[insert “flashing” innuendo here]

How many of you have, at one time or another, made some attempt to watch a DVD on yer computer? I’m guessing quite a few. How many of you have been told you have to change yer region code on yer drive to be able to run the DVD you’ve got in right now? And how many of you have done this five times already and now live wi a computer that is now locked on one region (usually the one most useless to you)?

I know this is a huge ~ hyowj ~ problem, all over’t world. What makes me mad enough to want to throw things is that in HK we have no region code on locally-made DVDs. I know I’ve stressed this point before, so I won’t flog it now. Basically, I can walk into HMV or any other DVD store in town and buy a DVD from any country, of any region, without breaking any laws or upsetting anyone. (Well, maybe some American film studios, but that’s cos they’re uptight bastards who can’t accept that there’s nothing they can legally do about it, and who can’t seem to share nicely like other five-year-olds with shiny things.)

This has come up cos I’m looking into changing me DVD drive. I’m using me Apple Mac Mini (the first generation one wi the G4 processor, not one of them new Intel ones) and my DVD drive – the hateful, evil, pestilential MATSHITA CD-RW CW-8124. This is one drive that cannot be firmwared or flashed. It’s fixed. And when I say fixed, I mean exactly that.

No! Stop it! Don’t start! Don’t go “but there’s a flash fer every machine”, cos there int one fer this bastard, believe me I’ve looked. Fer those of you not sure what I’m on about, apparently (and I’m knew to all this malarkey meself), you can “flash” a drive to make it lose its marbles and forget helpful things like, ooh, region codes, or you can get a reset key, which simply makes it forget that it’s already used up it requisite number of changes. Or summat like that. To be brutally honest, I couldn’t give a fuck. What I’m more interested in is WHY anyone would limit the number of changes yer allowed int first place.

Excuse me, could some bugger explain why this is? In pretty much every single fucking DVD player / burner, PC and Mac? Why? Who decided I should be stopped – nay, constrained – to playing only one region? The fact that the REGION-FREE DVDs made in Hong Kong (for locally-made films) play anyway, whatever yer drive’s set to – COS THEY’RE REGION-FREE DISCS INT FIRST PLACE, is an amoeba-sized consolation. What about the other 60% of my collection? I bought all of ‘em LEGALLY in HMV, for fuck’s sake. They’re all real, not copies. There’s no ban or restriction on buying or playing ‘em in this country, even though they’re from all over’t shop. So what the fuck’s going on? What gives some pencil-necked fucking biscuit-arsed cunt in some pathetic excuse fer a development team the right to stop ME from playing MY discs? There must be some kind of law against this, surely?

Perhaps there is, but don’t call me Shirley. I’m looking into it. I’m sure other people have done it before. I’m sure someone’s tried and failed to sue some fucker over this. But I’m angry enough to call Apple int morning and ask ‘em why my Mac, bought in HK, made fert Asian market and used in HK, whose warranty is only valid in HK, can’t play back DVDs bought from HK. Answer me that one, Smart Fucker. And while yer at it, tell me which is the best DVD burner to buy as can be cracked so it changes region codes indefinitely. Then put me down fer two of them bastards ~ me mate needs one an all, for his new MacBook.

And no, it dunt stop piracy, it only serves to encourage it. If you look around Tinternet you’ll find as millions of Mac and PC users go round downloading software as rips the data from’t DVD, and then downloading new software to make their own, REGION-FREE DVDs. Why? To sell? To swap wi mates? To upload to Tinternet? Our survey says: NO. So they can be played back on any machine. Ta-da! Blatant case o’ short-sightedness by DVD burner manufacturers resulting in piracy and illegal solutions to legal fuck-ups.

I’m right fucked off now. And upset cos there’s no more Sharpe to be had.

Bugger, balls and bollocks, eh.

Tags:
DVD ~ region code ~ Apple ~ Mac Mini ~ Matshita ~ DVD burner ~ Hong Kong ~ region free ~ piracy ~ Macbook ~ Asia ~ Sharpe

What's gone on then?

[shakes head] Clive, Clive, Clive, Clive, Clive, Clive, Clive… What the hell are you playing at, son? I can’t decide if this is the largest steaming pile of camel poo I’ll ever see, or bad enough to be a great watch (in a Flash Gordon kinda way…

SHOOT ‘EM UP

All I can say is ~ yeah mate, you do suck, and yeah, he’s also really that good. The ONLY thing that would make me watch this is the fact that he went “find something funny?” wi them you just never know if I’m going to slap you or let loose wi some skin-ripping insult, do you? eyes. Ooooh, shivers me timbers, does them.

Talking o’ things that shiver me timbers ~ yeah, Sharpe’s Challenge were really good. I love my friend long time baby, cos she brought me the UK DVD, complete wi Behind The Scenes (Sean: “Er, yeah, I really enjoyed that bit, and… er… I’ve forgotten what the question was…”) and a paltry handful of outtakes (Sean: “Oh! Shit! I thought it were plastic! Sorry mate!”). I don’t know why they saw fit to chop the ‘film’ into two parts, even doing the whole “Previously, on Sharpe!”, when it were like thirty seconds ago ont DVD. Wankers. Why didn’t you just segue ‘em together? No? Alright, how about makin a wee button on the DVD menu that lets you choose Part One or Part Two? No? Too difficult fer BBC America to sort out? Hmm. I’ll reserve judgement there.

Anyway, it had some great one-liners, Simmerson is back (yay! Proper evil bastard!) and Toby Stephens does a good “you English bahstard” routine. Nice. Yeah, alright, so they mangled the novels a wee bit, but hey, they’re often the first casualty in TV. But it DID have Sean Porn…

Tags:
Clive Owen ~ Shoot Em Up ~ Sean Bean ~ Sharpe ~ Sean Porn

‘The Departed’ still = ‘Infernal Affairs’

A phone conversation from yesterday:

“Sooz, have you seen the MTR posters, there’s that great new film coming. You want to see it?”
“What is it?”
“I can’t remember, that new one. You know, it’s got thingy in it.”
“Thingy? What, Tony Leung? Ah no, you mean ‘Exiled’, the one with Cheung Ga-Fai in it?”
“No, the American one.”
“Oh, er…” [thinks] “The one with the TV remote?”
“No, the one with Leonardo Di Caprio in it.”
[silence]
“Please tell me you don’t mean ‘The Departed’.”
“Yeah, that was it! Looks, good, doesn’t it?”
“Mate? SLAP YOURSELF, then remember who you’re talking to. Ok? Got it? With me? Right, listen very carefully, cos even though I’ll end up saying this about three million times in yer direction, it’s best you understand it now: I will not be going to see that film. Ok?”
“But why? It’s got Jack Nicholson in it. You like Jack Nicholson.”
“It might have.”
“And it’s about gangsters. You like gangsters.”
“Look mate, it could have Sean Bean getting his kit off, and I STILL wouldn’t go to see it. It might be the best movie ever to come out of America, but I’ll never know, COS I’M NEVER GOING TO SEE IT!”
[silence]
“Oh. Well, you could’ve just said.”

For those of you that missed my ranty-ranty-swear-swear post about The Departed, don’t worry, it’s here. For those of you that are thinking “well int she up her own arse, what’s wrong wi’ it?”, don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll get subjected to the film when it comes out on VCD. And I should watch it eventually, just to compare. Although I have a horrible feeling I’ve already seen best bits int trailer, including the mangling o' this scene:





Every insider knows you put the mic outside the window, and then tap on it wi Morse Code. Result? Leo Di Craprio, you are a fuckwit. Honestly. If you copied the rest of the movie, why not copy that clever bit too? Why hide the mic in the cast? You want to get caught?

Twat.

Soopytwist.

Tags:
Hong Kong ~ asian cinema ~ Infernal Affairs ~ The Departed ~ Tony Leung ~ Hollywood ~ US movies ~ Leonardo DiCaprio ~ Jack Nicholson ~ Martin Scorsese ~ Sean Bean

Best of't week:

Best t-shirt I own this week:


Best song this week: "Itsuka" by Japanese band Yuzu.

Runner-up song of't week: "Twilight's Chapter Seven" by Jay Chau. Oh, and fab video, Jay ~ nice Aston Martin!

Peach and lube.

Tags:
t-shirt ~ Yuzu ~ Japanese ~ Jay Chau ~ Aston Martin

Battle of the Mooncakes

Yeah, it’s nearly Mid-Autumn Festival again. This means (1) I’m looking forward to a day off and (2) the advertising began in earnest about four weeks ago. Yes, it’s Mooncake Wars all over again.

Every year, on the fifteenth day of the eighth lunar month, we get Mid-Autumn Festival (cos it’s in the middle of autumn, see?). This year it falls on October 6th, a little late, but nevertheless, a war of monstrous proportions will be fought over mooncake sales.

What are mooncakes? Basically, small, round lumps of greasy, sweet filling with a cooked egg yolk – yes, an egg yolk, minus the albumen – int middle. That’s all wrapped in a pasty-effect coating and stamped wi the brand name on top. Lovely.

Actually, personally I think the brown mooncakes taste like lard dipped in flaky pastry. I don’t eat them. What I do like is a few o' the variations you can get these days. You see, living in HK, the centre of slimming and weight control companies, they can’t very well survive very long if they’re selling lard and calling it festival goods. So these days each company has about twenty different types, whereby 90% of the lard and grease has been left out, and much more palatable insides are used.

This year I have to say I’m going wi the Saint Honore mooncakes. Not cos of the taste, although they are pretty fab – especially the ice-cream ones, for which I would crawl 500 miles on broken glass just to sweat in their shadow. No, it’s cos of the advertising. And let’s face it, in HK, advertising and image is everything.

So who are the main contenders and carriers of big mooncake-shaped weapons? Well, let’s see: in one corner we have Tai Pan, whose mooncakes have been the territory’s number one best-seller fer about twenty years. They’re good. They’re downright fab. They do the world-famous Snowy mooncakes. I’m dribbling just thinking about em…

In another corner we have Maxim’s. Their advertising campaign uses Ms Joey Yung to dress up in about twenty different outfits, to show all different varieties. Bearing in mind that I have a huge aversion to Ms Yung and her record company especially, those are out of the question.

Next we have the Kee Wah Bakery, famous for having Eric Tsang Ji-Wai as its spokesman. I do have a soft spot fer ‘im, seeing as he’s a right funny bugger and game fer a laff on most occasions. But that can’t compete wi the spokesman for our last serious contender, the Saint Honore bakery, and Mr Aaron Kwok. Choice is simple.

The place is empty now, seeing as me fabbest-of-the-fab mates went home yesterday. I were hoping it were all a dream and I’d come home from work find that they were actually staying an extra week. Ah well. Actual end of Drinking Festival evidence is here.

And that’s it. I’m all mooncaked-out, so I’m going to re-watch some choice season three Remington Steele ~ Oh! Oh! Oh! I can’t believe it, get this:

The Line ~ THEE LINE ~ has been cut from "Steele Trying", the episode where Remington makes up a case, fake clients an all, just to get Laura alone in San Francisco for a week. I’m gutted, absolutely fucking gutted. What am I talking about? Right....

Originally, bloody millions n undreds o' years ago, me and me mam watched "Steele Trying". Then, only about six of seven years ago, it were repeated on Bravo TV (when it were cool) ont Sky satellite/ Anyway, there's this bit where Laura and Remington tail the (innocent) Seymour blokey over to ‘t park, only Remington knows its all completely innocent cos his sister (who he hired to pretend Seymour was in trouble in San Francisco int first place) has told him he’s a quiet bloke wi nowt on. Only, as they’re running after him, they hear gunshots and get down the bank and find another man, dead... Laura's going "he's dead" etc., and saying how the whole case is now more than just suspected adultery and suchlike. Remington's face is a picture: "er... WTF?", cos he’s been planning an innocent case of running around San Francisco, seeing all the romantic sights and getting quality time wi the one bird he’s gagging fer ~ and yet here’s this bloke, who he doesn’t even know, dead as the Queen Mum’s hair-do, throwing spanner int works.

So Tony Bennet cuts int soundtrack with "I guess I'll have to change my plans... I should have realised there'd be another man..." and bugger me, it were a perfect way to reflect the entire scene, and the look o’ pure confusion / “typical!” / hard done by on Remington's face. It were a comedy moment done brilliantly.

So I eagerly anticipated watching it again, this time on DVD. Only what do I find?

Oh.
My
Frog.

Most of the soundtrack has changed! The song's gone! It's summat else entirely! How does that replacement song fit Remington’s face and mood? How can it replace the “I guess I'll to change my plans...”?

Monumentally unimpressed, mate. Totally gutted. In fact, I sat wi' a mirror-image of Remington’s look on me face fer about five minutes, before I collected meself and skipped it backwards to check what I were hearing. I mean, it’s like removing “I am your father!” from Star Wars 6. Or “Here’s Johnny” from the Shining. It’s just not cricket.

I’m reliably informed it’s due to long-term copyrights fer songs etc., and as that episode were filmed in about 1985, I can see how things might be different these days…

I think that’s everything. No, wait ~ there’s shooting, swearing and shagging to be looked forward to this Sunday, as we’re watching the Sharpe’s Challenge DVD (and hoping fer gratuitous amounts of Sean Porn).

That’s it, I’m off. No wait, I always smell like this, arf arf… So peach and lube then. Lots and lots of lube.

Tags:
Mid-Autumn Festival ~ Hong Kong ~ mooncakes ~ Tai Pan ~ Maxim’s ~ Joey Yung ~ Saint Honore ~ Eric Tsang ~ Kee Wah ~ Aaron Kwok ~ Remington Steele ~ Pierce Brosnan ~ Stephanie Zimbalist ~ Laura Holt ~ San Francisco ~ Darth Vader ~ Star Wars ~ Jack Torrence ~ Jack Nicholson ~ Sean Bean ~ Sharpe ~ SeanPorn

Name 'em an shame 'em!

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thanks to me mam, me dad, me three sisters fer supporting me, the two Fionas in me life, me long-suffering mate at Uni, me Japanese friend, Our Kid and his missus, Bolton Friend and her man, Kwok Fu-Bob and his missus, Ji Ma Beng and his missus, me landlord, the Apple Mac company, Netvigator ISP and – lest we forget – Google. It is an honour and a privilege to learn that the world at large loves my website so much it’s in imminent danger of exceeding its bloody hyowj bandwidth limit. I’m overjoyed that someone actually reads it. I’m happy that people are flocking to the pages to look at the pictures and read my captions.

I’m ABSOLUTELY FUCKING RAGING that some bastards are stealing my bandwidth by linking MY images and pictures in their own places, so that when people are reading THEIR page, they’re using MY bandwidth to display the images. Thank you so very fucking much. And ta fer doing it to nearly ALL 300 OF MY PICTURES, you thoughtless, thieving bastards. I wouldn’t mind, but there int even a “thank you” or an “I got it here” link. Oh no, no, no, just an “I’m displaying this and don’t care where I got it”.

Would you like to know who the three guilty parties are? I’ve traced it, ta very much to Sitemeter, to three main culprits. Who would be surprised to learn that they’re fan-site message boards, in Greater China? Oh what a surprise! It’s our thieving, cheating, stealing, arrogant “friends” from the north! Oh how amusing, I’m sure!

“Oh look, I’ve just found a site wi thousands o pictures on it. Should I be nice and send them a wee mail, asking them to use some? Or should I save the pics to me own computer and then post ‘em on the group message board? Nah ~ I’ll just copy the image address and let their own server take the strain. After all, I don’t give two shits, what does it matter to me that I’m upholding the reputation of all mainlanders to be thieving cunts?”

So fuck you, fuck you very much, Bai Du.com, and you too, Fi Fi D.com, and also to you, Tian Ya.cn. I hope you got a good eyeful, cos you’ll notice now that all the pics are missing, replaced wi a small blue square (or, for those of you suffering on a PC, a small box wi a red cross in it) where the pic used to be before I switched on the hotlink-protection options. I hope yer happy, cos I’ve taken them pages and the file directories off-line. There’s no fucker getting any more free bandwidth from me.

Why did I take the pages off-line? Cos I have to stop anyone reading me site now, and then when October comes around, I can switch ‘em back on, seeing as me monthly bandwidth will have been reset fert new month.

Fuckers. Arrogant bloody stealing cunts! Just pisses me off, does that. No “please can I?”, no “thank you for sharing, I’ve signed your guestbook”, in fact, no contact whatsoever. I’ve never had someone steal my Tinternet stuff ~ everyone I know is nice enough to ask me if they can use it first. Dunt matter, I’ve learnt me lesson, and they can fuck a long a way off. Call me naive, eh.

Onto other news: wrist is getting better, mates are still in town, we had a typhoon 3 warning yesterday that was then dropped and its stopped raining an all. Me mates are off to Lantau to go Buddha-spotting. I’m typing this in me pyjamas as two in the afternoon, thinking about putting heater on fert shower. Ah, holidays…

Right then, that’s it. Enjoy the pictures ~ guess where I stole 'em from [insert hyowj vindictive grin here]…

Soopytwist.

Tags:
bandwidth ~ hotlinking ~ message boards ~ China ~ mainland ~ reputation ~ stealing ~ Hong Kong ~ Lantau ~ buddha ~ Aaron Kwok

Iconage

Forgot to re-post it here: finally put all me dancing icons together. Just in case anyone needs some dancing icons. Yer never know, you see. You might be walking downt street and suddenly think: "blimey! I'm all outa icons, I'm so lost wi'out em" etc.

Dance, monkey boy, dance!

I'm still healing. And watching Remington Steele ~ crikey blimey Charlie, came across "Stronger than Steele" tonight - what a plethora o' quotes that kicked up:

[Laura] Atomic Man is wanted for murder!
[Steele] Really Laura, I didn't know the penalty for bad acting was that stiff in this country.

[Steele] What would you say to a nice little American shag? 'Hello, nice little American shag'?

His comic timing is just genius at times. Course, I'm sure a shag is a kinda carpet in America...

Soopytwist.

Tags:
icons ~ Remington Steele ~ Pierce Brosnan ~ Laura Holt ~ Sean Bean ~ Sharpe

Sick leave

Yeah, that’s me off fer a few days. Got Repetitive Strain Injury to me right hand/wrist/tendon things. Will be back when it’s all better and I can type more than ten words a minute.

And no, it int from doing what you all think I’ve been doing.



(Little ‘say what you see’ joke there.) I blame this Apple keyboard and me own stubborn laziness. Long story. At least I’m left-handed, eh. I’ll be off fer some gratuitous DVD watching, then.

Peach and lube.

Tags:
RSI ~ Sean Bean ~ Apple

"That's what I love about you..."

Had a riot watching some vintage Remington Steele t’other night. “Man alive!” as me mate would say, but it’s damned witty stuff. I keep peppering me sofa wi tea, laffing at the wee one-liners in there. Some of them are definite “have to be there” experiences, but there are one or two quotes I’d love to use all over Tinternet. And delivered so well by Mr Brosnan (he of the eyebrows that speak a million words) and Miss Zimbalist (all-round heroine).

Anyway, also remembering how fab it were to see Mr Steele’s apartment, wi his film posters on the wall. Casablanca, Hotel Imperial, The Thin Man… how cool is that? I always wanted a flat wi film posters all over the walls, and in fact spent formative years in HMV in England, finding the right kind of posters.

Sadly, they never went up ont walls, but here in Hong Kong, in me own flat, I do have three such posters on me walls. One, hanging over me TV, is actually from Divergence, winner of Best Picture at last year’s Golden Horse Awards in Taiwan (even though it’s a Hong Kong film). I also have an Indiana Jones print, sent me by me sister. Ah, cotton socks, eh.

What I love the millions of times he remembers a film, and likens the plot to the case they’re on. It’s always “This is starting to look more and more like Bad Day at Black Rock”, or "well if that third man isn't Orson Welles, I can't help you". It’s great entertainment fer film-lovers.

So, quotes from the great Remington Steele?

“Someone is going around killing batchelors, Mr Steele!”
“In that case, will you marry me, Laura?”

“So tonight, you have the unprecedented honour of sleeping in my bed – pyjamas optional. I’ll keep company with the couch.”

[Laura] “Why are they shooting at us?”
[Steele] “Because we’re kissing! Someone always shoots at us when we’re kissing!”

“That’s what I love about you, Laura, you narrow this case down to include everybody.”

[Laura] “I don’t know what to say!”
[Steele] “Say yes and let me make up the question."

[Steele] “Do you have any idea the price one pays for abusing alcohol the way I did last night?”
[Laura] “No. What is the price one pays for abusing alcohol the way you did last night?”
[Steele, reading a pharmacy receipt] “$10.77. But then again I didn't shop around – I probably could have done better on the mouthwash.”

[Laura picks up the phone, expecting another obscene call] “Now listen! I've had all the disgusting propositions I'm going to–“
[Steele] “Oh come now, Laura, I haven't made you a disgusting proposition in ages.”

[Laura, in his doorway] “You know, you've pulled a lot of tacky stunts to get me up here alone, but this has got to be a new low.”
[Steele] “Well, you know me. For the right woman, there's no limit to the depths I'll sink.”

Just fab. Anyway, in the style of old film posters, and gratefully gleaned from our friend happily blogging about nowt, I’m Katharine Hepburn! Woo-hoo! Her greatest line? “What a whopper! I’ve heard some lies in my time…” African Queen, United Artists, 1951. John Huston directs Humphrey Bogart, Katharine Hepburn… * grin *

Katharine Hepburn You scored 28% grit, 38% wit, 38% flair, and 11% class!

You are the fabulously quirky and independent woman of character. You go your own way, follow your own drummer, take your own lead. You stand head and shoulders next to your partner, but you are perfectly willing and able to stand alone. Others might be more classically beautiful or conventionally woman-like, but you possess a more fundamental common sense and off-kilter charm, making interesting men fall at your feet. You can pick them up or leave them there as you see fit. You share the screen with the likes of Spencer Tracy and Cary Grant, thinking men who like strong women. Find out what kind of classic leading man you'd make by taking the Classic Leading Man Test.

Link: The Classic Dames Test written by gidgetgoes on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

I might just crack open another DVD tonight. Purely to laff at the 1980's hair-do's and get-up.
Soopytwist.

Tags:
Remington Steele ~ Pierce Brosnan ~ Stephanie Zimbalist ~ films ~ posters ~ African Queen ~ Humphrey Bogart ~ Katharine Hepburn ~ Casablanca ~ Hotel Imperial ~ The Thin Man ~ Indiana Jones ~ Divergence