Star Trek Discovery 1x13 - a return to Starfleet

Warning! Danger, Will Robinson!
Here be SPOILERS for Star Trek: Discovery series 1 episode 13!

A.K.A. the speech-fight to the death episode.

The first fight we get is poor Michael Burnham trying to reason with the Emperor and being summarily cut off - so she makes a break for it, taking weapons with her.

Then we do a little Star Trek by turning one of real life’s problems into a sci-fi conundrum, for people to ponder on a “hypothetical” level: the spore engine on the ISS Charon is blocking the mycelial network, I guess like a dam, and using its power for the ship. However, this is harming the network and spreading infection that the network cannot heal itself from without enough of a break; as Acting Captain Saru points out, it’s not sustainable. (On a side note, I thought that if you have the highest rank on the ship and therefore have to take control, you are automatically addressed as ‘captain’ anyway. Whatever - he has assumed command and he’s good at it. If only pilot-episode-Saru could see him now.) At some point the network will be overcome and collapse and die. This will cause all of its routes and connections to also die - and the destinations that are attached to it. Basically it’s the end of all life in all universes - the entire multiverse, as Stamets puts it, for all time. Ouch.

Stamets: [Damming the mycelial network provides them with] enough power to run their city-sized ship, and power weapons that can destroy a planet.
Airiam: As they did on Harlac.
Saru: How can a people be so short-sighted?
Stamets: The Terrans are egotistical enough to believe that they can replenish this resource before it collapses.

Yikes. Not sure if he’s alluding to global warming caused by people strip-mining Earth for fossil fuels or just talking crazy.

And then in barges Mirror!Lorca, all gung ho for preserving humans as their own people, their own race. Ironically, isn’t he proposing what the klingons did at the beginning of this season? He asks everyone to renounce Emperor Georgiou and follow him instead, to - and I quote - build “a future where we together will make the Empire glorious again.” He’s despotic, utterly racist and completely in need of a massive attitude re-adjustment. This is my Mirror!Lorca, and he doesn’t disappoint. Although at this point I’m also rooting for Georgiou. I haven’t been this conflicted since Dukat vs Weyoun.

When Emperor ‘Pippa’ gets to face-off with Lorca, we get a cheeky red-Borg-targeting-in-the-dark moment from weapons - love it. And here’s the second fight of the show - guns blazing, people being vaporised left, right and centre. Some famous mirror-faces die here, but not the one I really wanted (Landry - sorry, but no, I don't trust you). Georgiou escapes using an emergency temporal shift - sorry, an emergency transport. Crafty! While they’re doing this, Burnham is hot-wiring the Charon’s comms to contact Saru and spill everything. Stamets works it out, Tilly does the math, and Saru calls Burnham ‘my friend’ and refuses to leave without her. Stamets updates her about the Charon’s super-mycelial reactor (love that name) and they form a plan to take it out - so that the network can heal itself. Cut to a plot point - the opening to the living core of the mycelial network is right in front of the throne. Hmm, have to remember that one.

By the way - love the use of the TOS chirps for the communicators and also the tricorder sounds. Awesome.

Lorca cements his villainy by giving Burnham a speech on how the Federation is a social experiment doomed to failure, that “every species, every choice, every opinion is not equal, no matter how much they want it to be.” He really does do his best to sway her to his side - his entire speech is geared toward telling her how amazing she is and how she’s the only one who can help him bring order to this universe. Hmm - makes you wonder what he did to get rid of the Mirror!Burnham, doesn’t it?

Burnham is having none of it, and after showing off her hacking skills she then shows off her intuition skills by tracking down Emperor Pippa - whose bracelet is supposed to keep her life signs undetectable. I’m sure that will come up later in the series. Burnham gives her the speech this time, basically pledging her loyalty to the idea of neither of them dying and Lorca getting his teeth kicked in. Her line of “Lorca believes destiny brought me to him - he doesn’t need to tell me what my future is. I’m responsible for forging my own path - we all are” is a good one, I have to say. Burnham manages to convince the Emperor by giving her the old Picard chestnut of “the line must be drawn here”, and the Emperor is impressed enough to go with it. I mean hey, why not? I’m sure she was wondering just how she was going to get out of this one before Burnham came in anyway. How can you be sure anyone is still loyal to you on that ship?

Stamets and the engineering crew have bad news; in order to destroy the ISS Charon’s super-mycelial reactor the Discovery and everyone on it will be sacrificed. What do the crew do? First they look worried. Then it’s revealed they’re worried because they can’t be sure their sacrifice will actually destroy the reactor. But hey, this isn’t Star Trek without a Kobayashi Maru, right? Saru gives a bloody good speech and does not accept this no-win scenario. Somewhere in Iowa young Jim Kirk’s ears are burning, I’m sure. But this is fight number three: the fight to survive through science and generally being an awesome crew that works together.

Burnham’s plan to get closer to Lorca works - she does the ‘taking in her colleague as a prisoner’ trope and Lorca’s eyes light up like he’s been injected with ketracel white. He’s trying to be cautious, taking her visible weapon from her, but he’s still just itching to accept Burnham into his dirty dozen of rebels and wannabe Empire centurions. He’s bursting with excitement - look at his face. He certainly is a villain I enjoy not liking. Dukat indeed.

Tilly comes up with a way to circumvent their Kobayashi Maru, and Stamets hits his stride and blinds everyone with science - and even thanks her for her enthusiasm and awesomeness (a stark difference to his attitude toward her at the beginning of the season). Isn’t it time she was granted a field commission now? At least to Ensign? He gives her the honour of explaining their crazy plan to the captain. Ngaw.

When the Discovery does catch up with the Charon a second plan goes into action; while Lorca is gloating about how he built them into a great team of formidable soldiers under his expert leadership, Saru is basically your toneless, unflappable captain doing his: “yeah mate, not interested in you to be honest” in return. When Lorca tells him Burnham’s staying behind in exchange for their lives, his calm retort of “I need to hear that from her - you are not a reliable source” made me clap and appreciate Saru even more than I do already. Burnham lays the trap and gives him the signal and the throne room of the Charon goes into balls-to-the-wall-Michelle-Yeoh-fight mode. Burnham holds her own with presumably Vulcan martial arts (Suus Mahna?) and Lorca is no slouch, but FUCK ME EMPEROR PIPPA GOES FULL-ON WING CHUN AND IT IS GLORIOUS (the character, not necessarily the fighting style). The axe-kick to his face as he’s trying to bear-hug a dagger into her face is amazing - while you’re still getting over that Lorca’s literally stabbing Landry in the back, but is it to protect Burnham or is to fight Burnham himself? Emperor Pippa properly kicking flying daggers from her own face made me almost shout in victory - Michelle Yeoh is beyond impressive. At one point Emperor Pippa and Lorca punch each other and nearly fall - evidence of them being equal in combat, or just for fun?

Burnham getting the drop on him and holding him at phaser point was a good end, when she spelt out for him that everything he had done to finagle his way back to the mirror universe was unnecessary because she would have helped him if he’d just asked - that was awesome.

Yes, Burnham’s end was good, but Emperor Pippa’s ending of him was better. Into the opening in front of the throne he goes - into the super-mycelial reactor to be ripped apart, atom by atom, or just spread throughout the mycelial network in tiny, tiny pieces? Who knows. Emperor Pippa decides she will go down with her ship to help Burnham escape - a defeated Emperor must die on her feet, after all. But Burnham is Starfleet through and through, and what should have been Emperor Pippa’s greatest sacrifice (making her a redeemable character?) is stolen from her as Burnham grabs her before transport, and takes her back to the Discovery.

They destroy the ISS Charon with some very TOS-sounding torpedoes (and the mirror universe rejoices, I should think - how this will affect the species ready to fight for equality is anyone’s guess). Stamets makes the jump and they ride the mycelial wave to get home to their own Alpha Quadrant. If you weren’t shouting “find the clearing in the forest!” as he struggled then you and I were in very different places. Thank you, Culber (I had an eyelash in my eye, ok? An eyelash, people). And what of the green speck of presumably Lorca-spore-ash that landed on Tilly’s shoulder? Was it a “watch the leaf fall to the ground as a sign it’s ended” moment? Part of me hopes so - the other part hopes that our universe Lorca might be found.

And so we’re back. From outer space. But in an Army of Darkness “I slept too looooong!” kinda way, they’re back 9 months later than they left. Not good. The Terran Empire may have been dismantled in the other universe (or will Landry survive to take the throne?), and Emperor Pippa may have been royally pissed off by her ‘rescue’, but Saru has bigger problems; a mixture of TOS and TNG error noises tell them that while they were out, the klingons won the war and Starfleet is unable to answer comms - perhaps because they no longer exist.

Where that leaves us is anyone’s guess - can you use spores to jump back 9 months and help the war effort? Would you even use the spore drive again, knowing what it does to humans if they use it too much? Do they locate what’s left of Starfleet and begin retaliatory efforts?

I for one cannot wait to find out.

Peach and lube, people, peach and frelling lube!

Going to the Pictures (IX) - Attraction

Seeing as googull has changed its dynamics, web crawlers and introduced Fred, I’ll be doing my film reviews separately from now on. I know you’re overjoyed, so let’s get on with last week’s movie.

Attraction (23rd January 2018)

This Russian film was certainly a welcome change of pace; the characters kept you guessing, the plot was a worthy one, and although sometimes something must have been lost in translation, it had its own sense of humour too. The lead, a nearly-twenty year old woman with a so-so boyfriend and a dad in the military, is interesting to watch and a refreshing change from the usual female leads. The boyfriend has a really good character arc, even if it does slip into trope territory from time to time, and the side characters (including the high school teacher and his apparently oblivious students) are also well written.

I loved the design of the spaceship that crash lands in the middle of a housing estate in Moscow - and what a place to land. For the first time aliens aren’t landing on New York, or Hong Kong, or London. Nice! A good, new idea of what spaceships are needed for and how you power them, this could have been an origin story for opening up into a whole galaxy of new stuff.

The aliens’ suits (and blimey was there more very well done CGI than you could shake a stick at in the last 30 minutes), were genius and I loved finding out what was inside them - all of them. Great performances, good take on ‘Attack the Block’ meets ‘The Day the Earth Stood Still’ meets ‘Independence Day’, and I like how it all turned out. In fact, the only thing that would improve it is a sequel.


Verdict: 8/10; brave the subtitles and go see it.

There - one film review a post, from now on. You can blame Fred.

Soopytwist.

Star Trek Discovery 1x12 - The Power of Distraction

Warning! Danger, Will Robinson!
Here be SPOILERS for Star Trek: Discovery series 1 episode 12!

I cannot go into a new Disco episode without commenting on where we are right now and how we got here, so here we are with another rambling confessional. This will be fuelled by my ongoing and irrepressible joy at having some form of Star Trek - NEW Star Trek, not a repeat - on telly again.

First of all, I’m so happy my theory about Lieutenant Ash Tyler has been proved right. I always suspected he was a spy, but the moment he confronted L’Rell and asked ‘what did you do to me?’ I suddenly thought HE’S A KLINGON AND HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW. I have to say, learning the whole truth of how L’Rell and Voq engineered this was great, but I get the feeling it was L’Rell who thought it up and promised she’d see it through. After all, she wasn’t the one who had to go through with it, Voq was. Smart woman, that L’Rell. I don’t care about the science, and I don’t care for people who said it was a stupid tactic; didn’t Arne Darvin do the same thing (pass himself off as a human, I mean - not the surgery) in the iconic ‘The Trouble With Tribbles’? Yes, he did, so stop whinging. I’m only sorry that Lorca’s single tribble in his proto-ready room (and how does he only have one again? That sounds like a saga right there) never got to meet Ash Tyler. The thing is, even if it did, have they even had the great klingon tribble hunt yet? Would the tribble have gone off on one in Tyler’s presence at all? Ah well. We may never know.

This brings us to my second bit of private glory and Farscape-shaped-gladness - the revelation about Gabriel Lorca. I am so happy it went the way I thought - I feel it explains a lot and this way, we can now appreciate him as a character worthy of the likes of Kira Nerys. After all, his need to kill the Emperor (nice appropriation of the male title, there) has outweighed everything else in his life - it must have done. He’s sacrificed everything, even hopped over to another universe, to see this through. He’s passed himself off as another human - successfully - and managed to commandeer a huge starship and bring it with him - as well as assemble people and goad them into the right places to accomplish his personal mission. The question is, is he doing this to free that universe from the tyranny of the Emperor and the terran alliance, or is he just doing this to replace her and take the Empire for himself? From his actions so far, I’m going to say he’s there for his own advancement.

Who knows for sure? But hey, I’m on board and I couldn’t love it any more than I do right now.

Stamets and Culber. I nearly choked on my pizza when poor Culber was summarily dispatched by Tyler a few episodes ago, and it hurt so much to see Stamets holding onto him in a way that made the ship think he had done it. I know his personality is just so, but to see him calmly accept Culber is dead was hard to watch too - especially as when he saw the mycellial network version of his own Culber he wanted it them to be ‘just like it was’. Now I think I know what the mirror Stamets was about, all those episodes ago when Culber was ‘angry’ with him for jumping into the spore drive and saving the ship. Somehow, that moment of Stamet’s reflection in the mirror - the one that stayed even after our universe Stamets was gone - was mycellial network Stamets enjoying it ‘just like it was’ during episode 12, with real Culber walking away like that. I think that’s how Stamets came to terms with it - Culber walking away from his mirror moment of happiness could have meant that Culber was leaving for good. I know it’s possible he could always find him in the other universe (if he’s even alive there), as Lorca and Burnham have both noted that people who share some kind of important bond in one universe seem to gravitate toward each other in other universes. I was half expecting Culber to rock up as the Emperor, to be honest. However, I’m totally happy with it being who they’ve got.

That’s what distracted me - I was so focused on hoping Tyler and Lorca were who I thought they were, I didn’t see the Emperor coming, and I certainly didn’t see Culber’s fate coming. Well played, Disco writers, well played.

One thing; why did Burnham go off-book so quickly when she was confronted with the Emperor? Was she blinded by her relationship with her ex-Captain? She does say that logically she knows it’s not her Georgiou up there, but then she spills everything to her, as if she is her own universe’s Georgiou. She attempts to make a deal, to get her ship and her shipmates back to her own universe - why would she think for one moment that this Emperor would honour any agreement she made? She’s just witnessed her kill most of the top lords of the system, save one (and isn’t he just going to be trouble later on). Unless Burnham is planning on double-crossing the Emperor and getting away with her crew - which would make me appreciate Burnham more - then she’d better be planning how to get out of it when the Emperor double-crosses her.

Where does that leave us? Burnham is hopefully getting ready to jump everyone on the Discovery back to their universe, Lorca is about to try to kill the Emperor for motives we’re not sure of yet, and we can hope that Tyler is dead (I preferred him as a klingon to be honest).

For the record, I like Captain Tilly - she’s fun and also just enough afraid that she’ll do what it takes. I’ve always liked the character, which has confused some of my friends. They say I don’t like the ‘plucky comic relief’ characters, or the token stereotype characters, or the useless background people. Maybe I like Tilly because I don’t see her as one of the above - she may have been meant for that, or she may have been perceived as that by others, but all I’ve seen is an awkward science nerd who loves her job and even supports the line manager that was nearly impossible to get along with. She’s the ideal of Star Trek in so many ways; she trying to explore, she’s trying to study what she finds, she’s trying to make bridges and learn about her fellow explorers. The fact that Mary Wiseman was not forced to lose a shedload of weight for the role only makes Tilly more relatable. It’s about time people who aren’t older Starfleet Admirals are allowed to be their own weight.

I think that’s about it - I can’t wait to get home Monday night (UK time) to find there’s another episode of Disco waiting for me.

Peach and lube, people. Peach and frelling lube.

Episode adjacent Wayward Sisters

Warning! Danger, Will Robinson!
Here be SPOILERS for Supernatural series 13 episode 10!

We finally got our back door launcher for the Supernatural spin-off Wayward Sisters. Was it all that we hoped? Hmm.

First off, the recap music was I believe the first time we’ve had a female singer open a show; I Am The Fire by Halestorm. Claire walks in and despatches monsters with relative ease and saves a young girl, returning her to her mother. She does all this alone, and for a second I was thinking, can anyone be that good? And then it hit me; if Sam or Dean had done this alone, I wouldn’t even have blinked. Part of that is on me, I know - I fell into the same trap as many other people in going the way society wants you to go, in believing that no woman could pull off what Sam and Dean pull off every week. As soon as I realised that, I was ok with Claire killing anything with skill and a little style. First hurdle for me down; I was on board with the characters hunting and saving and killing and cracking jokes like our series regulars.

The dynamic of the women working together was a good one for once; they weren’t trying to out-do each other, or in fact do anything other than look out for each other. This is becoming more of a thing in media these days, but it’s still new to see and I can’t say it’s a bad thing. The episode itself was a solid idea well-executed; without shunting them into the background completely this gave Sam and Dean an opportunity to be rescued and work it all out later. The only thing I was disappointed in was the fact that this Bad Place was underused. But seeing as they now have seemingly unlimited parallel universes (sorry, 11x04 Scully) to play with, this may not be the last time we see the Bad Place. There also appears to be a process in the Bad Place for a whole host of beings performing the role of guardians or servants for anything bigger than them, hence Sam and Dean being served up to a gigantic thing by a hooded figure. The first time we saw this hooded figure I was convinced there was a young woman under the cowl - the way she moved made me certain. Once we get to the end and find that we lose our universe version of a character, we find there’s the Bad Place version of them - and they’re now in our universe. This stunt has been pulled by countless shows, sci-fi or not, over the last 90 years, but it’s how you do it that matters.

Hopefully this show will be picked up - it had the second highest ratings of the show this season, and the fan fallout has been supremely positive. Everyone seems to be either on board with this or willing to give it the benefit of the doubt and give it a go. This bodes well; the last back door pilot for a spin-off we had was just the most horrendous piece of shit I’ve ever been forced to sit through and I was so monumentally relieved when the people who pick up series for CW passed on it. So. Very. Relieved.

Where does this leave us? Waiting and hoping that the CW folks pick this up and make a series out of it. From there we can hope that Claire sorts her ‘tude out so that I don’t huff at her twice an episode, and that we get Jodi and Donna in every scene. I’m also a big fan of Alex, and while Patience seems to be the odd one out at the moment, I look forward to her doing big things.

Who knows when they’ll actually release any info about this, or announce if it’s been picked up, but I’ll be waiting to see. You can never have too much Jodi Mills or Donna Hanscum. This episode was a victory, and hopefully a turning point in CW TV.

And you know, I thought I'd done a competent job of summing up my feelings here, but in fact SweetOnDean continues to blow every other blogger out of the water with her previews and commentary. Her preview of this episode is comprehensive and entertaining - and it's got shedloads of good links to promo material etc. Give it a look.

Peach and lube, everyone. Peach and lube.

Convention Comparisons

I’ve been to a few conventions in my time - good ones, bad ones, mediocre ones. I’ve just got back from a cruise convention (yes, an actual convention on a ship), and the discussion between people now taking stock of, for some, their first go at the convention circuit, has been very interesting to say the least.

First of all, a quick run-down of some I’ve been to and the experiences I’ve had. We’ll start with the worst and work up to my best experiences, I think.

5. Creation Entertainment - Supernatural

Link: HERE
Cost of entrance: $950 for the top-level entrance ticket alone (other levels are available) - not including flights (to LA for this one) and hotels.
Cost of autographs / photos: $80 and up for single photos, anything up to $150 for ‘sandwich’ photos. Autos from $50.
Organisation: They made an effort. But hey, when you pay for front row seats, I expect those seats to curve so everyone can see - and I expect the help to stop queueing question askers in front of you - whilst you’re still seated - and obscuring the guest artists on stage.
What’s On: A good range of short guest panels and talks, a karaoke night hosted by guests, maybe a party if you’re into dancing and drinking between school chairs set out in rows.
Cosplaying: Less than 15% of the approx. 5,000 attendees.
Atmosphere: Odd. Half of the place feels like they want to high-five everyone with a cool fandom t-shirt, while the other is there to whoop and cackle and scream at people on stage (with adoration, not anything else).
Overall enjoyment factor: Would have enjoyed it more if our horrendously overpriced tickets had afforded us an actual decent view, and if the parties had been… partier. All in all, I felt like I’d been very smoothly fleeced of at least $600.

4. Rogue Events - Supernatural

Cost of entrance: £110 (approx. $150)
Cost of autographs / photos: £50 and up (approx. $70) for singles
Organisation: Poor. Very poor. As in ‘people desperately tweeting each other to find out if anyone else at the con knew where anything was’ poor. Also, people waiting in queues while playing Twitter and Tumblr games to pass the time and to stop everyone going nuts.
What’s On: A full two days of guests on stage in a large, drafty hall. If you saw them all Saturday, on Sunday you could see them all again - in different duos or at different times. And the good thing was, if you didn’t have photos or autos then you didn’t have to keep getting up and running out of the hall to queue up to 2+ hours to get them. All the guests were entertaining, too.
Cosplaying: Nearly none, except for the ‘disco’ night. If you could find it.
Atmosphere: There’s something about a UK Supernatural convention that makes everyone feel just glad they’re at a con where their phone still works because they’re still in their own country, and they can use power points to charge their phones in the hotel (for the same reason), and they look around and see that 75% of the audience is also from the UK. It’s much more relaxed than a US convention (there’s no Beatlemania screaming and we don’t throw things on stage), but everyone seems to want to have a good time.
Overall enjoyment factor: The ruinously bad organisation distracted us a fair bit; unless people were speaking on stage, we were mostly searching for where we were supposed to be or racing to get food between sets. We have had more fun, and often. At least it was sunny in Blackpool in 2017.
Interesting note: Rogue Events closed down in 2017. Make of that what you will.

3. Star Trek the Cruise

Link: HERE
Cost of entrance: $900 per person, depending on the cabin (which is included). This does not include flights or hotels either side of the cruise itself.
Cost of autographs / photos: Surprisingly affordable - from $40 per auto and $50 per photo.
Organisation: Not too bad. Apart from switching times of when to pick up printed photos, or our main show event, or changing times so that suddenly they happen to clash with photo or auto ops, they may have been pretty dire at organising their way out of a paper bag, but at least they hadn’t charged as much as Creation Entertainment. However, there’s the small matter of the photo I took with Nana Visitor that I never got to collect. Thanks, ECP Ltd.
What’s On: Quite a full programme for the days you’re at sea. Obviously there’s less on when the ship hits the shore leave destinations, but what do you want? Main dining was good and the unlimited beverage package is well worth it at $500 - all drinks (except bottled water) and all tips are included. You know exactly where you stand with your bar bill at all times! They put on special Star Trek cocktails and changed menu names, etc. to make it feel themed. A bit more effort could have gone into this but it was at least better than 2017. Parties every night that went on till 2 or 3am, pool parties, 70’s discos, karaoke - lots to do for night owls.
Cosplaying: A lot. At any one time it felt like nearly 50% of the 1,900 guests on the Norwegian Jade were in uniform, or costume, or something along those lines.
Atmosphere: Mostly very good. No in-fighting amongst fans of different eras (at least not in public), not a lot of overheard grumbling. Some is inevitable, but it felt like most people where there to have a good time.
Overall enjoyment factor: Hmm… Pretty good. Apart from the cruise line getting our packages wrong, and our wi-fi allowances, and us not getting our picture with George Takei (because they didn’t tell us we had one, which we found out the next day from other passengers), and them switching things so we couldn’t see panels we wanted, it was still a cruise from Miami to the Honduras to Belize to Mexico. Not bad. And all the entertainment plus the cabin for 6 nights was the same price a gold ticket to Creation. Just sayin’.

2. Destination Star Trek

Link: HERE
Cost of entrance: €300 (approx. $370)
Cost of autographs / photos: €25 and up (approx. $31 and up)
Organisation: Pretty good. Three stages, well-documents timetables on their website a few days in advance of the event, helpers in English and the native language of the European city they’re in at the time, lines taped on the floor, wristbands to help you queue-jump if that’s what you’ve paid for - at times they could have adhered to this better but overall it was a monumental step up from Rogue Events.
What’s On: Two to three full days of panels, programmes and some quiet evening parties.
Cosplaying: Hmm. I’d say about 50%. It’s not exactly spot-on replicas or impressive Klingon foreheads, but it’s a start. And the heart is there.
Atmosphere: Again, European conventions seem to have the same dampening effect on jubilance as UK conventions. People want to have fun, it’s just that they’re a little reserved. Still, they came out in droves and the fact that one stage is just for fan panels and was always full tells you a lot.
Overall enjoyment factor: Not bad, I have to say. More fun than a Rogue Events con and a third of the price of a Creation Con, but still not quite all it could be.

1. Dragon*Con

Link: HERE
Cost of entrance: $90 - $100 for 4 days
Cost of autographs / photos: $20 and up
Organisation: They have their own app; it tells you what’s on and where, and how to get there, and alerts you ASAP if something is cancelled, postponed or moved. They’re spread over 6 host hotels (3 of them connected by ‘sky walks’, A.K.A. tunnel walkways between hotels), they have over 2,000 volunteers each con, and last year they bussed, shipped, fed, sold to, amused, entertained and kept safe over 80,000 attendees - not counting over 250 guests.
What’s On: So much your head spins. They cater to every kind of multimedia including films, tv, comic books, computer games, table-top games, D&D, music, and apps. There are always at least 5 things on every hour - 2 of each you’ll want to line up to see. There are 6 massive parties every night, one in each hotel, each with a theme.
Cosplaying: Yes. Oh Stephen Fry - yes. Last year out of the 80,000 people who actually turned up, 72% were in uniform or costume or similar. You know when you see photos of people at Comic Con and they have a perfect costume - and no-one else in the background is doing cosplay? Well when you take a photo at Dragon*Con, most people walking past in the background are also in cosplay. And don’t forget the opening parade - you sign up and they organise you into sections (fandoms) to march you around Atlanta during their peak tourism and showing-off season.
Atmosphere: PARTY HEARTY MARTY. I mean it. Everyone is there to show off their cosplay and congratulate you on yours. If you lose your friend dressed as Leeloo Dallas, do not stand on a chair and shout ‘Leeloo Dallas’ to find them, because that single hall containing over 5,000 people will shout ‘MULTIPASS’ as one and you’ll still be none the wiser as to where she is. People will high-five, others will drink, others will take photos - and then a ThunderCat will run past you, a Stormtrooper will go into the hotel Starbuck’s with a Farscape Peacekeeper, Batman will be buying an ice-cream for a tiny Ewok child, a Starfleet red shirt will back away from a Colonial Marine straight off the USS Sulaco, Sailor Moon and Daredevil will squeeze past you, Mulder and Scully will be caught chatting to Richard Castle and Kate Beckett, klingons will be at the bar toasting each other, Killjoys from the RAC will be trying to take photos with the Scarback Monks, the Doctor (9th or 10th) will be laughing with the Doctor (2nd or 4th), Tony Stark and a male Starbuck will be sharing a drink and Wonder Woman will be holding the door open for Leia Organa.
Overall enjoyment factor: Are you kidding me? This is Utopia. After 4 days you will never want to leave.

And that’s why Dragon*Con is my all-time favourite. They invite every guest they can get their hands on, 2017 was their 25th anniversary year which means they do know what they’re doing, it’s 10th the price of a Creation convention (have I mentioned how expensive they are yet?) and you will never, ever, be short of things to do. I’ve already blogged about it enough, so all I’ll say is I’ve also already mentioned the uniforms I had. And now I swear I’ll stop going on about Dragon*Con.

That’s is. It feels like I’m still jetlagged but I landed last Friday and it’s now Wednesday night, so I can’t be. Anyway, that’s my convention whinging out of my system. I’m sure next time it’ll be something much more exciting.

Soopytwist.

Going to the Pictures (VIII)

Nearly time for me to head off on a well-deserved holiday, but before that, there’s the pictures. As with all my movie reviews, let’s dive straight in:

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (Unlimited screening, 2nd January 2018)

Great cast, charming, wickedly funny and a polarising story - this was a surprise hit for me. I hadn’t even seen the trailer before I booked tickets; with names like Frances McDormand, Sam Rockwell and Woody Harrelson, I didn’t really need to. A very black comedy theme runs through this, an otherwise deadly serious tale about those left behind when family members are lost. Pointing out just how parochial some rural places can still be in America, while at the same time showing how normal, decent people can be better than you ever thought, it’s barely 2 hours of giggles and surprised gasps. The cast was amazing, with no characters wasted.

Verdict: 9/10; watch this at your local when you can.

The Greatest Showman (3rd January 2018)

Hugh Jackman going back to his origins in a show-stopping musical based loosely on the early life of P. T. Barnum (yes, he of Barnum and Bailey fame). No Bailey in this, just song after song of wonderfully choreographed, well costumed, flawlessly acted fluff. Unfortunately that is not what I’m into, so while it was all arranged and executed well, I was a bit bored. Still, others will enjoy this.

Verdict: 6/10; most of it was lost on me, I’m afraid. I’m more of a Moulin Rouge! kind of person.

Molly’s Game (4th January 2018)

Superb; Jessica Chastain excels as Molly Bloom (not the one from the James Joyce novel), an ex athlete with a strict father who decides she can succeed at anything she wants - making piles of money from underground poker games included. Witty, sharp, engaging and not as depressing as the subject matter should dictate, this is a slick, fun yet straight view of iron will and refusal to be held to other’s opinions of you. Idris Elba also shines as the lawyer who never wanted her case.

Verdict: 9/10; go watch this. Run, don’t walk.

Star Wars VIII: The Last Jedi (8th January 2018)

Warning: this review contains SPOILERS.

Well I’m certainly glad I didn’t pay for a ticket to this reboot of Return of the Jedi as an individual film. The fact that I pay one fee a month and see as many films as I want definitely helped in this situation. It wasn’t a bad film at all - it was well crafted, it had some humour (although it didn’t seem as if the audience I saw it with realised it was supposed to be funny), and the effects were of course amazing. But it felt like there were too many characters and too many stories going on - and I was bored after about 90 minutes. When I was thinking perhaps something was about to happen - what were we waiting for again? - another story started and I looked at my watch. It felt like about 6 hours had elapsed when really it was only about 2 and a half. I like long films when they have a point, but this belaboured the emo-ing out over the good / Dark Side thing far too much. Lots of stories were overlaid when they didn’t need to be there. A young brash almost-Jedi, hoping to turn the once-good but now Dark Side Jedi back to the good side with the Emperor looking on, taunting and coming very close to recycling the same lines? Please. I’m not sure whether it was supposed to be a ‘homage’ or whether they really couldn’t think of anything else to do. Luke spending most of the movie on an island in Ireland was not exactly spine-tingling, and to be quite frank I was hoping for more Leia than Finn (why was he in this movie again?).

But anyway. I’m sure a million fans are rewatching it and having fun - and I’m happy for them. However, for me it wasn’t a patch on Rogue One and fell short of even the Episode VII rehash of Episode VI.

I think I’m done with people passing off unoriginal rehashes as derivative stuff with ‘nods to originals’. Can we have something new please? Star Trek Beyond was ten times the film this was.

That’s it for films this time round. I’m getting on a plane in about 12 hours to head off to a Star Trek cruise. Do I ever need it.

Soopytwist.

TV home from home (III)

This post is all about the HK drama I’ve just finished - ‘Inspector Gourmet’ (2016) (為食神探). Or as it should have been called in English - ‘What a Carry On’, ‘Carry On Cooking’, or ‘The Quick and the Deadpan.’

Plot: Chu Sau-Nah (nicknamed ‘Big Sister Nah’) is in charge of a detective agency which still bears her husband’s name - but they’ve been separated for 2 years and the date for signing actual divorce papers is fast approaching. To complicate matters, her estranged husband has set up a rival detective agency with a new name right across the corridor to her. Galling, but what can you do? Her younger brother, Yeung Dak-Hei (nicknamed ‘Bill Gei’ as a piss-take on ‘Bill Gates’) is a chef in a restaurant, but constantly solves tiny mysteries like his idol Inspector Pineapple Bun (a comic people, a comic) and frequently daydreams - and has no filter on his mouth. When he gets framed for snapping his boss with his mistress, he gets fired. To make ends meet he ends up working for his sister Nah and her detective agency. Business is not exactly booming, so after another ex-copper of a detective crashes one of their investigations, Nah forces Bill Gei to get the bloke on their team. This bloke, Mak Sai, is also a self-taught gourmet of any and all food and frequently stops everything to eat. Add to the mix a woman who’s a village mob boss, Ah Kiu (a play on the English word and triad ability to ‘kill’ those in their way), who can out-drive, out-fight and out-surveil anyone. Finally we add a woman who joins the agency as a young up-and-comer, Ga-Ga. Unfortunately for anyone without a sense of humour, Bill Gei suffers love at first sight and the consequent gags, near-misses and dating shenanigans keep the background plots going as the agency takes on all kinds of cases. There are so many subplots and complicated situations it’s impossible to go into them all here, but suffice to say, they’re all gripping and all work toward the final showdown. Food is also a massive theme the whole time - but as it's mostly HK food, what’s not to like?

Tone: this is first and foremost a comedy, a pastiche of detective shows in parts, a feel-good drama, a mystery, and a show about family, no matter how they came to be. As such it’s high on laughs and scenes that border on slapstick, as well as something Stephen Chow termed ‘mou lei tau’ a while ago. This basically translates as ‘came out of nowhere’ or ‘no real meaning’. Decidedly low-brow and depending heavily on puns in Cantonese as a result of cultural or societal standards, they can be hard to crack for foreigners and hard to subtitle. However, this series takes a pretty good stab at it and when they get it right, it’s priceless - and downright hilarious.

So characters, then. First of all, women. Let’s talk about the women. Nah is portrayed as a penny-pinching miser who charges high rent to her younger brother Bill Gei to let him move into the company flat, who doesn’t let anyone claim expenses for stake-outs from the company, and generally seems a right battle-axe. What the others don’t know is that she’s struggling to keep the company afloat and bring in new clients - but she can’t tell anyone because she can’t be seen to fail. Sound familiar? Sister Kiu (‘Kill’), the mob boss, only actually got into it to protect her mother and younger brother from typical street triads, and keep the family out of poverty whilst her dad was out gambling and drinking away all the profits from the family shop. It’s a shock later on to find she’s in her mid-twenties but has accomplished so much. Other gangs fear her, she’s competent at everything she does, and she has the ability to change when she realises her assumptions have been wrong. Most importantly, the gags at her expense are mostly remarks about her being ‘a tomboy’, ‘butch’, and ‘not girl-shaped’. This is because she’s confident and doesn't give a shit what people think about her - and the social commentary here is turned on its head a few times.

Ga-Ga, the new person and target of Bill Gei’s complete and utter worship, begins the series as a young, naiive woman who has a gap in her past and memory, who is easily swayed and can find herself intimidated. As she helps with cases and see Sister Kiu tackle anything with absolute confidence and a lack of shits to give, she gradually begins to assert more of a personality. A massive break comes halfway through and from this she turns into a self-motivated, decisive and capable character. Although a lot of the show is played for laughs, the basis for their actions and situations is set up well and always comes out of reasoning and tempered emotions. They are not air-headed, simple people without back story or reasons for behaving the way they do. It only takes a few hours of prep for writers to set characters up properly but few shows bother; this one gave them complicated motivations that drove them to be who they were and gave them so much to work with.

The men - ah yes, the men. We have an even split of good guys and bad guys here (as we do with the female characters). Mak Sai, commonly referred to as ‘Mexico’ (Mak Sai Goh - ‘goh’ being brother in Cantonese, but Hak-sai-goh being Cantonese for Mexico), has a complicated and tragic past that takes half a series to uncover. It’s nothing half the audience hasn’t realised, but he does come with a few shocking secrets of his own and when the show does finally confirm fan theories, it’s done in a way that makes you wish it weren’t true. Louis Yuen is a very good acting choice for this character - wily but always hungry, smart and efficient, with an ability to plan ahead that would make Hannibal Smith jealous. He’s quick with the banter and bang-on with his come-backs, providing a lot of the ‘mou lei tau’ humour by being so quick and so deadpan.

Casting Kenneth Ma as the equally wily yet easily distracted, flippant Bill Gei was also a good move by TVB. He’s proficient at Puppy Eyes, the Evil Jaw-Jut of Anger, and will literally do any role you throw at him. The fawning figure of Bill Gei in love is ofttimes hilarious and cringe-worthy all at once. Throw in the fact that he’s nearly 6 feet tall and has to keep stooping to fit in the frame with shorter co-stars and you have some built-in gags to tease and infuriate the audience in a good way. He’s often the foil for Mak Sai’s witty lines, turning what should be a one-liner into a volley of wit and clever puns that often made me laugh out loud (a few times I actually had to step it back and watch it again). The secret I think is that these two actors have rehearsed the shit out of this and they put their backs into it - the acting was awesome all-round, but these two did very well with the sharp wit and reactions.

Highlights of this ‘mou lei tau’ include Mak Sai protesting that Nah wants him to take a case for no money - by shouting ‘YOU ARE NOT A HORSE’ in English at her. Leave it barely a split-second, in which everyone concerned (not least of the all the audience) wonder wtf he’s talking about horses for, and then in steps Bill Gei with ‘mh hai a ma?’ (唔係呀嗎?) This is Cantonese for ‘wtf / you’ve got to be joking / no way’ etc., but it rhymes with the Cantonese for, you’ve guessed it, ‘not a horse’. That’s the level of humour we have here. I nearly spit my tea out when the gag dropped and I’m not ashamed to say I’ve used it since at work when I can't swear out loud.

Pair lines like “what are you talking about?” with the come-back “for Cantonese, please press 1”, and the running gag (that Bill Gei starts but then spreads to other characters) of using shocking Chinglish but prefacing it with a supposedly smart, learned comment: “1 word: hou-jyu!” (HKers frequently adopt English words, and anyone who has watched a police drama or film will have heard someone shout ‘hou-jyu!’ at some point. This is the borrowed word ‘hold’ - meant as in ‘stop’ - but with the Cantonese particle on the end, hence ‘hold’ = ‘hou-jyu’.) This phrase gets played more and more for laughs, like “3 words: perfect!” etc. The trick is to deliver it with such a straight face that I swear Kenneth Ma needs a TV award for Best Actor. He did win a 2012 Best Character Award for ‘The Hippocratic Crush’, but that’s hardly enough. He was one of TVB’s favourite character actors for years, but it wasn’t until a few years ago that he started getting main and then leading roles in dramas. This is meta’d during the scene when he’s professing his undying love for Ga-Ga, and she says ‘Wow - you looked so sincere just then. Almost as good as Kenneth Ma’, to which he replies ‘He’s just an extra - I’m one of the leads in this drama, thank you’.

Another highlight for me personally was the occasional patterns of words that would lend themselves very well to being indie band names. We had things like ‘green tea lava waffle’, ‘pak choi fiasco’, ‘scumbag militia’, and ‘sleazy boss with a side of vegetables’.

There were serious issues here, such as women drugged and then possibly molested, murder, adultery - all the usual fun. But all the issues were treated with respect. They may have made fun of the situation, but never at the expense of a victim and never to trivialise the gravity of the issue or the potential damage done. It even reminds the audience at times to cherish their own loved ones, that you shouldn’t copy TV shows simply because they look cool, that movies lie (my personal favourite), and that when the shit hits the fan, ask yourself if you actually saw it happen - i.e. not to fly off the handle until the facts are in. Bundle this up in Carry On style bawdy jokes or stunningly witty wordplay and you have a series that I will probably end up watching again at some point.

Verdict? 9/10 - would definitely recommend. The tone may not be for everyone, and your mileage will certainly vary where the humour is concerned, but for me this was a spot-on laugh riot that really cheered me up after the emotional investment and devastation in the wake of ‘The Hippocratic Crush’.

So peach and lube, everyone. Go watch some fun telly and be good to yourself.