RMC – new recruits!

Time to update me fantasy league of Royal Marines Commandos – and about time, too. How could I have missed out Sir Sean of Connery? I know, I know, I slapped meself fer leaving him off, and ta very much to Caz for reminding me.

Someone suggested John Barrowman. Having never seen Torchwood and only ever one ‘new’ Doctor Who, I’ll have to leave him off fer now. No personal experience, you see? Apparently he was actually born in Scotland, so his application is not being denied ont grounds that he’s a Yank. He was just brought up over there, apparently. Time will tell if I can judge him worthy on roughness/’ardness/craftiness/suitability etc. and let him in int future.

Next!

And here’s where the fun really starts [insert big grin here]. Someone suggested David Tennant, and I kinda went: “who?”, “the new Doctor Who?”, and “naw!” in that order.

But woah, woah, woah. Thanks to the magical picture collating temple that is Tinternet, I can kinda see the motivation behind his name being volunteered. But naw, still not quite ‘ard enough. Or is he?

And so to’t next stop ont evidence trawl: YouTube. This is me, having a quick squiz at some Doctor Who bollocks. This is me, caving faster than a Rich Tea biscuit in a hot cuppa tea (“fucking one-dips!”). He is terribly good in specs, int he? And he does have that Richard Hammond-esque thing about him. And he can be clever. And he was Casanova fert BBC (p.s.; still can’t find this in HK – all donations gratefully accepted). And the one categorical, undeniably favourable fact? He’s Scottish. And call me old-fashioned, but I refuse to believe he could be a complete wet blanket if he’s a Scot.

“Just hand me that application form, sir. Thank you. Hmm…. Bit of a pigeon-chested bastard, aren’t you now? Ah, but it states here ‘quick thinker who takes all opportunities presented to him’. Ah. And then ‘tall, looks good in well-cut suits’. And then it says here yer from West Lothian? Right then, hand me that rubber stamp – (bang) – done. Now get in them showers and gizza shout if you need help wi’ owt, lad – owt at all, you understand.”

And so to work. Very happy to find that The Evil Queen of Numbers (A.K.A. ‘the boss’) will not be int country fer Xmas. Well, thank fuck! While the Evil Queen’s away, the mice will not be doing any sodding students’ reports, I’ll tell you that fer free.

And so to Xmas. A pox on all those who sent me religious representations cunningly wrapped in white sheathes of stiff paper! How dare you send me material that is intrinsically offensive to my religion! I am an atheist, get over it! Stop with the ‘the Winter Festival belongs to God’ bollocks ~ it belonged to the conquering Romans. And that’s my final word.

Well, actually, no, this is:

Soopytwist.

Tags:
Sean Connery ~ John Barrowman ~ Torchwood ~ Doctor Who ~ David Tennant ~ Richard Hammond ~ Casanova ~ BBC ~ Christmas ~ Royal Marines Commando