There is no 1973… (a sort of part 2)

It's not all doom and gloom actually, as even though Sam Tyler didn't get home (in a really pathetic bid by the BBC to string out another series), other things have been awreight.

Had a cracking time in Bath, despite the aforementioned Aussie arse getting on me tits (thankfully, only figuratively), and the bum-numbing ride on t' bus home. FC Utd of Manchester played away to Great Harwood Town yesterday and drew 1-1 (match report here). My iPod (which I previously thought was a goner, software-wise) has been exonerated in the Failing of the Battery case (iPod Shuffle v the Soupdragon, February 2006), and things are getting back to normal. My sister's famous random phrase inspired me to get me own, and this successfully dealt out a Napoleon's farewell Sharpe-style to several wankers I met at the various pubs and clubs in Bath over the weekend. I am not at liberty to divulge the nature of this phrase, however it has become one of me favourites and will be remembered long after I've blown this pop-stand and returned to the Bright Centre of the Universe (Hong Kong).

So anyway, to the matter at hand. Did you know that in 1752, September 3rd – 13th did not exist? Really! That's like 2 weeks that just disappeared… And so it could have been in 1973! I'm starting to believe, Muldar-like, in this idea that perhaps 1973 didn't exist…

Damn, I haven’t thought of a picture yet. I'm still looking for more of Ewan or hopefully Max getting their arses out. Will keep trying. In the meantime, there's Ashley J Williams. Speaking of which, I hope they get a wiggle on and make "My Name Is Bruce".

Tags:
Bruce Campbell
Life on Mars

In need of serious amounts of Ewan McGregor…

Did you watch tonight's Life On Mars then? So Sam didn't get back home then ~ why? WHY? Because he let his dad go, that's why! What a softie! As Gene Hunt said, "don't be a Jessie"! He should have arrested his dad and got back to 2006…

He's such a wimp! What a pussy! I'm really upset now… I thought Sam was alright, but obviously he's been in 2006 too long... He should have arrested the cad! GRRRRRRR!

Gods be damned, I'm so angry I'm going to have to publish a lovely pic here to calm myself down…



So, went to Bath for't weekend, got pished, lost my Welsh friend, beat an Aussie off wi a stick, found friend again, slept off a hangover the size of Spain in two goes, had a mighty fine fry-up for breakfast (taken at 5pm), then took the piss with my "day explorer" ticket from Wilts & Dorset buses, going from Bath to Salisbury, to Bournemouth, to Ringwood, then walked the rest of the way home.

He should have arrested him! What a big girl's blouse Sam Tyler is!

Apologies to all Aussies reading, but after this weekend I have to report that the two I met this weekend were wankers of the lowest order, and has tainted how I see Aussie blokes in the future. Now Aussie lasses, I like. Don't jump to conclusions ~ I may have short hair and comfortable shoes, but I don't do birds. What I meant was, every Aussie girl I've met has been chatty, friendly and easy to get along with. Give me a choice, and I'll take an Aussie girl over an American any day. I know that doesn't actually mean much coming from me, but there is a hyowj gap between the two types.

Anyway, I'm still a little fragile so I'll get back to you later. After I've scrutinized the above pic a little longer. Sorry, can't help it.

Tags:
Ewan McGregor
Life on Mars

Why did I even bother getting out of bed?

Today has been a complete disaster ~ got up (first mistake), found my dole cheque had come through't post. Had a bath (actually a success, as got hot water and lay there listening to Arctic Monkeys, Aaron Kwok and Franz Ferdinand on me iPod), dressed as warmly as humanly possible and then braved the biting winds and sleet to walk all't way to the Post Office to cash it. Got to the PO, it were shut. Damn! How could they be fucking shut? Don't they realize I need that money? And a can only be cashed in one place? Not impressed.

I have to say my favourite tracks from "Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not" have to be From the Ritz to the Rubble, Mardy Bum, and Still Take You Home. They're just class lyrics and fab choons. Anyway, then half-walked, half-jogged t' bus stop to wait 25 minutes for a bus that never came… I ask you, when you're standing there in the freezing cold wi nowt but a fitba scarf and an iPod to keep you warm against the biting winter wind, do you really need long-distance Spanish and Italian truck drivers flashing their lights, honking their horns and waving out o windows at you? Actually, it did make me smile ~ and if you were one of them cheeky chappies driving the low-loader wi an army tank on the back, wey-hey, and why didn't you stop, you tease?

Anyway, as the bus still hadn't arrived 25 mins after the advertised time, I were left to walk 20 mins back down the road to me dad's house. Why was I getting the bus t' Big Town in't first place? To buy a plane ticket to Hong Kong, that's why. The shop closed at 5pm, so relatives were then roped into giving me a lift to beat deadline. We arrived at 4.50pm ~ and even as I was trying the unexpectedly stiff door handle, the girlie still working there in semi-darkness told me the place were shut. Shut? Shut? WTF? I gestured to the clock in her own shop, proudly displaying ten minutes to closing time, but she just shrugged an "I'm afraid, no" gesture. To say I were annoyed would be understating matters.

But anyway, there's always the joy of getting home to remember that you still have some lovely Ewan McGregor DVDs to watch. Or you can just re-read the Trainspotting book and imagine him voicing Renton all the way through. Or look at the above picture of Max Beesley looking every inch the lovely in posh police togs. Speaking of looking lovely, did you see Hotel Babylon last night? Charlie (the exceptionally lovely Max Beesley) was on fine form ~ especially enjoyed the moment in episode 6 where he announces to the hotel that he's seeing Jacquie the head of housekeeping ~ the look on Anna's face was priceless. Never did like her, but as I slowly get to know more about her, I find that I'm understanding her more and hating her less. Mostly cos I know Charlie's safe from her meddling clutches at the moment.

Talking of the very lickable ~ ahem, likeable ~ Max Beesley, he's currently the world's 71st sexiest man (according to this New Woman's magazine article, from a lovely Japanese blog). I must say I'm surprised ~ why is he not in the top 20 then, eh? Or Ewan McGregor ~ speaking of which, this is a FAB picture site for him.

That's it I think ~ feeling better now I've warmed up and had an excuse to look through my somewhat small collection of Max photos. And there's the fact that I'm off to Bath tomorrow for a real mother of a pish-up weekend. Goodnight, sleep tight, and I'll see you all again very soon.

ANGRY AS HELL…

Today I've been inspired by the untouchable writings at the Devil's Kitchen ~ one day when I grow up I want to be half as informed and eloquent as they. But one article stopped me dead in my tracks and had me seething. No, it wasn't written by them, but rather a link to this story in the Guardian that they turned up. I agree with all Tiny Judas' comments on this sad turn of events.

No wait, did I just say "sad turn of events"? Fuck me, I'm turning into another Englisher. What I meant to say, what I should have said, is "how much longer are people going to let this go on?" How can police just stand by and watch this happen, let fitba "fans" (who I don't believe for a nano-second are really there for any sport besides hooliganism) attack AN AMBULANCE? Obviously these thugs have no shame, and just need to be shot. And I mean that most sincerely folks. Pushing at an ambulance, shouting taunts like "Munich scum", they should have been grabbed by the back of the neck and forced into the tarmac, held down by some copper's boot until such time as they stopped protesting, and then marched away. And shot.

Not to draw comparisons, but "snakeheads" (slave traders) and triads in Chinese waters are given just this treatment. Why? Because they deserve it. There's no malice in it, no torture, no enjoyment by the officials. They are ruled undeserving of life and sorted out swiftly and even, dare I say it, humanely, treated with far more consideration than those bastards showed poor Alan Smith (who wasn't even alive in 1958, if you want to get technical) and the team of ambulance workers. At the end of the day, these thugs should have been arrested (yes! Every fucking one o them!) and charged for attacking an ambulance ~ which I once thought would have been exempt from malice, seeing how it SAVES LIVES. The rest, like hurling abuse at the occupants, endangering the lives of the paramedics, causing a public disturbance, etc. etc. should be added on top of their crimes in justification for having already shot the fuckers for daring to attack an ambulance ~ while it was giving care or not.

So no, there's no photo posted here today, and no smiley endings. I'm too fucked off with the whole thing to even consider ending this on a high note. Have em shot, make the world a better place, and stop genuine Liverpool fans getting any retaliation. I may be a Manc, but I feel badly for the real Liverpudlians (see? I'm so upset I'm being nice and calling them Liverpudlians, and not scousers).

I'm off to read the Emerald Bile, to see if they have anything on this. And just to make me feel better by reading their sweary take on the world.

Tags:
Manchester United

Don't drop your balls...

This is fantastic ~ go, look, click their link and be astounded. I certainly was. Puts my flipping pancakes to shame, I tell you.

"My mum, who's a nurse…"

So I was sat in the living room talking to Dad today. We were both in a good mood. Me cos I'd just been t' job centre and secured my next 2 weeks' Jobseekers' Allowance payment, and him cos we were looking at the FC Utd website on t'internet, laffing at the pictures of the supporters therein. Which reminds me, if you're one of the nippers in this pic, let me know ~ I'd love to hear all about the match you watched on 5th October last year against Oldham Town.

Anyway, we got talking about fitba and how it's all gone downhill since he were a nipper. I'd mentioned that FC Utd were £7 a ticket, compared to Man Utd's whopping £50-odd, and he said he remembered when he got into Man Utd matches for 1/3 (or 1s3d, or 1 shilling and 3 pence). Mainly cos he were a "junior", but he couldn't remember the price of an adult ticket then. If anyone here can, please let us know. Dad remembers come cracking bits of fitba ~ he paid his 1/3 for his ticket to see Man City win against Man U, the winning goal scored by Dennis Law.He also remembers how he saw Robert Burns, then skipper of Man U, getting on his bus, paying his fare to Old Trafford and sitting on't top deck (a not unusual occurrence). Dad o course was too in awe to speak to him. Ahhh, those were the days ~ when players' salaries were capped at £20 a week (long before decimalisation, and when a brand new Mini cost £500!), there were no hooligans, and no shirt sponsors neither. A different world. But what they lacked back then was an aeroplane in the crowd ~ they have them at every FC Utd of Manchester match now, honest. Those were the days ~ when Dad remembers getting the bus from Flixton to Stretford, going t' pictures, buying the necessary munchies therein and all for 1/9 (a shilling and 9 pence) ~ when he was working for the bank at £10 (200 shillings) a week gross. Can you believe it?

Speaking of which, did anyone see that episode of Life On Mars about the murder in Trafford Park, apparently of a football supporter? It was a stunning episode, but Dad and my younger sister were not impressed by the fact they maintained that there actually were fitba hooligans back then, starting punch-ups and stabbing people. They reckoned there were no such thing back then (in the non-existent 1973), but we did all appreciate Sam Tyler's speech, going off on one to the guy they finally arrested. He hde a rant about how it starts with just one punch, and then in 30 years' time there's all-seater stadiums, police at fitba matches, CCTV of the crowd, racism and taunting, dead Turkish fans during the World Cup, English fitba fans banned from overseas matches etc…

Anyway, now I've added some fitba links there, you can have a look yourself. Remember: MANCHESTER UNITED ARE EVIL AND MUST BE PUNISHED...

Tags:
Life on Mars
Manchester United

Denying that 1973 ever existed

I think 1973 is like Number 6 ~ there is no 1973. No-one in my family remembers it. I was born in 1977, my older sister just before me. During the time that '73 allegedly existed, my parents were living in Toronto, so they don't remember how Manchester was supposed to have looked like a Life On Mars set. Will I go to prison for pooh-poohing '73? I hope not. I read about that David Irving bloke going to prison in Austria for denying that the Holocaust (so factually real that it demands a capital letter) existed, so perhaps it would be wise for me to keep my aspersions about 1973 to myself for now…

Don't get me wrong ~ I think he's a bastard and deserves a stoning for saying that the millions of PoWs died but not cos of religious persecution, but rather due to disease or "alternative reasons". I'm not saying he should be let off at all. But I'm just not sure what good will come of locking him up for 3 years ~ of which he's probably only going to serve 1 or 2 anyway. What good comes of caging up some fucker who spends his time reading his own books and re-affirming his own convictions? He's an offending arse of major proportions and deserves a good kicking ~ but not kept at the equivalent of Her Majesty's pleasure, Austrian style. Couldn't they fine him squillions of euros and make him donate it to a fund for Holocaust survivors or descendents etc.? But supposing he's on to something and the Holocaust didn't exist (which I am not prepared to believe for a moment), then what where they all doing in Manchester recently?

On the subject of telling people what they can and can't try to prove in public, I noted with delight this article on the impact of the Internet in China recently. Fantastic ~ long may the meddling teenagers in the mainland find alternative search engines that allow them to see this kind of article. Guess it just goes to show that you can't censor all of the search engines all of the time…

Getting back to how '73 didn't really exist, I would actually be upset to learn that, in this year, no-one like DCI Gene Hunt was coming out with highly offensive, politically incorrect one-liners and threats. I do enjoy watching Life On Mars, but now I'm split between thinking it's "will Sam get home?" or "will Gene Hunt [the Gene-genie] make us gasp at his audacious sayings this week?". I'm beginning to think it's the latter. I've mentioned him before, I know, but he deserves a whole post (one day). Apparently not only are the Beeb releasing season 1 of Life On Mars on DVD later this year, but they're already putting the finishing touches to season 2 and are apparently shooting in April '06. Hmm. Part of me shudders to think what they're going to do with the end of season 1, part of me hopes with all my strength that Gene Hunt will be back in all his vitriolic glory.

Anyway, something amusing to finish on: Lionel Richtea and his biscuit friends!

Oh, and today's pic? 'Trip' from Star Trek. I promise next time it'll be someone ele.

Tags:
Connor Trinneer
Life on Mars

ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!

I've been so in need of amusement that I actually opened my sent mail folder and went through deleting all the crap. There was a lot. But I did come across one or two little forgotten gems ~ like the one a fab friend sent me about Star Wars DVDs.

For those of you that don't live in Asia, you maybe haven’t seen the hyowj industry that specializes in selling knocked-off DVDs. The capital of this industry has to be Shenzhen (China). I don't think I've ever seen a real DVD there. As with it's slightly smaller counterpart in Europe, this business is all about selling as many dodgy DVDs as possible. Recipe for a knock-off:
Get the original or download it from the net.
Fuck up the picture so that it's slightly tilted for no apparent reason.
Translate the entire film to your native Asian language and subtitle it.
For foreigners' ultimate enjoyment, find someone who doesn't speak a word of English and get him to translate the subtitles back into English using only a word-by-word dictionary.
Voila! Get the DVD home, sit back with a few beers and prepare to laff your arse off at the results ~ like this Star Wars effort. Fantastic!

So cos I was in desperate need of something amusing, I went web-trawling and found some interesting results. There's still the amazing site, Engrish.com, all about collecting instances of mis-used English. They now do T-shirts too! I want one! But before you start banging on about not laughing at people who don't know better, I'd just like to say in my defence that people routinely laugh at my Chinese, and it's all swings and roundabouts.

But the outright winner, in terms of effort, results, and just plain deadpan-iness (I want that word added to the Oxford English Dictionary, please) has to be Flubtitles. They go through dodgy subtitles DVD-by-DVD, and I'm still wetting myself over "Get weapon, bitch!" from Conman in Tokyo (I think). I think I actually remember seeing these subtitles when Cheung Ga-Fai was shouting at Christy Chung ~ was it during the "I don't know what these Japanese are talking about, but their suits make them look like yakuza so I'll beat them" scene (in Louis Koo's humble noodle shop)? When she gives him chopsticks? Can't remember.

Anyway, tonight's title comes from the immortal lines mis-translated all that time ago for Zero Wing. Ah, the days of crappily made Sega Megadrive games… Anyway, enjoy this bloke's site ~ it's a riot (riot! I predict a riot! etc.)!

Do you like the picture for today? Not too shabby, even if I do say so myself.

Tags:
Ewan McGregor
Asian Cinema

Ewan McGregor is the devil!

LOL, not really! But you have to admit, he looks like he's got two horns of hair, LOL!

More photos (hopefully more revealing) later...

May the Force be with you...

So what's been happening in my little world over the weekend? Well, apart from spending a futile few hours trying to help my mates burp the word "beer", not a lot. Oh, watched The Mummy again, and the concluding part of the historic V mini-series (except we're not convinced it's really the last part, as loads of stuff has yet to happen), finished off the vodka and thought about how to spend my last 2 or so weeks in England.

Did you see the Liverpool v Man U match on Saturday? Now you know I have to root for the home side, even though MAN UTD ARE EVIL AND MUST BE PUNISHED, because, well, the other side are scousers. It's that simple. So I was less than impressed with the commentator's constant verbal attacks and slights against Man U, while Liverpool were "storming" and "rampant" and just plain fucking sun-out-their-arses brilliant. They kept going on about how Man U are behind in the league, about how they're crap and slipping away, about how there's no way in nine circles of Hell they could pull their fingers out and win any league, much less stay in the European Cup. But of course Liverpool are just fan-dabby-dosey, they're fucking ace, they're untouchable saints that can do no wrong. Despite the fact that they're fouling people left right and centre and diving for England.

Listening to their sycophantic carping on just makes me want to throw something at the TV and start screaming abuse at them ("Abuse! Abuse!"). Ah fuck it, can't be arsed. But I was horrified to see poor Alan Smith trip over that blade o grass and smash his own leg into pieces. Poor wee lamb went down so heavily and awkwardly he dislocated his ankle and the force of it caused his leg to break too. Obviously ont wrong side of Force there, weren't he? Don't know what's going to happen to him now, but he's apparently had an operation this morning, and after 3 or so days he'll be back at home with his leg in plaster for about 6 weeks. Then comes the physio and actual walking and bending bit. I don't envy him, poor bastard. Still, hope he gets back to his old self again ASAP.



On a completely different note, spent an hour watching that new(ish) Star Trek series, Enterprise. I'd be lying if I said I were watching it for anything other than the engineer, who appears to be called 'Trip'. Must be amusing being called after a mis-hap. Anyway, he has this drawling-type southern US accent and it's luuuuuuurvely. He' s not bad either. Interesting to see that the Star Trek creators have learnt their lesson, and instead of covering up all their actors (as in The Next Generation and, my favourite, Deep Space Nine), they've gone back to the good-old Kirk days of ripping your shirt off and exposing a bit of real talent. I have to say I'd be a regular viewer of Enterprise if Trip got a bit of uniform off every week. Or yes. That's why he's the pic of the day there.

That's it, semi-rant over, time to go bed and sleep off my weeny hangover. I say weeny ~ I obviously didn't try hard enough. Bye folks, sleep tight, and I'll see you all again very soon.

Tags:
Connor Trinneer
Manchester United

Don't be shy, your mother wasn't…

Why is it that in HK you can't have your actors getting their kit off? Is it cos of some outdated idea that if you're an untalented wee shite, you have to show your alternative talents? I still kind of adhere to this theory ~ I mean, fuck me but that's why people like Mariah Carey have nearly no clothes on on the cover of her "CD"s.

So where does that leave people like Ewan McGregor, who seems to be functioning at less that full capacity if he's not singing or getting his kit off, in that order ~ or at the same time. Hey, don't mind me mate, goan yersel, just pretend I'm not here like. Seems the world needs more actors who aren't adverse to getting their kits off ~ especially in Hong Kong. I don't know why it's so different, maybe they have this idea that it shouldn't be necessary. Riiiiiiiiiiiight. Ask any girl going t' pictures in HK and she'll tell you it's VERY necessary. Makes parting wi HK$50 a ticket worth your while like. I'm all for people wi real talent getting in t' pictures and doing everything they have to do wi owt having to descend to smutty levels or cheap kit-off thrills to temp an audience, but come on, sometimes it doesn't hurt if they have hidden talents. And he shouldn't be hiding anything ~ nice Crieff boy like that wi hardly an accent to cling to needs to be announcing his arrival. Pity he's not got a full-on harsh accent, but then if he did I'd have to give up me life entirely and stalk him until arrests followed. So anyway, getting back to the topic: lads no being shy.


See what I mean? Definitely necessary, and don't let anyone tell you different. Anyway, have to say I've spent way too much time on the Jammy Blog (link on my sidebar there) recently ~ it's addictive reading. You have to see their Indian Curry Rhapsody, it's pure class. Apart from that I've been laffing fit to burst at the unashamed sweariness of the Devil's Kitchen ~ certainly my favourite place recently. A refreshing change, seeing as everyone thinks it but no bugger says it. Well they do now…

I think that's everything I have to rant about today. Not much of a rant, I know, but it makes me feel better to post these two lovely eye-catchers. More will be posted later ~ as someone once said, "post it and they will drool".

Cavaliers on Cannabis

Try to keep your eyes on this text, and off his arse. For now. Ahem. Where was I? Oh, yeah. I shit you not, I found out tonight that the famous painting of the Laughing Cavalier (who isn't actually laughing, more of just kind of smirking) was painted on a hemp canvas. Yep, that means he's "on" cannabis ~ or hemp, another name for mostly the same thing. Want to know how I found this out? Go on, course you do ~ I was watching Qi. Isn't Stephen Fry fab? He should be annoying cos he seems to know everything about everything, but actually he has never annoyed me. I don't know why ~ maybe cos he's gay. Women seem to find gay men alright, no matter what they're supposed to have done wrong. When people talk about him I always think "awww, he's just lovely and harmless".

Anyway ~ and keeping your eye on this text still ~ he also told the story of someone having been in a dreadful accident ~ but of course it was also horrendously funny. He said he knew of a guy who had been on his lawnmower cutting his lawn, and his foot went under the blades. Now that's bad enough, right? The thought of the poor bloke diligently cutting away, minding his own business, taking good care of his no doubt otherwise well-cared for garden… when, WHOOPS! And as if that didn't already have us cringing, what came next had us shrieking with laughter ~ I know, it's bad, and we shouldn't have, but it was the way Mr Fry recounted the story.

The now-liberated toe shot up and took his eye out.

Now, now! Stop laffing! You can't blame me for howling with guilty laughter when you lot (well, my one reader, anyway) are just as bad…

Anyway, it got me thinking, and I realized I really should get my hair cut, as I'm looking like a gayer-than-usual Luke Skywalker right now. I know what you're thinking ~ how can that have reminded me to get my hair cut? Well maybe I'm just an all-around strange-o but it did. Anyway, maybe I'll wait another few weeks till I get back to HK, and see if my hairdresser will do it for free. He normally does for services rendered.

Right, now you can remember I haven't left you wi nowt, and I hope you enjoy the lovely big pic of our lovely big friend Mr Max Beesley.
Wey-hey! Get 'em out fer't girls!

Tags:
Max Beesley
Stephen Fry

Sci-fi, Mars, the Long Way Round…

Everyone here knows I'm all for arsing about on the net and basically wasting time ~ and let's face it, recently that's all I've had to do anyway. So here's something someone sent me by e-mail: a sci-fi crew test! You take the behavioural / personality test to see which ship from loads of different sci-fi shows you should be living on... Try it HERE.

I can't believe I came up as Babylon 5! WTF? I watched one episode and decided it were crap ~ I've always been a Deep Space Nine person (you can tell, right?). Talking of TV, the BBC are supposed to be releasing their "drama" series Life On Mars on DVD around October this year ~ I won't hold me breath. Apparently they've already got a second season in writing, so I don't really know what to expect now. We're up to episode 6 of 8 ~ will Sam get home? Will DCI Hunt get his own appreciation webpage? I hope so ~ the one-liners he comes out with are worthy of their own fan club, honestly. Can you imagine a copper today (even in the greatest city in the UK, Manchester) shouting "If I find one scratch on that car when I come out, I'll come round to your house and stamp on all your toys!" to a bunch o kids playing in the street? Fantastic... Kind o reminiscent of Remy McSwain’s “Now if you do anything to my car ~ if you even get your fingerprints on the paintwork ~ they [the arriving patrolmen] are gonna beat the everlivin’ shit out of you”. But who would win in a street fight, DCI Gene Hunt or Lt. Remy McSwain? There’s only one way to find out! FIGHT!!!

Did you see that programme, the Long Way Round? 2 blokes get on their motorbikes and ride from London to New York (yes, they fly from Russia to Alaska). They seem to have more fun stopping and meeting people to do wi bikes than actually riding, although they do comment on how amazing that is too. They have their dramas and their jokes, and it’s compelling watching even though I’m not a biker. Oh, who are the 2 blokes? Charley Boorman and Ewan McGregor. Yes, that Charley Boorman. He is a funny bloke, I’ve got to say, and more than a tad crazy. And Ewan’s just nice to look at (exhibit A, left) .

I’m still bummed about not being able to watch the last episode of Hotel Babylon, but I’ll guess I can wait till the DVD comes out. If it does. That’ll be next year at best ~ the BBC are nothing if not slower than an asthmatic ant carrying heavy shopping.

Anyway, ‘scuse me while I continue listening to Franz Ferdinand and trying to get the internet to work. I tell you, UK broadband has to set a record for the slowest run speed in the world.

Tags:
Hotel Babylon
Ewan McGregor

Nice!

I did state somewhere that this blog would feature nice pics of buff blokes to look at. But where are they? Well here’s one of them… Just something to cheer me up, seeing as I’ll miss Charlie getting his kit off in the last ever Hotel Babylon. But hey, the good points of going back to HK far outweigh the prospect of staying here. And I am missing the pub quizzes at the Wide Tart and the karaoke at Green Box, Causeway Bay. I have a sneaking feeling I may be there the very first night I get back… All night, LOL (well it would help my jetlag, not sleeping for 24 hours, right?).
So anyway, enjoy the pic... Maybe next time I’ll have dug up some Charlie pics to show. Hmm… sounds like a plan…

Slinky Dog is always bang-on…

You’ve seen Toy Story, right? When Woody can’t find his hat, and Slinky Dog waltzes in saying “Well, I got some good news and I got some bad news”… Here’s my good news:

I should be back in Hong Kong in the next three weeks. How fab is that? I can get back to my flat, my stable net connection (with REAL broadband!) and my life. But…

… the bad news? It means I’ll miss the last episode of Hotel Babylon! Noooooo!! The horror!! But then, what choice do I have? It’s not as if I can make the world wait just one week so I can watch the final part, just cos some good-looking bloke is in it…

Ah well. I’ll just have to trade Charlie/Max getting his kit off one last time for the knowledge that I’m back in my flat and back onto a serious job that actually changes the world. No, I’m not a spy. At least, not yet. So there’s nothing for it then, just have to take it on the chin, and all that. Which reminds me ~ if you haven’t heard the Arctic Monkeys’ new CD, “Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I’m Not”, do yourself a favour and go get a copy! I just bought it from iTunes the other night and crikey blimey Charlie, it’s fab. It’s not easy listening though ~ a group of young lads from Sheffield play some REALLY LOUD music ~ don’t be put off by thinking it’s all head-banging stuff, like I did to begin with ~ and write insightful lyrics about their city. It’s excellent, it’s original, it’s colourful (i.e., contains some swearing, but nothing too bad) and it’s been shunted to the top of my iPod list. It goes round and round and I keep waiting for “Mardy Bum” to play again, or “Riot Van”. Just great.

The reason I like this album is cos of the way it describes their city without ever having to tell you where it is… It’s like everyone already knows, because their own city is almost identical, save the big ways. You see? Everywhere is the same when you just look at the small things, it’s just the larger things that are different. “Riot Van” is about walking home from a drunken night out and getting stopped by the polis, “Still Take You Home” is pretty much what every bloke is thinking when he goes to your average Saturday night cattle-market hoping to go home with some new bird, and “Dancing Shoes” is the other side to going out on the piss and actually finding a target to chat up. “From The Ritz to the Rubble” is SUPERB ~ about bouncers on a pub or nightclub door, and how everything you do when you’re pissed would be impossible on any other day.

All the writing is fab here ~ sometimes it’s noisy stuff and I have to intercut it with other, less ear-bashing music, but overall it’s an album I could listen to over and over again. At the end of the day, all I want is lyrics I can identify with or at least appreciate with some understanding, and this album does it over and over again. Crikey blimey Charlie, listen to me, I sound like an advert for this band. I’ll stop here.

Again, it’s nearing 4am and it’s high-time I went to bed. Mind you, it’s blowing a gale and hammering down wi’ rain outside, so I’ve hee-haw chance of sleeping for a bit yet. I’ll gie it a go though.

Tags:
Hotel Babylon
Max Beesley
Arctic Monkeys

What? No blogroll?

Yeah, yeah, stop tittering ~ I said BLOG-roll. Honestly, you lot…

OK (yes, I prefer “OK” in capitals. Why? Because I defend the position that it’s short for “au quai”, and therefore in my eyes stands for something. The same way I think SARS should be written “SARS” and not “Sars”. Yes, South China Morning Post, I’m talking to you…), so I haven’t posted links on here ~ not really. Those lucky people who’ve been to my website (and I know who you are ~ my website is one of the most innocuous-looking yet devilishly sophisticated web creations known to man, capable of recording your very desktop icons if it chooses, BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA! Actually? No, it can’t. I’m lying again. It’s boring here, alright? I need something to amuse me, and I’m sorry, but Big Bond-Villain Laughs do it for me every time. Anyway, where was I?)… er, my website, yes…

…those of you who have been to my website know I’m obsessed, that’s fair enough. You also know that there’s a lovely LINKS PAGE that takes you to most of the cool sites I look at. But wait! This is just the websites ~ not the blogs I read… at least, not yet…

Yeah, I know, I should start a blogroll so all you lucky, lucky people can share in the delight of my nightly read ~ cos let’s face it, the TV’s not up to it, is it? But I won’t go on about English TV yet again. Suffice to say, it’s CRAP.


So when am I going to find the time to put a blogroll on here then? Erm, hold that thought. For now, I can tell you that there’s this REALLY COOL blog (in French) called Menoum! and it has literally tonnes of really cool links on it? Wait, do the French use “tonnes” or “tons”? Who cares anyway? I’m sure I couldn’t tell you, if I were buried under a pile of bricks, if it weighed 1 tonne or 1 ton. Anyway, right now this site has a link to the Honda advert now playing on English TV. It’s fab… trust Honda to write yet another really eye-catching (or should that be “ear-catching”?) advert for us to sit through.

I was flicking through Technorati and found this really informative site about Cantopop ~ it is in Chinese, but it’s great. He liked Aaron Kwok’s new Thematic album, so we like this site!! Yes, yes, I know, I read French, Chinese and English sites. Do you know why? Cos I’m a star, that’s why. Seriously, I think I may be a small gas giant about the size of Betelgeuse. Or is that cos of the waffles my sister just made me? You be the judge…

But be warned, I am watching and reading, and I’ll be adding YOUR blog to my brand spanking new blogroll just as soon as I can figure out how to do it… Leave it to me , I’ll sort it out myself, don’t fret.


There’s also a really good site about how evil (“Eeeevil!! Like fru-its of the devil!!”) the BBC are, but I’d best leave that to another time. Like when it’s not 3am and I’m waiting for a phone call… Don’t even ask what I’m doing up at 3am waiting for a phone call. Let’s just say, international calls are important. God I can’t wait to get back to my HK flat… It feels like I haven’t seen it (or a decent job) in a lifetime. Probably has been a lifetime and I just didn’t notice. Mind you, I’m Hell-bent on getting back before April 8th, cos Aaron Kwok’s first HK Film Awards nomination cannot be missed. He’s going to be all dressed up in his best tux (my guess is it’ll be Prada-made, LOL) and strutting around like a winner. Not that he doesn’t do that all the time, but you know.

Maybe I should give up and go to bed. It might stop my “panda-eyes” being quite so black. I swear, Dad nearly offered me a bamboo sandwich yesterday. Yeah, I think I should definitely go to bed now…

“I've always taken care of you, Fredo.”

Did you see The Godfather the other night? I have to have seen that film about four times over the years. Why? My dad. He always does this “come here and watch this, you’ll find it interesting” thing, and I end up sitting on the sofa in his lounge and watching another film I would never have bothered with otherwise.

It’s a good job too, cos he’s introduced me to some real gems over the years. Gaslight (from 1940) with Anton Walbrook and Diana Wynyard. Drive (1997) with Mark Dacascos and Kadeem Hardison. And that Vincent Price film where he’s been living forever but needs to marry a fresh wife and eat her brain or something in order to stay alive another hundred years…

Anyway, The Godfather. So we watched it (again), and then The Godfather Part II the next week, and it reminded me of a TV voting show they had on. Basically, everyone was supposedly asked to vote for the top one hundred heroes and villains from any film from all time. Like an idiot I sat there and watched them all unfold slowly, counting down alternately. I kind of agreed with most of the heroes, but I have to say, I was not impressed with the top villains. How could Michael Corleone have fallen into the villains list? Could someone explain how, ultimately, once his life was weighed up by the crocodile god (Sobek?) debating whether to let him onto the afterlife or not, why was he shunted onto the villains list? All he’d ever done was protect his family ~ even from themselves at times. Yes, he was loud, and sometimes violent, and he tended to crush the life out of anyone in his way, but he did it all for his family. (And I have to say, I never liked his wife.)

I’ve heard the one about the road to Hell being paved with good intentions, but I don’t believe there’s a Hell. Actually, I’d really like there to be Hell as in Dante Ahligieri’s “Inferno” ~ all ruthlessly organized into nine circles, with their own little rings, bowges and regions. Captain Jack Sparrow was right, by the way ~ the deepest circle of hell is indeed reserved for betrayers and mutineers. Although if I recall correctly, the seventh circle was reserved for violent murderers and pirate-types, whilst the eighth circle was reserved for plain thieves. Sometimes its tough being an atheist. If you don’t believe there’s a Hell (of any kind), how can there be a heaven? You can’t have one without the other, that’s for damned sure, if you’ll excuse the choice of words…

Anyway, we were talking about Michael Corleone. I’ll stand by my opinion that he only acted for the good of his family, against any and all comers. Yes, he killed his brother Fredo ~ or rather, had him killed ~ and was rather nasty to Kay about just about everything, and even railed against his brother Tom, but why was he doing this? Think about it. I’d like him stricken from the villain annals and added to those of the heroes. How they could have him die all alone, unloved and uncared for, I just don’t understand. It was unjust, undeserved and scunnered pretty much all of us watching. I’ll never forget that scene of The Godfather Part III as just plain… AAAAARRRRRGH!!!!

So, anything else this week? What have I done? Hmm, let’s see… Re-read the Trainspotting novel (which could be why some odd words are popping up in my writing these days) and still found it enlightening, funny, horrific, witty and just downright genius. A braw novel indeed.

Failed miserably to convince people to employ me, yet again, and not once this week, but twice ~ and it’s only Thursday night! I don’t know. So it looks like I’m waiting for Saturday, when I’ll win the lottery first prize of about eight squillion pounds and can afford a first-class plane ticket back to Hong Kong.

Speaking of Hong Kong, the nominations for the 25th Hong Kong Film Awards were announced yesterday. Basically I’m all excited cos Aaron Kwok was nominated for Best Actor for his Inspector Syun of Divergence (the same part for which he won the Taiwanese Golden Horse Award late last year), so that’s my bet laid again. This year it’s HK$100 on Aaron winning against Andy Lau Dak-Wah, Tony Leung Ga-Fai and Simon Yam Dat-Wah. Come on the reds! “Giz a squiz!” Awright then:



Have you seen the video for Robbie Williams’ new-ish track “Tripping”? It’s excellent mate! I love it for the bits where he’s running but not getting anywhere (cos his feet aren’t actually moving), or the looks he’s giving the kid in the front passenger seat of the car, and the guy in the lift in the yellow dress. Fab. But wait ! You have to watch right to the end of the video! He does his trademark cheeky grin bit (without teeth) before he flops onto the bed and it all goes dark…

That’s about it then. Goodnight and sleep tight, and I’ll see you all again very, very soon.

Is it Monday again already?

O my dog, look at the day, will you? It’s Monday again already, and I’ve nothing to show for last week’s work. Well, technically I didn’t actually do any work last week because this country is still finding me of the unemployable type. I’m either too experienced (and therefore too expensive) or my customer service skills are to be feared rather than used. It seems this country’s level of customer service has really hit rock-bottom since I’ve been away.

Actually, I do have a rather large headache to show for all my hard work over the weekend; I made myself get down to the awesome task of sinking what seemed like a bottle of vodka ~ after the JD and coke was all gone, that is. And we all had a great time, so it doesn’t matter how much any of us drank, or which country is big enough to compare my headache too.

Let’s see, what else? O, my l’il sister is off to the Dominican Republic for two weeks come tomorrow (lucky wench!). I can laugh though, cos she burns really easily in the sun, so by the time she gets back her boyfriend will be brown as a coconut and she’ll be red as a beetroot. (insert malicious grin here)

O o o ~ you have to see this toon, from Weeble’s Stuff site ~ these people make the fabbest of the fab toons about all kinds of funky stuff. Right now I’m re-watching and laffing me arse off to the new “Ultimate Showdown” toon. Watch it HERE!

And as it’s now 5.15am, I think I’ll sink slowly into the west...

…otherwise known as “my bed”. Good night, good morning, good afternoon, and I’ll see you all again very, very soon.