Oasis and a bunch of bitches

Here’s another “students say the damndest things” segment:

Me: What do you find along the coastline?
Student: A bunch of bitches?
[cue about ten minutes of me roaring wi laffter like a girl possessed]
Me: Beaches, mate, beaches…

Me: Right, today: simple past tense. Go?
Student: Went.
Me: Thank you. Have?
Student: Had.
Me: Thank you. Do?
Student: Doed.
Me: Excuse me? Dude?
Student: No, no, no… doed. Like, turned, learned, you know… doed.
Me: Ah. Sorry mate, it’s ‘did’.
Student: If you say so. I like ‘doed’ better.
Me: So do I, actually.

Me: Right, today: negatives. For example: I am, I am not. Now then, who can tell me the negative of ‘I have’?
Student: I haven’t.
Me: Good, thank you. What’s the negative of ‘I do’?
Student: I don’t.
Me: Thank you, well done! What about ‘I go’?
Student: I goesn’t.
Me: That’s a fab word, son, I wish it was correct…

Eeeee, eh? Also called a student a “chabble scrampion” yesterday. I needed coffee, alright? Anyway, saw this about Oasis re-making the video fer The Masterplan to put on their Stop The Clocks boxed set thing, and thought it all very exciting (have always loved them matchstick men and matchstick cats and dogs). Oh, but MSN are fascists. If yer using Mac and want to click the link to see the Lowry-esque video, forget it. It tells you (and I quote): To use this product, you need to install free software ~ This product requires Microsoft© Internet Explorer 6, Microsoft© Media Player 10, and Macromedia Flash 6. To download these free software applications, click the links below and follow the on-screen instructions.

How about you shoving them pieces of pathetic excuses fer software up yer arse? I don’t need em, seeing as how I have a perfectly USEFUL and STABLE browser called Safari, and already have VLC and a host of other media players, oh and Flash 6 already. Why can’t they just share? Oh, I forgot their name, yes… Well, there’s only one thing to say to them, now isn’t there?

Thy mother wears armour, thou whoreson hedge-born bum-bailey!

Got to love Shakespeare...

Just waitin fert Blades v Toffees match to start in about ninety minutes (the FCUM match will most definitely NOT be offered on live text, so have to fill me match-slot somehow). Only, cos I’m outside o Blighty, I can’t entice any webpage or online radio to play the match live for me. So I have to make do wi the “live” text page. Only has a ten minute lag, so I suppose I should just put up and shut up. I could get off me arse and go to the pub, but don’t feel like surfing the crowds o football-shirted wankers hanging round the usual poncy bars an’ brothels ~ sorry, sports bars ~ just to try and get a seat fifty yards fromt screen. I’ll just sit here, playing Definitely Maybe loud enough for me upstairs neighbours to sing along to, making a dent in a bottle of vodka and a fresh packet of cigarettes. Much more ladylike, bwa-ha-ha-haaaaaaa…

And I’ve changed me mind: the best track ont new Aaron Kwok album (“My Nation”) is actually “Love’s Magic” (愛。魔力) ~ translation coming to me page soon. Also got a copy of Liam Frost and the Slowdown Family’s “Show Me How the Spectres Dance”,, so that’ll be in me DVD player / sound system thing (“Sean”) fer about a week, an’ all. Bloody marvellous.

Peach and lube!

Tags:
teaching ~ Hong Kong ~ Chinglish ~ Oasis ~ The Masterplan ~ Stop The Clocks ~ MSN ~ Safari ~ Mac ~ Sheffield Utd ~ Blades ~ Everton ~ Definitely Maybe ~ Aaron Kwok ~ My Nation ~ Liam Frost ~ Shakespeare