That was a big ol’ gob of spit!

[Apologies for the ‘Super-bloody-natural’ Sam Winchester season two gag reel joke int title, but it just kinda summed up how I were feeling when I were much too over-excited to speak earlier.]

This post is a big hyowj massive fuck-off “ah-haaaaaaaaaaa!” vindicated-Bill Murray-in-‘Scrooged’ in so many ways.

First off, and let’s be honest, it’s the writer VS. Hollywood thing. Obviously I’m wi the writers on this one. I’m vain enough to think that in a few years’ time I might be publishing fiction novels under a pseudonym, so obviously I’m thinking all writers, whatever career path or however they sell their shite, should be looked after, paid for their efforts, given due royalties and basically treated like the saviours of the entertainment world that they are. ‘Nuff said. So it’s no surprise that I laffed me arse off (and completely agreed with) Jack Black and his Tenacious D act at the Writer’s Guild of America rally thing, which you can take a squiz at over here. And if you missed all the hoo-ha and wonder what in fucking hell everyone is so upset about, take a look at this. It’ll set you right. Reason To Squee No. 1: Hollywood brass brought to their knees and Golden Globes ceremony cancelled? Fucking ace! That’s telling them!

Reason To Squee No. 2: A personal victory, long time int making, very very infinitesimal time int bringing about – far be it fer me to expound on personal shite as shouldn’t be included in an obviously so not impersonal blog, but I have to show you my victory dance. It goes at follows:
Wait, wait. Back up. Stand up from yer keyboard / mouse arrangement. Right. Move the monitor so you can see it from where you are now. There we go. Right, now imagine me doing the old circular Running Man routine, coupled by a big “huh!” Johnny Bravo stylee to finish it off. Nice, dontcha thing? Kinda like that Cyberman in the series two ‘Doctor bloody Who’ boxed set DVD outtakes. You know, the one int park. Yeah, like that. Anyway, why am I so made-up? I can’t say. But suffice to say, it’s fucking ace and I’m still dancing round me bedroom right now.

Reason To Squee No. 3: Add to this, the fact that a rather young but ‘Doctor bloody Who’ mad student at work (who may or – ahem – may not have been influenced by me) told me, very amazingly Doctor Ten stylee, that if you put too many magnets on yer fridge right where the side doings are, it fucks up the workings. Yep. Five years old and already concerned with how a great big box fits inside a smaller one (cue lots of ‘see this small block, and now you hold this big one and I’ll show you how it works’ discussions), he lays on me the most influential and helpful piece of info since I stopped int Mac shop determined not to buy one. Yeah, he’s right. Purr wee Frankie (our fridge) has not been a happy bunny for a while now, and we were contemplating getting an engineer in to see if he had to be taken away to the big fridge shit heap in the sky. Yeah, it were that bad. Then wee Student tells me this big secret and we shift all the bastard magnets as have been cluttering purr wee Frankie’s sides.

You know what’s coming next, right? Yeah. Purr wee Frankie the Fridge wi a defrost-cyle problem reverts to Frankie the Super-Fridge, and all’s right wi the defrosting / chilling cycle world. Bloody marvellous, as you might agree. Hundreds of dollars of engineers, call-outs, replacements and several nerve-endings of stress have been avoided. Bless you students, for you are the future.

Reason To Squee No. 4: Then I got tired of arsing around wi Mavis (me mobile phone) and decided to retrofit my Mac Mini (a first-generation 1.25 Ghz PPC G4) wi Bluetooth. No, stop it, hold on – don’t ask why I didn’t just get Bluetooth on it when I bought it – it’s a fucking long story. Anyway, did a little research and apparently a wee D-Link DBT-120 version B2 or later dongle would do the trick. Went to the Wan Chai computer centre (the one by the 24-hour McDonald’s, near the Southorn Playground) and found an equivalent – an Omiz Bluetooth V2.0 + EDR adaptor (dongle). Fucking ace – if yer on Mac, ignore the hyowj fuck-off installation CD and assorted shite as int package. Just plug it into yer Mac’s USB port (or yer USB hub – that’s mine, int shape of a TARDIS ~ how fab is that!), give it a second and then go to ‘Finder’ int top toolbar. Slide down to ‘Services’ then ‘Send file to Bluetooth device’, and yer away. You have to validate the device it finds the first time you use it o course. After that it were ‘hello, new ringtone!’ (The Steve Carlson Band’s ‘Wasted Jamie’, featuring the delicious Jensen Ackles and his particular talent for backing vocals) and ‘hello new wallpaper!’ (one of my most recent Winchester Wallpapers – the one featuring both Dean Winchester and the Impala – double phwoooooaaarr!).

Then Reason To Squee No. 5: Long-lost mate arrives back in Hongkie Toon and calls me out of the blue to treat me to yam cha on Sunday morning, seeing as it’s me birthday an’ all Friday. Not so bothered about the free breakfast / brunch, more excited and totally fucking stoked cos I’ve not seen her in literally eighteen months. We have so much ground to cover, so much gossip to go over, so many in-jokes and stupid stories to catch up on, it’s unreal. It’s going to be another three-hour yam cha, I can see it coming. Just like the good old days! Bring it on!

And not really a reason to squee… Oh alright, yes it is! So then Reason To Squee No. 6: Won a few rounds at’ pub quiz, and overall winners too, so won a coupla bottles of red wine, two rounds of lemon-ish shooters (woo-hoo!) and a bottle of champagne. All o which we necked. Got home, re-watched Friday Night Poject wi David Tenninch Tennant (‘there’s been a murder!’) and then John Barrowman (‘well look who’s famous now, girl!’) while imbibing copious amounts of Purple Nurples. A great night was had all-round I think…

That’s it then. Life’s pretty good right now… Just have to buy a new bed at some point so I can finally stop being an insomniac and also stop finding shite to do so as I don’t have to sleep on the crappy excuse for a bunk that I have right now.

Soopytwist everyone!

Tags:
Bill Murray ~ Sam Winchester ~ Supernatural ~ Dean Winchester ~ Golden Globes ~ WGA ~ writers ~ fridge ~ Doctor Who ~ Mac ~ Bluetooth ~ Steve Carlson Band ~ Jensen Ackles ~ Yam Cha ~ pub quiz ~ David Tennant ~ John Barrowman~ bloopers ~ outtakes

Round up

Not really done much this week, so a quick round-up of all the shite I’ve had to sort out goes like this:

Funniest video int world, in terms of careful editing, sync’d dubbing and excellent, excellent choices of clips with which to demonstrate lyrics, has to be the ‘Supernatural In the Park’ one. That’s as in the fucking ace ‘South Park’, by the way, so expect lots of swearing and generally adult themes. Marvellous! And then of course we’ve been admiring the wide array of Supernatural Drinking Games that are out there. It’s been fun!

Also this week I’ve had to do that thing where you actually pay attention to what someone’s talking about, treat them like they have interesting things to say, you know the drill. Frankie’s been with us since we moved in, so I spose it’s time I actually took notice of what he bangs on about. Frankie’s the fridge, by the way. Sometimes it’s hard to understand everything he does say, ont grounds that he dunt speak English, only Fridge, and bearing in mind the very low ability of household appliances to learn any other language, it’s probably no surprise we don’t actually talk much. But you have to make an effort – I know he’s been feeling neglected lately, mostly by the pools of water ont floor under his feet. So now I’ve been attempting to learn Fridge for a week, I can honestly confirm that I can now distinguish between the sounds and tone of noise for ‘evening!’ and ‘empty my drip-tray, bitch!’ It’s hard, but I’m getting there.

Earlier this week I got my parcel from me big sister, and me new TARDIS 4-way USB hub is now on me Mac as I speak, plugging in my keyboard, my printer and me iPod Nano. It’s ace! Every time you plug in or disconnect a device it makes the (rather loud) vworp vworp noise and the blue lantern on top flashes. I thought the lantern flashed white, but hey, what do I care. It’s very very amusing. Pics are on my LiveJournal post. Woo-hoo!

There are new Wallpapers of the Week up, and I’m doing all I can to find stuff to do so as I don’t have to fight with me ‘Doctor bloody Who’ fan-fic number ten. It’s the last one, it’s the end of my ‘Doctor bloody Who’ writing for at least this year (I remember the same thing happening to my Sharpe stuff last year), but can I get it finished? Can I bloody hell as like. It just keeps growing and growing and growing… Ah well. At least I’ll end on a high, as they say.

And so to Purple Nurples ~ how hard can it be to buy a simple bottle of apple schnapps? Most shopkeepers just look at me like it’s the most random or completely unthinkable thing in the known Universe ~ what? Does no-one else ever drink it? Then how do they make a decent Purple Nurple? It’s just not right, I tell you. After dusting off my shaker, jigger and strainer, and making sure there’s plenty of ice in, I got the rest of the stuff on me list. The only thing I couldn’t seem to find was the apple schnapps. Just not right. CitySuper, Watson’s Wine Cellar in Central, even SOGO don’t have it. In the end I went to ‘great’ in Admiralty’s Pacific Place (downstairs in Seibu) cos they always have real jelly babies (not jelly beans – although why I’d want jelly beans is beyond me) and stuff as I can’t get elsewhere. As it happens, they have a Watson’s Wine Cellar down there that has just about every designer liquer known to man – and a few only known to Romulans.

So then ~ the facts. Bol’s blue curacao: HK$110. Bol’s grenadine syrup: HK$55. Sweet and sour drink mix: HK$33. Teichenné Manzana apple schnapps: HK$118. And of course, good ol’ Stolichnaya vodka (1 litre of): HK$90. Result: close to ten of these after a vodka starter and we’re singing, dancing, and quite frankly laffing at absolutely any old shite that appears on telly. Well worth the struggle – sweet without being nasty, smooth without being smarmy, unpretentious in a ‘I’m just here to do the job’ kinda way: all in all very, very nice shots. Now that’s a biscuit fer dippin’!

Speaking of which, this caught me eye and while I really should not be interested, I am. The new John Cusack movie ‘Martian Child’ looks very, very interesting. For so many reasons. Amanda Peet I can take or leave, but Mr Cusack could make that film very interesting just by giving the kid That Look every time he asks an astoundingly profound question about Life In General. Might go on my watchlist. And then there’s ‘Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street’, containing about a million famous faces, not least of all Johnny Depp who sings in Mockney too. Undecided as to whether to watch this one. Could all be rather shite. Not sure… And then, very very far from finished, we get a teaser trailer for ‘The Dark Knight’, the next in the Batman series. Too early to tell, but at least Alfred’s in the mix. And the last one was so very good.

Right, that’s yer onion, I’m off. It’s too early on a Sunday to do owt but make a fried breakfast and see what happy mail I have this morning.

Peach and lube, everyone.

Tags:
Supernatural ~ South Park ~ fridge ~ TARDIS ~ USB hubs ~ Doctor Who ~ fanfiction ~ Purple Nurples ~ John Cusack ~ Martian Child ~ Johnny Depp ~ Sweeny Todd ~ Batman ~ Dark Knight

‘Lust. Caution’ ~ a review

Had a strange few days. But that’s over now. Then, cos today (Wednesday) is the day after this year’s Mid-Autumn Festival and therefore a public holiday, we watched the new Ang Lee angst-fest, otherwise known as ‘Lust / Caution’, and yay, it was proper.

Buying the tickets was quite weird an’ all – went to the counter, asked the bird fer two tickets fert 4pm showing. She looked at me and asked if I were taking one of the tickets, and was me friend like me. “What, foreign?” I ask innocently, waiting for the very considerate warning about how it’s not in English but will contain subtitles for my convenience. But no, ah, wait a minute – her reply? “No, old people.” So apparently I am old people and can watch the film.

“I iz old, it can be category three film time now pleez?”

So we watched it, and we loved it. Mostly cos the story’s the star, and everyone merely players therein. And of course Tony Leung Chiu-Wai always cuts an impressive swathe through any scenery he’s put into. He can’t help it. He spends about 165 mins (yes, 165 mins) being Mr Suave, Mr Cruel and Mr Oh Noez! (pretty much in that order). Seriously dude, watch the scene in the deserted restaurant, and if yer a girl and yer not drooling, you have plumbing problems. While he’s always been on my ‘aww, cotton socks!’ list cos he’s so wee and lovely, he’s also on my ‘ooh you vicious little bugger!’ list too, and this film ably demonstrates why.

Do not watch this if the odd bit of sexual violence disturbs you. Or in fact watching them pretty much cover half of the Kama Sutra without pausing for breath.

Although, I have to say, he did most of his best work here, and I’m not being funny. You’d have to see it to understand. It’s complicated.

Anyway, Wei Tang, playing the heroine, gave a brilliant performance, as did in fact everyone. There were times Wang Lee-Hom’s chiselled face didn’t quite cut it for me, but even he did much better than some of the cack he’s been involved with over his relatively short career. The scenes were beautifully shot and scripted, the camera work superb, and I have to say the music – not from Yo-Yo Ma or Shigeru Umebayashi or any of the other Wong Ka-Wai faithfuls, but Alexandre Desplat – was very, very good. We like. It gave everything a timeless feel, and yet in moments of extreme emotion, it was strangely silent. Very well done, I thought. All-in-all it’s one ‘war’ film I actually enjoyed.

The questions remain over the use of ‘stunt bums’, as the lead actors did have stand-ins credited. I only share this info cos we were watching some recently-discovered (by us) ‘Doctor bloody Who’ footage. It featured one Mr John Barrowman, pointing out the stand-ins for the Big Damn Heroes who are the Doctor, Martha and of course Captain Jack, do all the dangerous things that the actual insured actors can’t do – like sit in cars when they’re stationary.

Anyway, the point was that wee Tony isn’t so wee, and is altogether very fit when he’s in the altogether. Bearing in mind this was a category III film here in Hong Kong, which means you have to show ID to get in if they think yer under 18 years old. (No, they didn’t ask us. We obviously look 19, the pair of us.)

Apart from that, really have to chuck out my Mid-Autumn Festival Lantern from this year’s efforts, as the music is already turning me into a psychotic drunk. No wait…

Anyway, that’s yer onion. Have to go and relieve some aching muscles in a hot bath, then brave my painfully crappy mattress for the last few nights, before it’s consigned to the IKEA exchange truck.

Soopytwist.

Tags:
Hong Kong ~ Mid-Autumn Festival ~ Wei Tang ~ Asian Cinema ~ Ang Lee ~ Tony Leung ~ Jack Harkness ~ Doctor Who ~ YouTube

You’re a handsome devil, what’s your name?

So yeah, we watched ‘1408’ last week, and it were ace. We luuurve John Cusack long time, baby. So much, in fact, that I’ve gone back to me bookcase and been mightily upset that I’ve lost half me JC back catalogue. You cannot imagine the anguished wailing of absolute despair (unless you’ve seen ‘The Princess Bride’, that is) that echoed round me flat when I realised I’d not only NOT got a copy of ‘The Sure Thing’, but that I couldn’t find me copy of ‘Better Off Dead’, neither. Blood-curdling screams of torture, I tell you. However, I did have a copy of ‘Grosse Pointe Blank’, so that did the trick this evening. I swear to Sean, if John Cusack is not one of the coolest actors int world, there’s summat fundamentally wrong wi’ the universe. Wait: 6 x 9 = 42? Oh.

Anyway, loved ‘1408’. Loved Samuel L. Jackson, loved the ‘fucking evil room’, loved the mind-bending sanity-torture (can you ever really get out?), loved all the tiny weeny things that didn’t scream at you, cos they’re sposed to be subtle, dontchaknow. ‘Cept we’ve all clocked em, so it’s fine. It’s damned fine. It’s a DVD wi’ ‘BUY ME’ stamped ont cover – ‘cept we know half them really fancy SFX ain’t gonnae come out on a DVD. Ah well. Fantastic effort though lads, well done!

And laffed me arse off all through’t ‘Grosse Pointe Blank’ too (yeah, I know this pic's from 'Better Off Dead' - gotta love those drag races!) – gawd, that man is so good at off-beat, weird humour. The blackness, I tell you. He’s ace. In a big way. Although I did also roll around to Joan Cusack’s demands for some bird ont phone to get her shipment of live ammo in, too. She’s ace, an’ all. And did you clock the other Cusack sibling as Amy, the drunk bird at table in the The Hippo Club? Aye thank you…

What were we talking about? Oh, ‘1408’, I remember. Did I say it were ace? Ok then, job done. Onto choons, methinks.

This week I have mostly been listening to Soler’s new ‘X2’ album (don’t laff, they’re actually really good), Air Traffic and of course Ben’s Brother. And I have to say, socialite girl’s-girl / lad’s-girl / girl-about-town that I am, I also attended a ‘senior’ CD launch par-tay for a new CD by one Luke Chow. Whose warm-up act, Joves, had a beautiful voice like Billy Holiday (kinda) an’ blew me away wi’ her incredible acoustic guitar an’ soulful vocals. Ooh, I like that: ‘soulful vocals’, LOL.

Did I just type ‘LOL’ in a blog post? I did. Slap me, somebody.

Has it stopped raining yet? I need to get outside for a cigarette.

Anyway, full week coming up: karaoke, Tony Leung’s new category III-fest, ‘Lust / Caution’ (from the emo-master that is Ang Lee) and then Aaron Kwok’s new eye-candy-fest (hey, I’ve clocked the poster and his arms, thank you very much), ‘C+ Detective’. It’s going to be a full week.

And I’ve even posted me new ‘Doctor bloody Who’ fan-fic ont archive too, so don’t say I never give you owt.

I think that’s it. Can you tell we’ve been ont vodka till it ran out? Still waiting for me optic to arrive, or would that just measure what we already suspected?

Almost forgot, what wi’ being three sheets to’t wind an’ all ~ new ‘Doctor bloody Who’ vids on YouTube as have had me in stitches (before I were pisht, I might add). First off, we have Babel Colour’s amazing light-hearted, line-dancing, foot-tapping, Cyber-snapping, Who-cracking, finger-wagging, Babel-blagging rodeo video that just had me wetting meself fert ‘5, 6, 7, 8!’ bits, and then we have the ‘I Like The Way You Move’ effort – raving Cybermen! How fab is that!

That’s it, I’m off (insert sarcastic ‘smell’ remarks here). I should get kettle on and remember I’m working tomorrow. Unless this T1 ‘tropical cyclone warning of the weeniest fanniest pussiest wussiet has-to-ask-its-mam-‘fore-it-goes-out level’ continues as such and dunt develop into a full-blown T8. Which would be nice, as that means a whole day off fer me. And Wednesday being a public holiday fer Mid-Autumn Festival already ~ woo-hoo!

An’ I even hear they’re shooting the new Batman film here in Hong Kong. Woo-hoo, double woo-hoo, and an extra pint of woo-hoo fert weekend!

Peach and lube, then.

Tags:
Hong Kong ~ Mid-Autumn Festival ~ Aaron Kwok ~ 郭富城 ~ Tony Leung ~ Ang Lee ~ Lust. Caution ~ 1408 ~ John Cusack ~ fanfiction ~ Soler ~ Ben’s Brother ~ Doctor Who ~ YouTube

Filmtastic

I have to confess, I’ve been banging on about the unfairness of certain firms as have not provided Mac versions for paying customers, on the assumption that they couldn’t possibly NOT have access nor inclination to use a PC. It does seem that at least one body also find this unfair – the watchdog thing that checks the good ol’ Beeb is actually spending license money where and when it should also thinks that their iPlayer heap should already be working fer lovely cuddly Mac people. So, yay Mac people and Beeb watchdogs, I suppose.

Should go some way to stop people downloading shite they shouldn’t – or will it? If you’ve been lucky enough to read any of me past posts since I started this attempt at grown-up drivel, you’ll notice I live overseas and have had to resort to ‘alternative measures’ to get certain programmes I love to watch (and, inevitably, more on that later). So it’s no surprise to anyone that people in the UK are also helping themselves to shows from’t overseas companies too. After all, why do we have to wait fer top-rated shows when people blab what happens in em not five minutes after the damned episodes finished (pointing no fingers, and especially not at meself).

Speaking of TV, this George W. Bush piss-take is apparently doing the rounds, and I have to say, I laffed me arse off (ta to big sister for sending me the link).

Meanwhile, back here in Hong Kong, the annual Battle of the Mooncakes is hotting up again. With a bit of luck we will NOT be getting relentless Joey Yung ads, cos I have to say, she really does get on me tits. Not literally, of course. Stop it, all of you. Anyway, I’ll be getting St, Honore ones in again this year, and yeah, it’s cos I’m shallow enough to be swayed by large pictures of Aaron Kwok Fu-Sing selling em. I’m that kind of girl. Also speaking of the lovely Aaron (who does qualify for the ‘People You Would Lick All Over’ category, along wi John Barrowman and Gerard Butler), it seems he not only has another film out soon (‘The Detective’), but oh lookie, what’s that coming over the hill? Is it a concert? Is it a concert? Well maybe it is… and yer all assuming I know of tickets and seating… Well, you might think that, but I couldn’t possibly comment. Suffice to say: excitement itself.

And talking of excitement – Jet Li and Jason Statham going at each other? Sounds good to me. The vehicle, ‘Rogue Assassin’ (or ‘War’ in other parts of the world) opens here tomorrow (yeah, films change on a Thursday round here. Cool!) and rest assured, I will be tagging along to see it at some point. Which is ironic, cos I haven’t been to the cinema since… ooh, ‘The Invasion’, I think. Other than Jet Li, I’m well up for Ang Lee’s latest, ‘Lust / Caution’, simply because it features the impossibly suave wee Tony Leung Chiu-Wai (Chan Wing-Yan from the ‘Infernal Affairs’ trilogy, to the uninitiated). I’m sure it features other top-notch people as well (Joan Chen, anyone?) but they shall pale to insignificance beside the Acting God that is Wee Tony. Also ont cards is the Stephen King thriller-type thing with the inimitable John Cusack (we liiiiiiike!) and some bloke called Samuel L. Jackson – ‘1408’, also starring our own Paul Kasey (without him, you wouldn’t have a single walking/moving alien in ‘Doctor bloody Who’) in what I suspect will be a ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ moment. But at least he’s in there, eh.

So after I’ve got over that glut of potentially mind-bending films, praps I’ll get back to sorting me wallpapers of the week and generally keeping up wi Real Life. I tell you what though, some days it hardly seems worth it.

Anyway, soopytwist, and I shall see you all again quite soon.

Tags:
Hong Kong ~ BBC ~ George W. Bush ~ mooncakes ~ Aaron Kwok ~ 郭富城 ~ Jet Li ~ Jason Statham ~ Rogue Assassin ~ Ang Lee ~ Tony Leung ~ 1408 ~ John Cusack

On retirement. And carrying on.

It is with appreciation and regret that we must say goodbye to a long-serving member of staff this week.
His dedication and staunchness of spirit has always been remarked upon and admired by his friends, colleagues and even the students I have taught. He has never been tardy, appeared wrinkled, or missed a single day at work. His patience and calm nature have always been relied upon and valued so highly by all of us at work, and I can honestly say I’ve never worked with a finer, shinier example of professionalism or motivation. He has been, without doubt, a shining beacon of experience and a perfect example of the proper way for things to be done.
He leaves us to retire, so it is only a brief, selfish regret that he will no longer be with us. I shall miss our shared moments of understanding and quiet reflection, and his ability to motivate me to better standards and more interactive teaching methods.
I have enjoyed working with him these past five years, as I know others have too. He shall be sorely missed, and I wish him all the best now that he has his much-deserved spare time.
I know he will find interesting and valuable ways to use it.
Ladies, gentlemen, and students, please be up-standing as I give you:
My commemorative Aaron Kwok Pepsi Live on Stage 2000/01 Concert Mug.

‘Scuse me while I wipe an eye. There, all done. Right then, onto what I’ve been up to, apart from having to break in a new tea mug at work, this past week. There were the irresistible pull of writing new ‘Doctor bloody Who’ fan-fic, which has been titled ‘Bad Jelly Babies’ and is available HERE. Again, rated K+ (for 9 year olds and above), it’s just a bit of fluff in the style of an episode. TARDIS-tipping, evil jelly babies and tea, involving Ten and Martha. Sorted.

Then there were the discovery of ‘Traffic Warden’, a ten minute film of no dialogue, starring Morwenna Banks, Sophie Hunter, and that tall lanky Scots git from ‘Doctor bloody Who’ (insert large knowing grin here). Apparently ran at the Edinburgh Film Festival in 2004, but not released due to the length. Which, funnily enough, is ten… inches minutes. SORRY! Had to be done, didn’t it? How could I have NOT shoe-horned that old joke in there? You would have thought less of me if I hadn’t, wouldn’t you! Suffice to say, I thought it were ace – loved the fish. It did remind me somewhat of the opening titles of the old Channel 4 programme ‘Teachers’, and I were expecting The Donkey to wander about int background. Bloody great short film, though. Watch it.

Then there was this, spotted at Toys R Us in Tai Koo Shing recently ~ Optimash Prime! Seriously! Don’t ask what I were doing in Toys R Us. Actually, for yer information, I were on a hunt fer new board games fer work, alright? That’s me story and I’m sticking to it…

That’s it, all done and dusted. Life will return to normal, I shall not write more fan-fic and shall remain firmly OUT of the Whooniverse till Saturday. When we get some creepy-dodgy runny-scarey episode (we like!) and then apparently wee Davey is doing his own ‘Doctor bloody Who Confidential’ short straight after it. Looks good!

Peach and lube, people. Lots and lots of lube…

Tags:
Doctor Who ~ David Tennant ~ Martha Jones ~ Freema Agyeman ~ BBC ~ Traffic Warden ~ Transformers ~ Aaron Kwok ~ Teachers ~ Hong Kong

Decisions

Watch some weeny-arsed download that’s up-to-date, or suffer THE WORLD telling you what’s going on an’ how great it is to watch it on a first-run while you wait fert DVDs?

Get me hair cut back to the short-shortness it was and bleach / dye it bright blonde (fert first time in me life), or keep it gay-Luke Skywalker–come–Farah Fawcett-Christmas tree annoying – just because it’s not been this long in fourteen years?

Fuck it. I’m lazy, so it looks like I’ll be waiting fert DVD and leaving it long. No, wait, I’ll not wait fert DVD, cos I have to know what happens that first ‘why is it bigger ont inside?’ gag. No wait, I’ll not leave it long to grow out still, cos it’s getting in me eyes and that means some kind of cut anyway. Might as well just get it all done at the same time. Yeah, I’m that kind of lazy.

And just when you thought there was nowt cool left in all the worlds, yer mate sends you wee salt n’ pepper shakers screaming mastakeseou! An' if yer thought that were cool, how about a good old-fashioned up-a-grayd-oh?


And then it’s alright. Then you know that there is still summat int ‘verse than can make you want to get up int morning. Be it TV shows, or a magazine (April’s ‘SFX’ promises to be a smasher), or simply the fact that you’ve got them Chuck Taylor’s you’ve always wanted since Marty McFly had ‘em, and do actually wear them every day to work. There is still summat. Even if you feel like the grimiest ha’pny in need of a dip in that H2SO4 int science class.

And then you see this film poster, and think to yourself, hmm, maybe I’ll go out this weekend…

After all, who dunt need to perv at watch Sir Sean of Bean, arsey crazed super-villain, wi tiny shiny knives an’ his best evil sneer on..?

A slasher flick wi’ a right scary bastard doin’ the necessary to earn a IIB (UK: 15 / US: R17) certificate..?

All manner of scary fucker-iness that Sir Seenie of the Beanie does so well..?

More to the point, a brainless, smash-em-up, kill-em-all, ram-in-the-Sean Porn jump-fest wi no real motivation other than to get bums on seats and fill a few hours..?

I’m in.

Weird day today. Don’t mind me.

Tags:
Doctor Who ~ Dalek ~ Cybermen ~ Japanese ~ Luke Skywalker ~ SFX ~ Chuck Taylor’s ~ Marty McFly ~ Sean Bean ~ The Hitcher ~ Sean Porn

All things fucked and wonder fuel

Hot showers. I tell you, mate, there’s not a lot o things finer ont freezing, brass-monkey weather morning than a hot shower. Me water heater’s fine, ta very much. Hasn’t given me a lick of trouble in oh… at least a month. Me tap, however, now that’s a different story…

Time was I could get into me wee shower cubicle, turn ont tap, lift the lever thing and get lovely hot water outta the shower head. Now it’s started turning a bit parky over here (like 15 degrees C ~ about ten degrees too cold fert likes o me, I might add) the fucker’s started playing Silly Buggers left, right, and all over my centre. Now it’s turn ont tap, feel water is hot, lift lever and start screaming and leaping up and down, crazed-Beatles-fan-stylee, as the fucking thing blasts water that, I shit you not, could pretty much scald the paint off the underside of an oil tanker. From thirty paces.

I know we’ve never really got along, me and that tap. I know we’ve never really been what you might call ‘friends’, in any loose kinda interpretation of’t word. But come on, mate, do you really have to try and give me an interesting new skin-peel just cos I don’t want all me bits frozen off? I ask you, is a reasonably hot shower too much to ask?

In other news, this new Blogger thing is also inventing new variations of Silly Buggers, the obviously now international game of fun and arsing about. I happened upon a reason to check my Casino Royale review – and what do I find upon clicking the link as posted ~ by Blogger ~ int right-hand pane of me own fucking page?

Sorry, come back later, we’ve bollocksed it up. Report this and praps we’ll do summat about it. One day.

Riiiiiiiiiight. Turns out, other links aren’t working either. Hmm. Someone took it outta Beta too soon, methinks. Or it’s just fucked. Which, judging by the way the rest of me week has gone, is far more likely.

So I’ve been very glad that I’ve (1) got series one of A Bit of Fry and Laurie on DVD to watch, and (2) a fridge full of beer. And Jack Daniels. Fantastic. No wait ~ that just dunt fit the teeth. Talking of which, I have a number 3: waiting wi bated breath (ooh, am I ever batey) fer me Casanova DVD and season 2 Doctor Who / the Tennster does Jarvis. Can’t wait. Cos it’s gonna be… too cool fer school!

Also, a big ta to everyone as let me know that Starbuck / Face / Dirk Benedict came third in Celebrity Big Brother ~ I can now sleep at night. Actually, I think it were Drunk Punk, from his new home over there at WordPress. Looks a lot more exciting than Blogger. Hmm….

I think that’ll do it. Apart from a plea directed at Granny W: come up and see me, make me smile. I’ll do what you want, running wild. If you like. It’s been one o them weeks.

That’s it, that’s yer lot.

Soopytwist.

Tags:
Hong Kong ~ water ~ Beatles ~ Blogger ~ Casino Royale ~ WordPress ~ Hugh Laurie ~ Stephen Fry ~ Xena ~ David Tenninch ~ Doctor Who ~ Casanova ~ Jarvis Cocker

Odds n sods

Me: How are you then, iPod Nano in sparkling blue?
iPod: Alright, ya cunt. How’s yourself?
Me: And when did you turn Scottish? Just play the fucking choons, will you? Gimme “I’m Blue” by The 5 6 7 8s, and get a fuckin’ chop on.
iPod: Alright, keep yer hair on.
Me: I got me hair done at Toni&Guy, for your information. Just Sunday morning, too. Yeah, that were me hauling me arse outta bed to get to Central and keep me appointment. Be impressed.
iPod: I’m supposed to be impressed when you look like Major Kira holidaying on Bajor? You could like, try to spike it or try to do summat wi it. Yer not supposed to let it lie.

[cue a round of “you would not let it lie!” by both sides]
Me: Anyway, less o your lip, wee electronic marvel, or there’s no more iTunes for you, pal. Oh, and while we’re at it, stop fuckin’ cheatin’ at Solitaire!
iPod: I do not.
Me: Don’t lie! You fuckin’ do and you know it! [breaks into song to the tune of ‘Go West’ by the Pet Shop Boys:] You cheeeeat, and you know you do, you cheeeeat, and you know you do!
iPod: Alright, keep it down. Just stop filling me wi shite from Limewire, alright?
Me: ‘Ey, fuck a long way off. It’s proper boring down here and I’m fillin’ me time finding stuff on Limewire as amuses me. Well, that an YouTube.
iPod: Ah yes, the technological marvel that is YouTube. I’m telling’ yir man, that place is chocked so full o shite it’s a wonder you find owt worth watching.
Me: What, like Casanova clips an “I Bet You They Won’t Play This Song On The Tardis”? Fucking class, man.
iPod: Shite. Yer only watchin that last one cos the lyrics “unless yer a Doctor with a rather large TING” are accompanied by a bit of David Tennant footage.
Me: Might be.
iPod: Oh give over.
Me: ‘Ey, two fingers, mate. Yer just upset cos I only use you fer choons an playing Solitaire to make the journey to work pass quicker.
iPod: You might think that; I couldn’t possibly comment.
Me: Stop with the Ian Richardson impression. Speaking of which, all this name-dropping makes fer really strange Googling.
iPod: What?
Me: Googling. Searching fer shite using Google.
iPod: Like what?
Me: Well… you wouldn’t believe what people put in an find me page.
iPod: What do they put in and find yer page?
Me: They Google all kinds o shite and my site comes up. It’s weird, man. Like “Take That: Beautiful World”, “Sean Bean kit off”, “fill yer boots”, and of course “Hong Kong girl blogspot fuck” ~ as if that has owt to do wi me?
iPod: A blatant mis-hap, methinks.
Me: Laff it up, fuzzball – I’ve got stuff to do. Have to thank Granny W fer her rather fucking fab poster of 101 Movie Quotes and bookmark (today’s pic). And me Japanese mate fer her New Year card. And get back to Doctor Who – only just seen ‘School Reunion’ (“and you decided to scream – like a little girl? 9, maybe 10 years old, I’m seeing pigtails / frilly skirt ~”) and would love to get the whole set. Might just have to. Just to perv over, you understand. And I sent DVDs of Infernal Affairs parts 1 and 3 to me mate just this morning. Which means I hope she’s sending me Casanova in return. Just to perv over, you understand.
iPod: Only too well.
Me: Right then, I have to stop talking to inanimate objects and get to bed.
iPod: Don’t you just.
Me: Stop agreeing wi me.
iPod: Would you rather I argued?
Me: Get bent.
iPod: Right you are, then.

Tags:
iPod Nano ~ Scottish ~ The 5 6 7 8s ~ Toni&Guy ~ Hong Kong ~ Major Kira ~ iTunes ~ Pet Shop Boys ~ YouTube ~ Casanova ~ David Tennant ~ Tardis ~ Doctor Who ~ Ian Richardson ~ Google ~ Infernal Affairs

You mardy bum!

Yeah, I'm bein' a right mardy-arse today. Feel like stamping on everyone's feet ont MTR and pushing through all them fuckers that lurch across your path while walking at half everyone else's speed, before simply stoppin fer NO REASON right in front of you. Guess I'm just a mardy bum.

Speakin' o which, would love to explain to this nice girlie over HERE that "mardy" means grumpy / upset / moody / pissed off, but can't find a way to leave her a comment. Hope she finds this link and reads this, eh. If anyone knows a way to link it back, gizza shout, eh.

And, yes, sad but true, have been sucked inta doin' them video things and uploading em to YouTube. This is my pathetic effort:



Sad but oddly amusing.

Saying goodbye to Vic and Bob int going to help me mood either ~ two students I've taught fert last two years now. (Just to clarify: o course their real names are NOT Vic and Bob, they just act like 'em and to be honest, it's more fun.) Thursdays just won't be Thursdays wi'owt those two... No more "spnoons" and "jlelly"s...

On a brighter note, it'll be July soon, an I can buy meself that shiny new DVD recorder I've been promisin' meself fer... ooooh, a week now. And Sean Bean's new film, "The Dark" (about eeee-vil Welsh sheep) opened here in HK yesterday, so we've decided to go Thursday night. Sean Bean all dripping wet, angry n desperate? The burning green eyes, the bedraggled blond hair... It's licensed "Sean Porn", I tell you. I'm taking a towel. And it ent fer me head.

Soopytwist. Oh, and peach and lube.
Lots and lots of lube.

Tags:
mardy ~ YouTube ~ Sharpe ~ Sean Bean ~ The Dark ~ Wales ~ sheep ~ DVD+recorder ~ SeanPorn

Muppets, Banderas, Premiership, Gatchaman – and the Deppster returns…

Ok, I know I haven't been here in ages, had some things to do and weren't really feeling as how I could be arsed to write anything down, but a few things have made me sit and sort out all the shite that's been going round me head fert last week.

Muppets. Most of me students copy things I say, so it's no surprise then that most of em turn on their classmates and say "you muppet" whilst shaking their heads disapprovingly, after their classmates have dropped their pencil or written't wrong date ont paper. Ok, it's a fair cop guv, they got it from me. But then, I AM the muppet to beat all muppets:

You Are Animal

A complete lunatic, you're operating on 100% animal instincts. You thrive on uncontrolled energy, and you're downright scary. But you sure can beat a good drum. "Kill! Kill!"

The Muppet Personality Test

See? Don't fuck wi me, I'm Animal, I am…

Antonio Banderas, he of the luuuuuuurvely Spanish eyes and voice, had made another turkey. Sorry, film. I've seen trailer fer it on cable TV, about six times now cos it keeps going round and round… And no, I will not be going. 'Dangerous Minds' wi ballroom dancing? Not really my style, is that. However… it does have Mr Banderas sliding and hoofing about, and he is a luuuuuuurvely thing to look at (and listen to). Hmm. Might weaken one day (if my boxed set o Sharpe runs out) and succumb to Mr Puss-In-Boots charms. Dunno though.

Gordon Banks ("Greatest Goalkeeper of all Time"?) got himself a plaque in his stomping ground o Sheffield this week. Apparently they're building some walk o fame thing and lotsa Sheffield boys are getting recognition. Jarvis Cocker included ~ who will always be my personal hero fer showing his arse to that cunt Michael Jackson, live ont Brit Awards, being beamed round't world by satellite. Gaun yerself, Jarvis! Fucking marvellous, that'll teach the bastard. Except it didn't. Ah well. But good try, eh?
Sir Sean of Bean is getting one too, and about time, I reckon. But I'm biased.

Just time to plug Mr Pretzel's site, as he has this ABSOLUTELY FUCKING MARVELLOUS short film, demonstrating the evils of drinking. I almost died laffing.

And of course, we're all waitin for Pirates 2, hopefully coming sooner rather than later. Saw the trailer fer it, laffed me arse off at Johnny Depp going: "oh… bugger" in that quaint not-quite-Cockney accent he's made up. Lovely. But I've only seen 't trailer once, seeing as everything here is bloody Da Vinci Code this and Da Vinci Code that at't moment. Fuck the Da Vinci Code! I mean, I might watch it to see if Tom hanks dies horribly, but I can't see that happening. Funny thing though – I noticed wee Paul Bettany in there (Prince "Silly Billy" William of Orange, to Sharpe-watchers), might see if he's any good. He did do a damned good job o looking a twat in Sharpe. Is that good acting? Must be, I'm sure he were the bloke that played Chaucer in "A Knight's Tale", and he were really good in that, too.

So what's left, except to tell you have HAVE to watch this, posted on You Tube. Goddamn, but ent it the coolest bit o anime you've ever seen? And it's Gatchman! 'S nowt better than that, man!




Oh no, didn't post a pic. Alright, hang on, let me trawl… Here now, got one.


"Fookin' officer doan't knoa his arse from his elboa!"

Peach and lube.

Tags:
muppets ~ Antonio Banderas ~ Take the Lead ~ Sheffield ~ Gordon Banks ~ Sean Bean ~ Jarvis Cocker ~ Johnny Depp ~ Pirates of the Caribbean 2 ~ Da Vinci Code ~ Tom Hanks ~ Paul Bettany ~ Sharpe ~ Gatchaman