Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

“Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise… surprise and fear… fear and surprise…. Our two weapons are fear and surprise… and ruthless efficiency…. Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency… and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope…. Our four… no… Amongst our weapons…. Amongst our weaponry… are such elements as fear, surprise…. I’ll come in again...”

No, yer alright, no relation, were just asked fer Bert and Ernie, so there we are. Aw, cottons, eh?

So I’ll say ‘have a smooth Chung Yeung Festival’ (it’s the 9th day of the 9th lunar month today) and Happy Hallowe’en fer tomorrow. Oddly enough, on this day 68 years ago, was the radio broadcast of ‘War Of The Worlds’ that scared a nation shitless. Some things never change.

Anyway, got this from lady_trevelyan and had a bash. So here we are, the ‘100 Question Meme’:


1.ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
A Golden Retriever at work went psycho and tried to kill me. He were put down, I were pried off kennel wall, and now I have a near-invisible puncture mark in my palm, courtesy of the RSPCA.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Paint. 4 film posters (damn you, Remington Steele!).

3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE?
Looks exactly like a Samsung D508.

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
Loud and home-orientated, mostly. Milburn, Oasis, Arctic Monkeys, the Fratellis, some Gorillaz, Liam Frost, Little Man Tate…

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
Wasn’t paying sufficient attention at the time.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
A work visa.

7. WHO DO YOU MISS?
Everyone. I’m actually very good at not banging into people.

8.WHAT'S YOUR MIDDLE NAME?
Elizabeth.

9. THE BEST TV SHOW EVER CREATED:
That would take more time to work out than we have.

10. THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO?
Friend as came round last night to perv at Sharpe ~ erm I mean watch a DVD. Ahem.

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
No.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
My wee sister (inadvertently).

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
Hugo Boss for birds.

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOUR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Jet black or bright blonde hair for best effect. Blue or green eyes. That’s if I’m lucky enough to choose.

15. WOULD YOU RATHER BE SMART OR FUNNY?
Yes.

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
Coke: nothing like a bit of Phenylalanine to wake you up!

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE PIZZA TOPPING?
My mouth.

18. IF YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
You mean “could”? Er… Booby buns. Definitely.

19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
A student.

20. DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE?
Cantonese. Could probably fake it in Mandarin if I really had to.

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU?
Have to go with lady_trevelyn’s answer here: My life.

22. DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE?
Many, ta.

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
Have a laff!

24. FAVOURITE CLOTHING BRAND?
None.

25. WHAT'S YOUR DREAM CAR?
Aston Martin DB5.

26. WHAT COLOUR IS IT?
Silver.

27. WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE KIND OF EXERCISE?
Sleeping.

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
Don’t know. Never been in love.

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
Say “you mean so much to me”.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
42

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
Sometimes.

32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?
‘7’. Everyone I know has ‘7’ in their phone number. It’s bizarre.

33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
American spelling. No wait, bad grammar. Or both.

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE U.S.?
For my entire life save 2 weeks’ holiday in Glendale, California.

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
Arms. Can never say no to a bloke wi’ nice arms…

36. Tater tots or fries?
What are they?

37. FIRST JOB?
Actually no, I’ve had many.

38. EVER PRANK CALLED SOMEONE?
No.

39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS?
(You mean “filled this in”?) Reading lady_trevelyn’s answers.

40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I would let the plastic be whatever it wanted.

41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?
Writer’s block. Hoping it’d help.

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
“Oh, you speak Cantonese! You’re so clever!” Yeah, right.

43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
Lock meself in me flat for a three-week bender.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
To be 2 stone lighter, LOL

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
None.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Yes, everyone born before me.

47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
Maybe once. I was young.

48. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVOURITE?
I’m not into favouritism of digits.

49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
Couple o’ weeks ago.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
No.

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT?
Eh? Er… roast duck?

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
Millions. Worst: correcting other people’s grammar as they speak.

53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
Now yer asking… Er… ‘The Big Easy’ soundtrack? ‘Labyrinth’ soundtrack? Tony Leung’s ‘Best Of’?

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
No.

55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
No.

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
Bloody hell yes.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE YOUR ANGER?
Loudly, using all the invectives and curses known to woman.

58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
England.

59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
No.

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE TOY AS A CHILD?
A spinning top. It hummed!

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
There are no numbers in “your cell phone”: they’re all letters.

62. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
Not at all.

63. DO YOU KNOW ANYONE FAMOUS?
I know lots o’ famous people. They just don’t know me.

64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?
I have no clue: what is it?

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
I don’t, unless he’s swallowed me car keys.

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Sooz, K.K., Monkey, Dude.

67. HOW MANY PAIRS OF SHOES DO YOU HAVE?
Four (slippers, Adidas Dakotas, FM-boots and posh “dancing” shoes).

68. DO YOU UN-TIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
If they have laces.

69. WERE YOU UPSET ABOUT STEVE IRWIN DYING?
Not really. Didn’t know the bloke.

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM FLAVOUR?
Sesame seed.

71. ARE YOU LAZY?
Epitome, mate.

72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE COLOURS?
Blue. ‘Favourite’ means one.

73. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE BAND?
Milburn. No, the Fratellis. No, Milburn. No, Arctic Monkeys. Don’t know.

74. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
None, thank all the major and minor deities. Had them all ripped out in very expensive, prolonged and gibbering-wreck-inducing operations.

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Naw, would take too long to read.

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Liam Frost and the Slowdown Family: Show Me How the Spectres Dance.

77. LAST THING YOU ATE?
Fried egg sandwich wi’ a bit of bacon and HP sauce.

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Our Dave. Of course.

79. WHAT’S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
That they’re of the opposite sex.

80. FAVOURITE THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG:
“Whistle For the Choir” by the Fratellis.

81. FAVOURITE THING TO HATE:
Bond villains. Cos I never do.

82. FAVOURITE DRINK:
Begins with V, ends in KA, and has OD in the middle.

83. FAVOURITE ZODIAC SIGN:
Can you have a favourite? Er… Mine, Dragon. Cos dragons are cool.

84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SPORT?
Sleeping against the noise of the outside world.

85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOUR?
‘Ash’ brown. According to the blokey at Toni & Guy.

86. EYE COLOUR?
No I am not! And you shouldn't be either! Don’t cull ‘aye’s! Everyone should just get used to other people saying it!

87. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES?
Fer reading and Mac-ing.

88. SIBLINGS?
Yes, ta.

89. FAVOURITE MONTH(s)
September.

90. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?
If it has crab roe.

91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
A man pushing a flyer in me postbox.

92. FAVOURITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
Mid-Autumn Festival.

93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
I’m all mouth and no trousers, me.

94. SUMMER OR WINTER?
What’s one without the other?

95. KISSES OR HUGS?
Yes.

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE-NIGHT STANDS?
Any way I can get ‘em.

97. WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Similarly bored people.

98. WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
People as don’t read ‘em.

99. Where's ..99?
In me ice-cream, if it knows what’s good for it.

100. IS ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU?
If he is, I’m probably never going to meet him. I’m not lucky that way.

Crikey blimey Charlie, that's a post an a half, then. I'm off to drink tea till me hang-over exits stage left. Morning, afternoon and soopytwist. Quietly...

Tags:
Bert and Ernie ~ Monty Python ~ War of the Worlds ~ RSPCA ~ Remington Steele ~ Samsung ~ Sharpe ~ Phenylalanine ~ Cantonese ~ Mandarin ~ Aston Martin ~ plastic surgery ~ alcohol ~ handwriting ~ Adidas ~ ice-cream ~ The Fratellis ~ Milburn ~ Oasis ~ Arctic Monkeys ~ James Bond ~ dragon ~ sushi ~ Chung Yeung Festival ~ LJ