Odds n sods

Me: How are you then, iPod Nano in sparkling blue?
iPod: Alright, ya cunt. How’s yourself?
Me: And when did you turn Scottish? Just play the fucking choons, will you? Gimme “I’m Blue” by The 5 6 7 8s, and get a fuckin’ chop on.
iPod: Alright, keep yer hair on.
Me: I got me hair done at Toni&Guy, for your information. Just Sunday morning, too. Yeah, that were me hauling me arse outta bed to get to Central and keep me appointment. Be impressed.
iPod: I’m supposed to be impressed when you look like Major Kira holidaying on Bajor? You could like, try to spike it or try to do summat wi it. Yer not supposed to let it lie.

[cue a round of “you would not let it lie!” by both sides]
Me: Anyway, less o your lip, wee electronic marvel, or there’s no more iTunes for you, pal. Oh, and while we’re at it, stop fuckin’ cheatin’ at Solitaire!
iPod: I do not.
Me: Don’t lie! You fuckin’ do and you know it! [breaks into song to the tune of ‘Go West’ by the Pet Shop Boys:] You cheeeeat, and you know you do, you cheeeeat, and you know you do!
iPod: Alright, keep it down. Just stop filling me wi shite from Limewire, alright?
Me: ‘Ey, fuck a long way off. It’s proper boring down here and I’m fillin’ me time finding stuff on Limewire as amuses me. Well, that an YouTube.
iPod: Ah yes, the technological marvel that is YouTube. I’m telling’ yir man, that place is chocked so full o shite it’s a wonder you find owt worth watching.
Me: What, like Casanova clips an “I Bet You They Won’t Play This Song On The Tardis”? Fucking class, man.
iPod: Shite. Yer only watchin that last one cos the lyrics “unless yer a Doctor with a rather large TING” are accompanied by a bit of David Tennant footage.
Me: Might be.
iPod: Oh give over.
Me: ‘Ey, two fingers, mate. Yer just upset cos I only use you fer choons an playing Solitaire to make the journey to work pass quicker.
iPod: You might think that; I couldn’t possibly comment.
Me: Stop with the Ian Richardson impression. Speaking of which, all this name-dropping makes fer really strange Googling.
iPod: What?
Me: Googling. Searching fer shite using Google.
iPod: Like what?
Me: Well… you wouldn’t believe what people put in an find me page.
iPod: What do they put in and find yer page?
Me: They Google all kinds o shite and my site comes up. It’s weird, man. Like “Take That: Beautiful World”, “Sean Bean kit off”, “fill yer boots”, and of course “Hong Kong girl blogspot fuck” ~ as if that has owt to do wi me?
iPod: A blatant mis-hap, methinks.
Me: Laff it up, fuzzball – I’ve got stuff to do. Have to thank Granny W fer her rather fucking fab poster of 101 Movie Quotes and bookmark (today’s pic). And me Japanese mate fer her New Year card. And get back to Doctor Who – only just seen ‘School Reunion’ (“and you decided to scream – like a little girl? 9, maybe 10 years old, I’m seeing pigtails / frilly skirt ~”) and would love to get the whole set. Might just have to. Just to perv over, you understand. And I sent DVDs of Infernal Affairs parts 1 and 3 to me mate just this morning. Which means I hope she’s sending me Casanova in return. Just to perv over, you understand.
iPod: Only too well.
Me: Right then, I have to stop talking to inanimate objects and get to bed.
iPod: Don’t you just.
Me: Stop agreeing wi me.
iPod: Would you rather I argued?
Me: Get bent.
iPod: Right you are, then.

Tags:
iPod Nano ~ Scottish ~ The 5 6 7 8s ~ Toni&Guy ~ Hong Kong ~ Major Kira ~ iTunes ~ Pet Shop Boys ~ YouTube ~ Casanova ~ David Tennant ~ Tardis ~ Doctor Who ~ Ian Richardson ~ Google ~ Infernal Affairs