Bruce Willis

Fuck bubblewrap - there's nowt like the satisfying crack of stepping on a cockroach or two to really brighten your day.

In other news, saw Surrogates just now, and thought it was better than everyone's been saying it is. I liked it. I liked the irony. I liked the twists. I liked the idea. I liked the symmetry. I liked Bruce Willis. I thought he did a fine job, and all those moaning minnies saying he can't cut it any more can fuck a long way off: Bruce still kicks arse. He can't not: he's Bruce Willis. And seeing as how I really miss him now, and this Thursday's a public holiday, I think I'll be revisiting a couple of my favourite Bruce movies. And maybe a few episodes of Moonlighting, too.





Next week's movie: District 9. And the Tuesday night movie after that? Why, Taking Woodstock, of course!

Peach and lube, people.

Tags:
Bruce Willis ~ Surrogates

Conversations of the week (2)

“I’m sorry I keep calling you ‘Dave’ - your real name keeps escaping me. It’s…?”
“Dean.”
“Oh. Really?”
“Yes, really. Why?”
“Oh, nothing. It’s just that… you don’t look like a Dean.”
“What does a Dean look like?”
Silence.
“Mate?” he says. “You alright?”
“Yeah,” I say. “Sorry. Just having A Moment there.”


“Scholes can come to Oldham if he wants. In fact, he can probably do just about owt he wants without any bugger being able to say ‘no’. If I said he’d earned it I’d be massively understating the situation.”


“So us ‘Supernatural’ fans crashed Twitter, did we? That’s cos P Diddy is a twat and he just exacerbated the situation. Should have been arsed to read the fucking context of the tweets before picking a fight with fans of a fucking TV show. Ignorant fucker. Yeah, I was one of the sad fans that helped overload Twitter’s servers on 10th September, and contributed to its piss-poor censoring of the trending topics in a vain attempt to stop us having fun and promoting the show this 17th September - and yeah, next week I’ll fucking well be doing it again.”



“You know, your screwed-up sense of humor [sic.] and bizarre narrative would suit a ‘Farscape’ fan-fic really, really well. Ever thought of writing one?”
“Me? Fuck, no. How could you come close the ‘smoked crack the night before writing down some shite, now let’s paint it Technicolor, film it in MuppetVision and call it an episode’-ness that is the ‘Farscape’ show?”
“So… I’ll give you a week, yeah?”
“Aye.”



Tags:
Twitter ~ fan-fic ~ Supernatural ~ Farscape

Free dumplings

Boys and girls of every age - wouldn’t you like to see something strange?

Come with us and you will see - this our town of Kennedy--

So this is me. If you look like it really matters, you’ll see a girl. Not short, and definitely not thin by any stretch of the imagination. She’s eating a double cheeseburger from McDonald’s, determined not to have a hangover tomorrow for work. And as she’s staring at a Cafe de Coral shop, closed, cleaned and dark, she’s trying to divine the meaning of the Cantonese advert in the window, an evening of vodka and shots gratis from Johnny notwithstanding.

So imagine her surprise when, after finishing her fries, a young Hong Kong woman approaches her and offers her a dumpling.

First reaction: The girl’s off her head. She doesn’t know what she’s doing.

Second reaction: Don’t get your mivonks in a twist, she’s offering food that she obviously bought at the stall round the corner in a 2-for-1 and doesn’t need - but in an HK kind of way, can’t say ‘no’ to.

Third reaction: take it and thank her. You can always bin it if you don’t like it. Later.

End result: thank her and try eating it (after an inspection as close as vodka will allow), find it’s actually very good, and eat all of it.

If I wake up dead tomorrow, it’s all down to altruism.

Which, obviously, you can’t blame me for.

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Anyone else want to go watch 'Men Who Stare At Goats' yet?

Seriously, Ewan McGregor (stud muffin) and George Clooney (savant of Hollywood)? Add Kevin Spacey and I'm there.

Oh, you did.




Legs upon which to stand = 0.

Sorry, what?

Had two dentist's appointments in two weeks. Didn't run around screaming blue murder the first time, as my mate was outside in the waiting room and I could never let myself put on such a deplorable performance in front of others.

Second appointment? Well, let's just say it took three hours for one root canal and the putting in of a post (which will receive a crown next week, as long as I don't bottle it). Mainly because the purr wee dentist (very nice lady. Awfully nice) had to stop and let me 'take a rest' twice because I was shaking so badly it was, quite frankly, dangerous to continue with sharp implements in my mouth.

So anyway, I've done two of four visits now. Feeling fucking proud of myself, considering my odontophobia. Nearly killed off all of my knuckles, my shoulders, my neck, my jaw muscles ("I'm going to put this rest block in your mouth. Don't bite it. Don't bite it!" IF YOU DIDN'T WANT ME TO BITE IT, WHY DID YOU PUT IT IN MY MOUTH?) and I think my right baby finger is still a little numb from have the life squeezed out of it by my bully of a left hand, but it'll get over it.

Promised myself I wouldn't rip through all of ‘Farscape’, and thankfully, have managed to stop myself from finishing season four just yet. There's only one episode to go. Must make sure I keep it fert weekend.

Won two pub quizzes. Not bad.

‘Supernatural’ season five premiers this week. Can't wait, obviously.

Be back later, folks. Too tired now. Time for bed, said Zebedee.

Peach and lube.



Hmmmm..... Definitely peach and lube.