Saturday, 18 March 2006

Batman, Genies, Stars and Biscuits

[Singing:]Well it’s ever so funny, cos I don’t think you’re special, I don’t think you’re cool. Yer just probably alreyt, but under these lights you look beautiful…

Someone asked me who the Gene Genie was t' other day. The cheek! I'll get to im int minute…

First of all something that needs to be written down to be appreciated. A student friend o mine suggested that Daniel Wu (Ng Yin-Jou) should run fer't next Batman. Wait! The bloke has a good point: he says that all the previous Batman actors have had dodgy mouths. And looking back, I agree wi him! Michael Keaton: duck-billed. Val Kilmer: teeth. Christian Bale: superglue accident (no, I'm not even going to dignify George Clooney, but I do have to point out that he has strange front teeth too). So: Daniel Wu ~ turtle-beak. He's also fit and not bad to look at. And he'd do well slapping bad men about, as he's a bit nimble too. Problem solved then. If the lovely Christian Bale dunt want to come back, we can always call Daniel Wu.

Now then, the Gene Genie. We all know he's a character from BBC1's Life on Mars, and we've all spent time trying to remember his fantastic lines. Erm… like:

"There'll never be a woman prime minister so long as I've got hole in me arse."
"It's whiter than a Ginger bird's arse!"
"It's 1973, almost dinnertime. I'm having 'oops!"
"Anything happens to this motor, I'll come round to yer houses and stamp on all yer toys!"
"I'm not catholic myself but doesn't it say thou shalt not suck off rent boys?"
"If me uncle had tits he'd be me auntie."
"This is Salford. You're more likely to find an Ostrich with a plum it's arse."
"Short, skinny bird in a big coat, lots o gob."
"Bloody hell, I've seen road accidents look more cheerful than you."
"If I want a bollocking for drinking too much I'll phone the wife."

And of course the two-parters, that rely much on your appreciation of a witty black-slap:

Sam: I think I've got something.
Gene: Number for the special clinic's on the wall.

Sam: I'm the negotiator.
Gene: I'll make you a hat!

Sam: I've got his address.
Gene: Great, I'll send him a Christmas card!

Sam: She's tall, fair, quite widely spoken.
Gene: Tall, big tits, and a big gob.

Thanks must go to Snugradio for his growing page of Huntisms! You have to hear the Gene Genie actually delivering these lines to appreciate why so many people watched the series… We have to wait till apparently October for the BBC DVDs to go on sale (unless they move them up), and apparently next year for season two to hit UK TV screens (although why they didn't just send im home and be done wi it I don't understand).

Talking of Manchester (where the series were filmed), look at this HERE! The Roxy Cinema, Hollinwood, is being closed. The owner has retired. A bit sad really ~ I think I dimly remember watching "Lady and the Tramp" there when I were about 4 years old. And as if that weren't bad enough, I was advised through a friend that Morrissey was born int same hospital at me! Bloody hellfire, that's not fair! Although I guess we are kinda alike in our manic depressive ways.

A couple o things to cheer me up then ~ Man Utd will not be getting telecoms giant LG to sponsor their shirts after Vodafone do a runner later this season. Fucking excellent! Now that's a biscuit for dippin'!
On top of that, Glazer is proper pissing off the Old Faithful! Tight fucker. I'd give im a year, if he weren’t going to just keep finding credit whenever he needed it.
And one more thing ~ found the ringtones I wanted! Yay! I've now got Aaron Kwok's "I Buy" mp3 blaring at me when someone calls. And where did I find it? Under me very nose at Yeah Now that's a biscuit for dippin'!

Peach and lube, then.

~ ~ ~

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