fucking selves out, an all. I do not take kindly to being told repeatedly that I’ve logged in wi an old name and being re-routed to the new Google one – after I’ve tried to log in wi the new Google one and have been told to just quit it and log in wi the old one. It int big and it int fucking clever. It’s exasperating, is what it is.

That’s it.

I need a big pic to soothe the beast within. And someone who knows how to actually clear the ‘point spacing after and before’ on paragraphs in Word, even though I’ve already cleared it and all other formatting.

Fucking lying piece of shit software. At times like this, I wish I could swear as fluently as The Devil’s Kitchen’s boys. They always make it look so easy.

Ah well. It’s time for Sean Porn. I’ll feel better in a bit.

Soopytwist. Unless yer Bill Gates. Then you can just fuck a long way off.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

*James Blunt is rhyming slang. Yes, for cunt.


Phil said...

Appalling understatement. Word is in fact much worse than you made it to be. You really need to stop pulling punches. People might still buy it!


* (asterisk) said...

I can comment once more! Hurrah!

I almost never use Word, and indeed I don't even have it installed on my Mac. I try to avoid Microsoft products as much as possible.

I hate Word. Don't understand it. I use QuarkXPress or InDesign instead. For everything. Even letter writing.

But I did use Word on me missus's Mac the other day to print address labels. And it did a good job of it. Still won't buy myself a copy of the cunting shite, like.

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