L.A. Without A Map

So since Thursday I’ve just been watching DVDs and drinking. No change there then. But I have managed to pull of a coup of major proportions in getting hold of a Johnny Depp film that even me Deppster-crazed sister dunt have (as yet). Oh yes, we’re talking ‘LA Without A Map’. How amazing am I? Don’t answer that.

After having patted meself ont back a few hundred times, I then settled in to watch it and found that (1) I were disappointed as all hell to find that Johnny Depp were in it fer praps… ooh, ten minutes (and we’re counting moments where he’s just ont poster in background), and (2) thrilled beyond measure to find that David Tenninch Tennant not only had his real voice on, but also peddled out a rather fine array of alternative language that pretty much had us in stitches. But you know when yer raised on ‘Ghostbusters’ as a kid (and yer family regularly fawn over the line ‘if someone asks you if you’re a god, you say YES!’) and then, years later, you watch ‘Grosse Pointe Blank’ and Dan Ackroyd swears like a sailor? And you kinda sit there, illusions shattered, because you’ve finally realised that actors are grown-ups too, and this ain’t a kids’ film? And oh my dog, did ‘Ray’ just say the F word nineteen times in one sentence?

Well that didn’t happen. Cos (1) I don’t believe for one minute that David Tennant is a grown-up, and (2) you can pretty much see him, big Doctor coat on, bleeping out all the naughty words he’d like to say in his head, cos the Doctor has no need of such filthy language. At least, not out loud. Anyway, back to the movie, and apart from sneaking in some fab one-liners, he does do an impressive range of faces, and his delivery of the classic grandmother joke in a Bradford accent so broad you could use it as a source o solar power fer half of England just had us squeeeeeeing fer hours.

Add in Vincent Gallo, who is indeed a rare find as The Bro Man, and a whole host of perfectly cast also-rans, and basically you’ve got a really good, really funny glimpse of long-lost Scot living in Bradford who gives it all up to chase the girl of his dreams back to LA only to find it’s not all shits and giggles and nearly goes off the deep end before getting his life back again, which is so rare these days. I shall forever remember the moment I nearly fell of me chair watching him electrocute himself trying to cook a sausage, and the ensuing mains jokes. And then of course you have his Johnny Depp poster that advises him through life without ever having to utter a word – honestly, we all know that the Deppster doesn’t need words to convey anything he’s thinking, but he does it so well wi a few raised eyebrows and knowing scrunches of the mouth – but only when purr misunderstood Davey’s watching, of course. Inspired.

The choice of music were also inspired, but try as I might I can’t find most of it. Gits. But anyway, if you ever see this for sale anywhere int world, just do yerself a favour and buy it. You’ll be glad you did.

Talking of the Doctor (like you didn’t know this were coming), a funny thing happened ont way to the lunch break, Saturday morning. I’m teaching, minding me own business, and I pull out me folder to write down progress notes fert kids currently creating compositions about families. Now, me folder has shitloads of stickers on it, mostly cos students sneak em on when I’m not looking. I have a plethora of Mickey Mouse, Lightning McQueen, and Doctor Who pictures (ta to my Primary Four students as have family int UK). Off to one corner is of course a picture of the Doctor, a typical look of slight confusion on his face. Anyway, one student leans over (cos I swear to Sean I have never met a nosier bunch of students than Hong Kong ones) and points to said picture.
“Who’s that?” she asks, “He’s hot.”
I just look at her, flicking through all of the responses queuing up in me head and choosing the most appropriate one fert occasion.
“How do you mean?”
“He’s got that big coat on. He must he hot.”
“Ah. Yes. Quite.”
Out of the mouth of babes, eh?

And so to choons. I know I haven’t mentioned music in a long time, but I really really have to bang on about Ben’s Brother and their album ‘Beta Male Fairytales’. I have never used the phrase ‘achingly beautiful’ to describe an album by anyone in my life, but I will now. This album is an absolute joy to take in, especially at the end of a long day – or any day, come to that. I’m totally in love with ‘Time’ and ‘Find Me An Angel’. Oh, and ‘Bad Dream’. And practically all of the tracks ont disc. It’s sublime, touching, amazing. Just downright must-have, so I expect you all to have rushed out and bought it ‘fore next we meet.

That’s about it, really. Oh, except Wallpapers of the Week have been updated again. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go and try to add a bit more to me amazing ‘Doctor bloody Who’ fanfiction masterpiece that’s going to take Tinternet by storm. Well, kinda.

Peach and lube, people.

Tags:
Vincent Gallo ~ David Tennant ~ Johhny Depp ~ Hong Kong ~ teaching ~ students ~ Doctor Who ~ film ~ Ben’s Brother