How now, Brown Cow-Eyed One?

It’s a beautiful day! The sun is shining ~ I feel good, I feel right: NOBODY’S GOING TO STOP ME NOW…. as Freddy Mercury once, most defiantly, stated.

And on a day like today, as Bryan Adams once wrote, the whole world can change. In fact, anything can happen in the next half hour, as the Thunderbirds voice-over man once told me, scaring me wee nipper brain into nightmares of things falling fromt sky onto me head.

Basically, just seen last night’s season-ender fer ‘Doctor bloody Who’ and I’m still trying to get me head round it. Ooh, the SPOILERS I shall insert right here, right now… as Fatboy Slim once wrote…

John Simm / The Master = pure ee-vil psycho baddie who just wanted to rebuild his home. Or rather, nick someone else’s, cuckoo-stylee, and sort it how he wanted it. And “not wanting” to regenerate, being bloody perverse enough to go and die just to try and get one over ont Doctor – or is he? Or IS HE? Ooh, that cheeky little blagger! Loved the expressions on his face as he dealt with so many twists in his plans – the moment he realises what he’s done to the Doctor, and then sees it, is magic. Shaking? Shocking? Pure bloody class, mate. (And have to say, loved the way The Mill SFX people kept the hopelessly wizened old Doctor looking like Ten. It were definitely the eyes and the teeth...)

Martha. Oh, Martha Jones. Oh you star. Being grown-up enough, being tough enough, being sorted enough to make decisions where blokes are concerned. Although, I have to say, was it always about the bloke? Wouldn’t you want to ride around in a TARDIS, meeting people and seeing strange worlds just so you could ride around in a TARDIS and see strange worlds? Does it always have to be about a bloke? Or am I a complete geek, the only bird int known universe who’d do that? Just so I could have a quick shuftie under the Time Meter to see where all the ports and sockets are? I mean, if I had such a marvellous, shiny-shiny-old-old piece of fab kit like that, would I even notice the bloke?

Well clearly I would (to paraphrase David Tennant’s Scottish English teacher fromt Catherine Tate comedy sketch, even), cos my heart (just the one) nearly stopped about five times watching the bloody episode. I was so convinced, so irrefutably hypnotised into thinking this were David Tenninch Tennant’s last episode that not even Derron Brown could have convinced me otherwise. I had one of them ‘nursery hours’. You know when you have to teach wee’uns for an hour, and you put all the sharp implements and anything remotely dangerous on all the big shelves so as they can’t hurt or main anyone by accident? It were like that. ‘Step away from the door, Doctor! Don’t stand near the machine, Doctor! DO NOT DO THE NOBLE THING AND JUMP IN FRONT OF FRANCINE’S GUN TO SAVE THE SODDING MASTER, DOCTOR!’

Phew. Wears me out just thinking back, I tell you. And then Jack. Aww, Jack. We liiiiike. And – ooh, SPOILERS ahoy, he be the Face of Boe! The Face of Boe! All this time, all these millions of years! And he dunt know it yet cos even though the Doctor’s seen him die, it’s not happened in his personal timeline yet. But aww, looking back and knowing that the Doctor was – is – will be with him when he finally dies… Isn’t that the best way? And NOT totally giving all the game(s) away, only telling him about YANA and the Master in them cryptic responses… Gah! Russell T. Davies, and in fact the entire team of writers, all my hats and related headgear are off to you, sirs. Damned fine story arcs, people, damn fine story arcs!


And you’ve all seen ‘Flash Gordon’, right? Ming the Merciless’ – sorry, The Master’s ring, anyone? BWA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAAAAA!!

I’m so relieved. I couldn’t be more relieved if the Four Minute Warning had just been called off. Well, obviously I could, but I’d have a hard time being as convincing as I were about five minutes after the episode had safely ended. But how now, Brown Cow-Eyed One? Martha’s chucked her phone at you – an open invitation that, if she ever feels like it, she’ll just call you and expect you to appear on her doorstep, to take her wherever she wants to go at the drop of a hat. But what will she do when she finds he’s already taken in a new TARDIS tea-lady / boy? If he turns up as summoned and she finds he’s got another Jamie, another Peri, another Romana (who really should have thought of laser screwdrivers, back in the day, and pioneered them)? Only time will tell – if she does ever re-appear. Ooh, thinking about it, can we have another Ace? Or was that Martha in disguise all along…?

And isn’t that a wonderful feeling – knowing that life will go on as close to normal as it gets fert Doctor now. Back to the TARDIS, same old life… And let’s look through the wrong-sized square police box windows, children. Ooh, who’s through the square window? What a lot of exciting humans there are. I wonder which one we’ll meet next… Yes, he’s back by himself, but not cos the Companion’s dead, or snatched, or ditched, or otherwise removed. She chose to go, just like Sarah Jane. And it didn’t hurt, did it Doctor? It didn’t pinch at those hopelessly complicated, oblivious hearts of yours, did it, Doctor? It’s fine. Really. No really, it’s fine. Really.

That’s it. I’m knackered. An entire week of not being able to read any mail, any forums (save the mighty I has a TARDIS one, cos spoilers are marked as such before you can see ‘em) has left me wi close to seventy unanswered messages in my inbox. So much reading and laffing and relaxing to do, then…

So we just wait till Christmas, then. Well, the boxed set coming out November comes first, obviously. Then Christmas.

Oh, almost forgot: Wallpapers of the Week are here, and will still be updated as I catch up with episodes 12 and 13 (sorry).

I should be watching Hong Kong’s 10th anniversary Britain to China hand-over doings on telly, or watching the street parades or some such thing, but I think instead I’ll have a nice long BATH in me new BATH in me new BATHroom and think about the genius that is Jack Harkness. ‘What a brilliant, wonderful, genius little plan!’ as Remington Steele once said…

Peach and lube people. ‘Tis a beautiful day.

Tags:
Doctor Who ~ David Tennant ~ Martha Jones ~ Freema Agyeman ~ BBC ~ John Barrowman ~ Captain Jack ~ John Simm ~ The Master ~ Bryan Adams ~ Freddy Mercury ~ Thunderbirds ~ Remington Steele